English surf contest cancelled after sewage plant dumps “poo and pee” into lineup

"We've never had to cancel events due to a sewage output [before] - we couldn't believe it."

English surfers and surf fans woke up very glum, this morning, after news trickled down that the beloved English Interclub Surfing Championships set to take place in Porthtowan, there on the isle’s very bottom, this weekend had to be cancelled due to untreated sewage floating around in the sea waters.

It is being described as “an absolute first.”

Hannah Brand, a Surfing England spokesperson, declared, “We’ve never had to cancel events due to a sewage output [before] – we couldn’t believe it.” She added that more than 140 from around the great United Kingdom had signed up to compete in the event before the local council shut it all down.

South West Water, which is responsible for the sewage business, had opened the storm overflow feature on a plant that gushed poo and pee into the lineup. Their spokesperson bristled it was done “in line with [our] permits following heavy rainfall in the area.”

Surfers be damned, the clear subtext.

Rob Abrams, campaign manager for Surfers against Sewage, became very angry about the “heavy rain” claim and opined it was “very questionable” whether Sunday’s sprinkle was serious enough to pollute the waves. He fingered the lack of transparency from South West Water “using a little bit of rain to justify sewage discharges” and continued, “We fundamentally need water companies that work to benefit the public and the environment and not private profit as they have been over the last 35 years.”

Ben Powis, chief executive at Surfing England, agreed, sharing that there was a “real sense of deep frustration” amongst the community. Others worried that the sewage dump and surf contest cancellation would harm the region’s reputation.

Surfing England, for its part, released a statement reading, “We were devastated to end the event early, especially with clean 3-5ft (0.9-1.5m) waves providing perfect competition conditions – and with such a high standard of surfing on display from the clubs.”

Shame on you, South West Water.

A deep and abiding shame.