“Kelly's in Thailand working on the cheapest way to (make surfboards). Meanwhile, Jonah Hill's putting in the work at Cardiff.”
The three-time world surfing champion, snow blond and spectacle-wearing Joel Tudor, has mounted a passionate defence of Ultimate Instant Surf Boi Jonah Hill, who became a regular on BeachGrit a few years back when he documented his adult learner’s journey.
You’ll remember BeachGrit had terrific sport with Jonah Hill’s early attempts at surfing, but was quickly brought back down to earth with a phone call from the star pleading with whatever was left of our humanity to consider a man’s feelings, he was just a man wanting to feel the joy of surfing after all.
Recently, Joel Tudor appeared on the Sterling Spencer and cuz Ryan show, Pinch My Salt. Sterling Spencer, who hit worldwide fame in 2010 with a dubbed video of a kid trying to get Jeremy Flores’ autograph at J-Bay, asked Tudor a very loaded question:
Is Jonah Hill more core than Kelly Slater?
It might surprise the reader that Tudor, and supported by Spencer, leaned into the former rather than the latter.
“I watched (Jonah Hill’s) beginnings,” says Tudor. “I watched every Hollywood goober at Malibu and most of them have got really fancy surfboards and they’re paddling the wrong way…you know full on. But Jonah Hill really sincerely tried, dude, to surf and blend in.
“And he took a shit-ton of abuse for it. I thought it was uncalled for because the guy was so damn cool. Unpretentious, trying, like, he knew he was a kook. He’s really aware of where he stands in the lineup. I hated all the ‘Jonah Hill ruined surfing’. I was, like, what the hell?
“I got picked on a lot as a kid and I felt a soft spot for him dealing with that kind of shit. I was was, like, hey dude, some of us think you’re cool.”
Here, Sterling Spencer delivers the coup de grâce straight through Kelly Slater’s midriff.
“What I’m blown away with Jonah is how quick he knows the rules and knows boards. And like, I’m like, dude, you know more than Kelly Slater. Kelly’s in Thailand working on the cheapest way (to make surfboards). Meanwhile, Jonah’s putting in the work at Cardiff.”
Sterling Spencer and Joel Tudor then recall the 2015 blood feud between Tudor and Slater after Slater presented himself with a jiujitsu blue belt.
“That’s so Kelly,” says Sterling.
Below the liners: Is Jonah Hill, as avatar of the keen and humble beginner, more core than the greatest ever Kelly Slater.
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Chas, how does Sterling’s podcast achieving many hundreds of thousands more views than the Grit in just a year or so make you feel?
I love jonah as an actor. Just watched a few episodes of Maniac recently , the show itself not much but jonah was great.
As a surfer – well he’s fucking loaded and a celebrity. If i was paddling out and some fucking loaded celebrity paddled next to me I’d naturally resent them and eventually try to one-up them the only way i could, riding waves.
If he’s a good guy or not – who the fuck knows
If he’s more core than k.slater – i see the baiting here but no, it’s just counterintuitive.
For all the golfing, breitling endorsements etc, he would still outsurf and outschool anyone in any situation. Been surfing and traveling his whole life. He might be settled now but if he was dropped at a remote tropical island, or an overcrowded urban spot anywhere in the world, i’m sure he’d be able to handle himself. Jonah, maybe not.
But definitely, would rather have beers with jonah, if that counts.
I’ve surfed with Jonah a few times. Burned him each time and he just laughed and genuinely didn’t care, and instead used the opportunity or proximity to have a convo on the swell, or wind or whatever. I’ve got the surfline footage someplace. Anyways the guy is fun to surf with, sits on the inside, knows the rules. Sadly he still surfs poorly, I’m surprised he hasn’t progressed further.
Jonah is one of us.
Never understood the Jonah criticism. There are so many entry level dorks, why single him out?
He surfed a beginners spot near his work places. He rode appropriate boards. He dated an instructor. Seemeld to be making decisions that will never effect our surfing. Fit in that crowd like a glove.
Bad tattoo’s and dyed hair are so lame theyve become ubiquitous, barely notice anymore. So what he’s fat? You been to a mall in America lately? Corn syrup obesity is a trend.
He even edited his clip with great music. Production value. He can afford Kellys pool. His next GF will be hotter than the surf instructor, nearly guaranteed. Probably knows the greeter at Nobu.
Meanwhile, Kelly cheats Stab in the Dark
preach, all truth
I have surfed with Jonah. He’s fine. I’ve told the story before but I’ll tell it again.
I was paddling out at Malibu after just getting in the water between 2nd and 3rd. A bigger set came and I was maybe 50 feet behind this guy on a funboard. Far enough away that he wouldn’t get pushed back into me but this guys legs were just a little too splayed for me to be comfortable duck diving behind him. The wave came and he got uncomfortably close to me.
I just glared at him for a second – keep in mind my default facial state is one of mild disgust. He knew what I was thinking. Gave me a quick little nod then paddled away. Didn’t realize who it was until 30 seconds after he paddled away. I got completely skunked that session.
so telling when you see someone with poor paddling technique you just know they can’t duck and will ditch their board in panic
Usedto be shameful to do so, now there is no shame
So all you have to do if Beachgrit gets on your case is give them a phone call to consider your feels?
It is so 2026 when this topic and this conversation are absolutely valid. Imagine even considering this just 10 years ago. BeachGrit coming off a clock-cleaning, scooping of the rest of the surf journalist community with the Reno update, and now this bold semi-editorial that would bring down the house at The Inertia or AI bot fave, Surfer Mag…
High times for Beach Grit no doubt…
Kelly is a self serving cunt that is always out to get his. Entitled and selfish. I don’t think there is anything more surf core than that.
Jonah, always has, always will be a frothing mad keen surfer…..how many people do you know, especially our dear VALS , who would commit to losing over a 100lbs in 12 mths so he could surf better…move out of Malibu …one of the most amazing passions for surfing I have seen….he’s great guy and pretty down to earth!!
If made today, who would you choose to be You in the movie about your life and who would you want to their stunt double doing all the surfing?
am actually working on this at the moment….doco/series……..book……never thought about your question …but there’s the younger me, middle age and now fossilized…..stunt double would be the most interesting….23 car accidents….so many surfing accidents….a couple of gangster shit incidents etc……so maybe RCJ?
Kelly & Jonah should have a fight in the octagon for charity of course. Chas can ref it. And then a downhill mountain bike time trial. Then a fucking miming dance off. Reno can judge that one now hes still breathing. & Prince Harry can hand out the Firewire trophies of doom. And his twit misses can blow em…
Serious question, why does everyone hate Harry’s misso? Not exactly my kettle of fish, but hate is a strong word
Well as an Aussie and having those devils (Royals) as technically head of state she knew what she signed up for. They dont do Insta life & self marketing for $$$. Theyre filthy rich and you just have to tow the line if you join the gang. She obviously thought she could change the Firm. Couldnt and cried.. She doesnt mind using the race card either. Other than that shes pretty cool. Think shes at the Abu Dhabi wave pool next week. Tubes for the Taliban. Think Kelly will be there on the new Nuke model.
Racism
Of course Jonah always has been, and always will be, far more core than Kelly.
Kelly’s whole beach-based childhood wasn’t of his own choice, and he’s a direct product of that forced environment.
He’s said himself he could’ve just as easily been a skier if his parents had moved to the mountains, like his mum wanted to.
Whereas Jonah took a personal decision to go surfing, and then make the jump into actually being a surfer, depsite his distinctly non-beach upbringing and sociopolitical expectations.
Kelly had it laid out on a platter
Jonah had to fight for it.
I agree with some of this. But Kelly was far far from having it laid out on a platter.
yep, some rough moments early — and even putting his personal circumstances aside, not sure people realize how gritty FL was in general back in the day. Everyone’s dad was a line guy for FP&L, or a commercial fisherman, or a carpenter, or a landscaper. No slack afforded anywhere, scratching and clawing the norm.
cept at reef road, Rocks local!
True ? Where do you park? Should I valet at Breakers and hitchike?
option 1: befriend Pete Mendia
option 2: there is no option 2
Spot on. Everyone around here earned it, including Kelly.
Fight for it with millions of bucks in his pocket.
I hate surfing…
Back on the Jewish click bait. Beachshit hardcore real estate, religious and stockmarket bullshit. With a story here and there about a surfer that aint dead. Lost the plot cunts…
gotta admit, for as much crap as Jonah put up with and persevered, I’d welcome the man in any lineup.
I think on this occasion I have to agree with Joel. I mean, Kelly is in it for money, Jonah for the escape. If Jonah disappeared to some remote corner of tassie or NZ, then he’d be full core lord. Only thing holding him back is residing in Malibu.
Another valid question would be, who’d you rather have a beer with?
Beer alone, at home, in peace.
he doesn’t live at Malibu anymore….
I stand corrected. Not really up on my celeb gossip. But still stand by my opinion of him being more core.
While I have you Mr Brutus, came across an interesting photo of you just yesterday in Mark Warrens surfing atlas. Nice pick of you at Trial harbour in tassie. Now that’s definitely core
That Joel quote was unusually measured.
Is he ok?
Mostly this makes me sad for how much time I’ve spent on here. The Kelly/Joel Blood Feud was 11 years ago?
And yet, I persist.
Can you imagine a life where you produce this matter, every day, every month, year after year etc for no money?
Yanis Varafakas would call it cloud capital. We are your serfs.
Good sport!
Anyway, some youth named Tya Zebrowski just cleaned house to become the youngest ever winner of the CS/QS (if you believe the wozzle commentary) and will be on tour in three weeks. What a revelation. These ladies keep on coming, even before they reach adulthood. Between her, Catie and the Ella girl it’ll be like a midget world tour out at 10 ft Pipe. Truly amazing to see.
And still no sign of two or three young women who would likely easily make the tour if they wanted to, and are choosing free surfing and/or skating instead.
Hoping the competitors spent the offseason practising stale fishes and straight punts (a la Bruce circa 2004?)
Do tell of these free surfing young female shredders who could easily make the tour but just free surf. As far as I know all the likely candidates are currently trying to qualify for the tour.
Milla brown and Sierra Kerr would WALK the qualification process, if they wanted to. They’re better than all but the top 20 in the world.
The rest of them would get smoked, especially if the waves were good.
Both Milla and Sierra make SERIOUS bank as free surfers, Sierra being one of the first sponsors Nike picked up when they dipped their toe back into it.
They are both trying to get on the tour atm and atm are to light, they are made out to be able to make airs at a whim but dont/cant.
Both super talented but fuck me, home schooled and surf every moment of every day…they should be better.