Disneyland braces for sudden “invasion” by world’s most sensitive social club

"Yall Have To Come Will Be Hilarious To Ruin Their Day!!"

Disneyland executives are certainly rubbing hands in consternation, this afternoon, while sending furrowed looks back and forth after the world’s most sensitive social club declared its members intended to “invade” the happiest place on earth at the end of February.

The 805 Patriots, not to be confused with the New England Patriots, have declared a “Patriots in the Park” takeover, taking to Facebook to share information about the “Disneyland MAGA Invasion.” Those who wish to participate have been ordered to “Wear a ‘Patriots in the Park’ t-shirt plus a red MAGA hat” and are expecting to “have some fun by triggering as many liberals as possible.”

As it happens, the date coincides with a pride event set to take place at Disneyland, the organizer adding, “Turns Out I Accidentally Planned this for a GAY Day. Yall Have To Come Will Be Hilarious To Ruin Their Day!!”

It will do doubt be the 805 Patriots who become triggered, day ruined, by the prancing and fabulous queens, however.

But who could have seen that turn coming? Just over a year ago, right-winged populists decried the “cancel culture” of the left. People getting erased for calling other people “retarded” etc. Kevin Spacey made homeless for having a little bit of guy fun. Free thinking and freer speech were touted. Liberals rightly smeared as intolerant, arrogant and knee-quakingly afraid of different opinions.

Battleground Disneyland

Alas, very different times. In today’s world, those who wish to make America great again have become altogether delicate tattletales. Take the recent shooting death of Charlie Kirk. In the immediate aftermath, Vice President JD Vance took to the airwaves to state, “When you see someone celebrating Charlie’s murder, call them out. And hell, call their employer.”

Well, call those freethinking free-speechers did, resulting in the firing, suspension or disciplining of over 600 people, according to a Reuters review of court records, public statements, local media reports and interviews.

One of the beheaded a teaching assistant who merely quoted Kirk and nothing else.

By comparison, some 160 people have lost jobs over pro-Palestinian comments.

Reuters continued, “The story maps the pro-Trump machinery of retaliation now reshaping American political life, detailing its scale and tactics, ranging from shaming on social media to public pressure on employers and threats to defund institutions.”

To shoving all the homos going to Disneyland on February 28, 2026 into the Haunted Mansion and throwing away the spooky key.

Rainbows cancelled.

So long, pride cavalcade.

As you may, or may not, know, I captained a submarine for one summer at Disneyland. I wore white pants, a white shirt and a white captain’s hat and enjoyed rear-ending the submarine in front of me whilst hidden in the cave. Passengers, peering out little round windows, would smash their faces against the glass and moan in pain. One time, Lieutenant Dan and his family took a ride. Another time, I hit the kill switch on the submarine because I was told not to. It resulted in the ride being shut down for hours while engineers etc. tried to figure out what went wrong. And yet another time, I called in sick with tuberculosis. I did not have the vicious lung disease but had tested potentially positive after visiting a handful of infected countries. My immediate boss was angry and ordered me to the health office when I returned the next day. For some reason they did not care and ordered me back to my post tout suite.

Military life.