"I've been doing the pop up burpees into surf stance for years. No one seen me doing it yet. I practice at a secret location."
The sexy senior Looksmaxxer Shane Dorian, whose Instagram account is followed in equal measures by envious men, thirsty homosexuals and frustrated mammies, all in thrall to the way the muscles in his arms and waist ripples as he pushes and pulls on gymnasium equipment, has delivered a chilling wake-up call to all aged surfers.
In short, if you’re not practising your pop-up, god I hate that term but yeah, you’re goin’ to fade out of the game.
Dorian, who is fifty four, released the news on the We Shouldn’t Be Pals podcast with Surfing World co-proprietors Nick Carroll and Hannah Anderson, Sean Doherty, of course, is the other magazine baron.
I practice pop-ups in the gym. I look cringy, I look ridiculous and silly. People look at me like, whoa, that dude, I know who that is, he’s like a pro surfer, and he’s practicing his pop-up in the gym. In a million years I never thought I would have to practice my pop-up, but I’m 54 years old, and the same as every other 54 year old, you don’t have a seamless pop-up at that age without practicing it. It just cuts you. You just start having to work for it.
A lot of people, it’s too much on their ego. They’d rather fade out and choose not to surf instead of putting in the work. But surfing is the fountain of youth, dude. It brings me so much joy. It’s so important for my mental health that I can’t let it go. It’s my way to connect with my kids. It’s a way for me to keep being excited about travel. It’s a good way for me to keep making friends and expand my network of people I know. It’s just freaking awesome.
Surfing is so great. If I lost it, I would be depressed.
Christ, if gettin’ old wasn’t bad enough, now we gotta do the Euro-kook thing every day.
Ego, yeah, sure.
Did you know it was a thing?
Very surprising how many high level surfers appeared in the comments sayin’ they were in the same boat and paddling just as hard.
Fifty a day, every day,” writes big-wave lord Twiggy Baker.
The guy who runs the P-Pass camp, “I am 64 and been doing the pop up burpees into surf stance for years. No one seen me doing it yet. I practice at a secret location.”
“This really resonates. At 50 I got to where Shane’s talking about and basically accepted that surfing was over for me and even tried to move on. Until I realised that my whole life is built around it. It was harder to extricate myself from the life than it was to start training and get it back. 3 years on, training 5days a week – I’m Surfing as well as ever (well nearly) and just feel better.”
You ready to pracitice or hang ’em up?
I’m leanin’ towards the former but will probs head to the latter.
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my pop up has gone to shit. i get like, 3 ok ones and then it’s fuckin 50/50 i goose it and either keel over or get to my feet in such a fucked stance (both feet nearly together, near the tail) that it takes a turn worth of time to shuffle in to the right spot.
looks like burpees are on the menu.
Longy wants controversy and blowups, Brutus wants to go deep.
No yas don’t. Well maybe to a point. Maybe a few little firecrackers, maybe a few toes in the lake.
Because, the crucifixions, the Petey G, dancing and gyrating like a hollow puppet on a string, burning the midnight oil, publicly reduced to sucking up to… And Julian. Solitary Julian. Worse than crucified. Too much truth, too deep, too controversial, Cut down from the cross and kept barely alive… ‘here yas go… ‘av a go ya…’
And, the Nungas. ‘Shut the fuck up and move orn ya farkin’…’
Muscles ‘n swillnuts. Leo ‘n Italo. In fact, all of them, parading all that extra size. I told swillnuts about Leo ‘n Italo. How muscles were comin’. Like I saw in all the other sports. Muscles, the biggest, most important organ in your body. You can’t move without them. Especially for longevity, far reachin’, deep shit. The swillnut club hated ‘farkin’ youseluss muscalz!’ With a foul, stinkin’ vengeance. The swillnut club ludicrous, denying, hatin’, slathering, bullshitting, driveling, blathering, sniveling, crapping, squwarking, outright lying, hypocritical, two faced, ‘sighentifficashionizal’ absolute shite is forever etched into the…
Maybe but… coz things have a way of being ‘disappeared’ in the wild west… agin’…
Anyway the mistakes go on. And on, and on…
Why? Go deeper.
Rexy Huffman. Biggest pipe bazzes ever, on a twinny. Legendary. George didn’t go, he was there but, filmin’. Somehow totally missed the Rexy show! Ultimate lookaway. But, I like George. So ya can’t go too deep. Remember all those shots of George at the world’s ultimate bazz testin’ ground, pipe? Sure ya do… The end result of that lot… swillnut head honch stupe’ nuttle, a screeching ta the world, ‘twinnies is shite in ver bazz… so vere Liz, Huffman, Batchy, Banksy, Richo, Murray, MR, MT, Dane, Potts… and ver zillion rest orv… get a edge ya useless cunts.’ Echoes, 4 foot lennies… no echoes at pipe but…
Anyway. Muscles. The beat goes on. I’ve been deeper than most. Way, way deeper. I’ve witnessed nuclear blow ups. Nuclear proportioned ‘injarees’ too. Another swillnut ‘szpeshulteee’. FFS.
Leo and Italo, the whole lot, should thank some Germans. Not Arny but. No, Franz, for the revolution revelation, and then Adolph… well not that one… but… Butenandt and Hanisch. The Swiss deserve a mention too. You won’t even know what I’m talking about, you won’t get the true depth of it. I went deep, close to 60 years ago. Had a sick surf a few days ago. Over 70 now. And no ‘injareeze’. Not interested in that imbecilic, ludicrous line of ‘finkin’…
Franz, revolving barbell. The other Germans, roids, testosterone.
‘Soze wot!’ Soze all the bungles, all the surgeries, the replacements, the ‘injureeze’… and all the other ludicrous crap. Shane’s had heaps. ‘Kell’s the king orv…’ longy…?
Deep, nuclear blow ups. No roids no Arny story. Zilch, nada, none. No famous ‘willpower’, no secret teccy’s, no american dream, just a zilch fest. Zero recovery, not a clue. Clueless. If you truly get the depth of it. And all those world records, all those, to quote a peds riddled Bowie, ‘golden years’. Again, zilchfest. Lance was an annoying flea, an aphid in comparison. And Conan? And Gerry? And the ‘lllluuuurvvveee… agin’…
Coz see, it all boils down to recovery. And if ‘injareez’ and surgeries, and spare parts are your idea of recovery?
‘Geee fank youze farkin’ eeeeps jerminee, fankz Butenandt and Hanisch, fanks fur ver merch… n shite… coz wee luuuurrrvveee… beeeun awl depe n shite… fur a quid… orv corse…’
Recovery rules. And there’s quite a few. But ya gotta go deep. Or just have surgery and bullshit ya guts out, who gives a fuck. Lucky I do, hey longy/free/tom tom… and co. And that’s a mighty big number, that co.
So, oh yeh, ‘wot abowt vis Franz fucka ya farkin’ ravin’ loon…’
Again you won’t have a clue. Revolving barbell. ‘But wot abowt ketties n shite.’ I was there, already deep, way back then. Tsoots. At first when he was like bullshit battered donny and that fucking paula white nut job, to quote Springy, ‘Born in the USA’. Not a ketty in sight at first. He learned about luuuurve, livin’ the dream, makin’ a fast buck… real fast. ‘Rushin’ speshal forcin’… n shite.’ What, you mean roids? ‘Naaar, ketties, n shite…’ Amazing!!! 14 year old trains russian eeeleeete… ‘Nar I was 15… but…’
Gazzillions born every split second, the yank dream.
But besides all that. Franz. One revolving barbell, 2 revolving dumbell handles, set of plates 0.5 to 500kgs, with tiny incremental jumps in between. Totally doable, in the scheme of things, costs fuck all, takes up fuck all room. The sky’s the limit. Ever seen a five hundred kilo kettle bell. Or a set of… being chucked around by a fourteen year old kid. And you won’t either.
How deep. Remember tommy? Nigel? Icelands? ‘But Tommy sed waitz farked him …!!!’ Don’t go fuckn that deep…
So, there ya go longy, dip the quill into the murky depths of the inkpot… into that lot, and you two, could become the next Julian, burnin’ the midnight oil!!!
Don’t fucking do it longy, just catch some fish, go surfing, watch the WSL… and forget about the Nungas, ‘coz ver ozzy dreem wuz goodes fur va lyin’ yousless caaarnnts!!!’
Once AI takes over everything, and the LLMs are learning off your words, starting all kinds of shit, we will need you to create “THE” new language that our AI Overlords cannot understand, but us humans can, after multiple readings.
It is like a drug fuelled retarded Enigma code or some shit.
I can understand you! Mostly, Can anyone else?
Oh yeah…he’s the future
What’s that ya reckun deekso… This lot? Golden poppin’… Donny’s new do? Fake newz… Faaaarrrkkk!!!
Anyway, speekin’ of new do’s? Wots wiv all the way out fringes? So early on in the merch game. Inja’d follaculls ‘n shite. Ya musta noticed? I tell ya what but, some high teccy shite happenin’ there!
Caaarn, I dare ya longy!!!
hmmm very deep……not for BG now!
Gotta pay to play …so they say.
I surf for me , my pop up or lack of it at times is my buisness i learnt to embrace my surfing experiance at a very young age 50 +years later im still having a bloody good time just doing my own thing on waves riding what ever takes my fancy , i have come to love challanging my self by riding boards that are a touch left of center bit of a challange to work out how to get the best out of them, it keeps me motavaited , I never really had much time for those that fixated over thier so called style , you know the ones standing arround in little groups in the car park making snide comments about other surfers boards or turns etc as if thiers are so much better tighter higher faster bigger etc , just a bunch of ego driven group think numbskulls , one thing i have noticed as they are sheep when it comes to equipment , as they get older one of them will.go up in volume next thing they all are , then one will stick a foot on the overall length next thing they all are, one will start going to core training yep you got it next thing they all are .not a individual surfing thought amongst the lot of em , oh well i think ill go grab my 6 9 egg wide as fuck channel bottom single and go play arround in some onshore close outs ..ill be most likely be by myself having a hoot of a time and those sheep will be sitting in the carpark going why does that cunt even bother …because i can ya cunts because i can.
Hey DR, can you expand on this a touch and wax lyrical about the phenomenon that seems to have taken hold in the 2000s of retired professional surfers and their cult of celebrity?
Not DR, but I’ll chip in until he does.
There’s nothing much to it. Human beings seem to place some people who excel above the rest of us into positions of reverence, or idolatry in some form or another. Hundreds of thousands of surfers, if not millions, came of age while slater, dorian, et al were changing the game with their styles in the early-mid 90s. Then dorian did it again 12 years later in the big wave scene. The big kahuna, amongst a group of hardcore athletes. So these people who still want to look like Dorian and accomplish what he does, in some minor form or another, will be happy to throw a few bucks his way when he writes a book or offers some health food. He’s a personal trainer for the wealthy. His clients don’t want the retired footballer or retired hockey guy. They want, now that they can afford it, time with the retired surfer who they looked up to when they were younger.
There’s a massive speaking circuit, worth billions of dollars, for retired people of every possible pastime and profession. As long as the person is a likeable person and that there’s still something aspirational about them then they can make a small living travelling around the world giving 1hr speeches.
I was stoked as fuck to go and see Jack McCoy and Occy speak at a presentation for A$45, and neither of them ever really made a huge impression on me as I was more exposed to yank surf media as a grom. I did love Occy when he came back to the tour but would have preferred, at the time, if Dorian or Machado had won a title. For the McCoy presentation I was just happy to be around some of the best in surfing, something that I was not often exposed to.
This cult of surfing celebrity you speak of is TINY. It’s just capitalism, using people who have goodwill attached to their name to sell us stuff; some of which we need such as leashes and surfboards. People just love other people who have excelled in their field. Some of them have even wanted them to root their wives. Also, people are stupid.
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nice summation
True. But in Australia Ithink the celebrity idolatry is skin deep at best. Most crew in Australia will love someone’s talent and can appreciate it without holding the surfer up to a higher existence.
My next door neighbour was a globally recognised talent and half the town thought he was a bit of a cunt.
Thats the difference right there.
I think you’re right, but from what I’ve been told the young aussies have a bit more of that yank idolatry in them. Too many years of Murdoch media has changed their brains.
No doubt, one of the finest traits of Australians is to care less about this sort of garbage than the rest of us fucktard westerners.
Was Hogan your neighbour?
Tall Poppy Syndrome…..a wonderful Australian trait!
I like it, but I am looking at it from a slightly different angle whereby the ex-pros set themselves up as self-anointed legends with fairly transparent agendas, i.e., fame = $$ and then actively go out to manipulate all forms of popular media to project thier image as a product.
Look at Jack Robbo he is seen as some Zen astro plane master , nothing could be further from the truth , but he is projecting it as it is marketable. Same with several chick big wave legends ( who annoited them that) they have created any entire false mythical legend status arround themselves so much so that even the mainstream media has brought into it
This cult of surfing legends sucks just like chairing kids up the beach WTF has happened to surfing.
as usual there is a back story to Occy and his journey to a Worl title…very few people know the full story…and the Jack and Occ tour was a great celebration of Jack as an incredible film maker….and of course there was the movie by Jack on Occy’s World title , which told the start of his campaign….but most know he didn’t come home to Australia after Huntington…he went Portugal , and when Sanga died…he had a breakdown over the first few mths , coming to France and stayed at my place for a mth…a break down…….which made his comeback even more incredible…Billabong censored the story…..and we have a very whitewashed version of events.
I did one of the shows in Melbourne and Lorne…was bailed up outside afterwards by people wanting to know why is was so censored……..thankfully no-one asked at the viewings , in the Q&A……..
So every surf story that has had to go thru a major sponsor…well its been censored/whitewashed….so it’s really the last 30+ years that, what you have seen on surf heros/industry darlings….it’s mostly just marketing where truth does not play a part….just manufactured perceptions!
I was happy to donate a few bucks to Jack. I’m sure that Occy didn’t really care to be there in Byron and was just helping out a friend.
Thank you , as well, MC for being such a good mate to your crew when they needed you. Lord knows that Occy, like you and me, and everyone else, needed his friends (and sponsors) at certain times.
Jack was just happy to be there /telling story, as we all knew this was his last tour…..so it was more about Jack and his last chapter….doing what he loved best……
Yep old days we all looked after each other ….some needed it more than others….inner sanctum shit…….I seem to have a bit of a rep as bad weather friend…….and have protected some very naughty , but great people…..Occy now doesn’t drink…has soooo many kids…he’s actually an example of from gutter to great , husband /Dad…….
their cult celebrity is recognized , because what else is out there now….manufactured and brand relative marketing, which molds the surfers story/image.
Anti-Quit Lit
Where’s Negatron?
I feel he deserves an encore call from his mates at Beachgrit.
Come back for the live chat, Negatron.
Strayan Cunt ran him off. We lost a super cool Kiwi Bro for a raging alcoholic nose beer strip club low iq blowhard.
I did no such thing Gwen as has been explained far too many times now. I thought you were happy to have me back beautiful?
I do enjoy your banter but it’s the seppo bashing that gets me. You act like we are all the same. Fuck that
Oooh Gwen it’s all just banter my darling and I thought like most of the other seppos on here you got that? Our time on this wonderful crazy planet is too short and precious to take too seriously so I just try and spend most of mine laughing and taking the piss.
I would hate to be lying on me deathbed thinking fuck me I wasted my one chance by being a boring cunt
You settle down a bit cunt.
Sorry sir and I already apologised to Astro for my drunken carrying on last Sunday on the live chat, I can go off the rails a bit after too many cold ones. I appreciate this kind of Moderating and thought I had been he’s better since?
You have cricket
Sorry no idea what that means?
Negs thought he was bigger than the site and went too hard as a cop.
We would all love to seem him back without all the piled up work stress.
Whats a ” Bro” ? Is that like a gay version of cobba ?
He did get a lovely shout out by David Lee Scales on the inimitable podcast, The Grit. DLS wanted to know what happened and got the PC version, probably for the best, from Chas.
I would make a joke about Chas throwing DR under the bus, but I’m too morose to do so. Negs is likely enjoying his travels and more than happy to take a break from online commentary. I’m sure that he’ll be back in a few months, refreshed and happy to contribute to the positive vibes. Lord knows things are about to get a bit crummy around here if we get shit waves in Brazil. God forbid.
He’s off engaging in serious discussions on Swellnet, waiting for this forum to come unraveled so he can tell DR he told him so.
Have you been saving some processed food pics?
Yeah Negatron, get back in the game and unleash.
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And for the main course….
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I am guessing that is the “How it goes in…” Pic
Are you not the one saving pics for the live chat?
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My man, do they not do VB longnecks down there?
I could change me name to Optimus Cunt for Brazil if it helps mate?
Hopefully banging euro chicks and living life in the real world
Truest words ever spoken.
I recently had an enforced absence from surfing and all physical exertion. Coming back is ridiculously fucking hard. At the point where doubt, self loathing and despair are vying for dominance. Got a board that s way bigger volume. It helps the stand-up a little but the psychological toll of holding that foam beast almost offsets the benefits. Even worse that the water went from boardies to steamer during my time out. Like I needed an extra dimension of restriction and weight.
Ego!
Dorian is helping you. Listen to him.
Stay strong you old cvnts.
My dad is in his late 70’s. His pop up is what keeps him bodysurfing or boogieboarding these days.
This is sort of morbid but having a very close friend die young has made aging a little bit easier for me. It’s a privilege that a lot don’t get.
Smile everyday you still have your dad and he is still having fun
Are the thirsty homosexuals and frustrated mammies aware Dorian is like 5’7″?
Hahaha
A lot of disapointed and confused faces at the first meet and greet.
Good Morning ! Coffee! Still fun out there.
i do regular burpees . 300. sets of 100 a day. ..just now actually. A little stretching which some might call yoga…idk. and other exercises ect..I don’t do them to a cheering crowd. No need.
Alright! Get a few waves in and then I gotta go do man stuff! Yew!
This final segment of Snaketales shows the best of the best ripping Punta Roca, making it look a lot better than what we saw. The preceding section was the wipeouts which confirmed, as we all saw, that it can also be a tricky wave to figure out. But this here is some amazing surfing.
too long didn’t watch
The problem with practicing pop-ups on dry land is that the floor stays still, but a surfboard doesn’t, so it doesn’t translate into the water.
Does that total bullshit sound good enough to sell a piece of plywood on springs, aka the Pop-Up Pro, for $189? I think I could make tens of dollars!
this is an excellent point — as an old man who deals w/ this exact issue, your pop up pro is not a bad idea at all
Also, if short boarding is your thing, you need to practice in a way that minimizes your reliance on your toes as a leverage point – you’d be surprised how much you unconsciously rely on toe leverage for a burpee , which won’t work for a shortboard pop up
and for those younger folks on here scoffing at this – call me when you’re 53
Good point about short board, not able to push off with feet. I’m going to fold this into my marketing for sure, maybe some optional deck sizes. The more I can make people think about nonsense as reasonably thought through, the more Pop-Up Pros I’m going to sell. Like Sharkbanz but fewer deaths!
lateral wobble also important – short boards wobble like mad, mids on up not so much. So plus/minus options on lateral wobble along w/ your optional deck sizes
(Things you took for granted for decades , suddenly making you feel like a pathetic VAL)
Yeah I’m thinking the springs need to have different tensions, softer on the sides but softest in the front. I could sell add-on spring kits “tuned to the wave you are training for” from San-O to Slab. Maybe for left’s or rights as well.
Thanks for talking me through my terrible idea! Now I think I could make hundreds
just be sure to instagram your creative journey , properly filtered pics of your most pensive moments while holding vintage hued springs are key!!
Surfer Sean Penn SLAMMED for wokemaxxing as he directs A-list star in Jan 6 capitol riot movie …….after THAT holoca**t comment.
As seen on my favourite right-wing, British sports rag. Click * for more info.
Daddio. he’s a concerned citizen. The J6 movie is akin to Fair Game. And other poly-science producers. Especially Oliver Stone. Another hollywood attempt to smear antics of DC and presidency.
Monty Python’s Loretta in Life Of Brian sums it up as “i’m a man and want to have a baby!
“Give me 1,000 push-ups! you baby men.”
Sean Penn coms across as the most insufferable cunt I’ve never met.
Maybe he is. I don’t think so, though. I think you’ve met worse than him.
I like him because he’s rooted three women who I think are some of the most beautiful women to ever have had a camera shone on them. Robin Wright, Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron. He’s a good one in my books.
….and Jewel, as well. She’s a cutie with that Alaskan snaggle tooth of hers.
Jewel AND Scarlett Johansson?
Geez. Thing is, he’s such a clown that I tend to think less of them.
Couple of sweet, sweet ladies though…
This is a favourite video of mine. Funny or Die.
Coincidentally I rewatched it sometime earlier this year.
Every Jewel fan should watch and enjoy
Shelving peptides causes baldness and pop out forehead veins apparently
I recently saw video of myself surfing, my “pop-up” is more of a two step process which is slow and lumbering and requires the waves to be waist high or better so that the board drops out from under me relieving the strain on my back and knees, not long now before I’m terrorizing line ups on my sponge.
Which is also proper counter-culture, not this olympic sport mainstream shit
I’m choosing to think of it as you just pause to pig dog every time you pop up, eternal optimist!
I had someone try to show me footage of myself surfing recently and surprised myself with the spring in my stride running from them.
flat water/wave take offs are the hardest without tons of speed
Funny thing ageing….a year ago approaching 52, 2yrs on from spinal surgery and thinking it’s game on… surfing is the key to the fountain of youth, fit as fuck, surfing as strong as ever… happy again after long struggles with seemingly everything… Now 1 year later and total relapse/collapse of spine… Trying to stay positive, deep dive into finding the solution,(it ain’t surgery)months out of the water and just go to get wet…. can’t even get to feet… Start trying to accept it..could be the new normal and that I have had the life already that people only dream of. Knowing that I’m not the only one burdened. Crazy crossroads we of the salt fringe drift and whinge… Time shall pass and Que Sera, Sera. Good luck to y’all…. All is not lost for those who never really knew anywho…
We’re all going to end up on boogs looks like.
Never ever take the low road or the easy option… But always stay salty… Brothers of the brine!
Disc degeneration sucks, sorry! Genetics mostly, parents have some nerve 😉
Dang, 46 y/o here going through the disc degeneration thing, it really sucks!
Sorry to hear, seems to be the common flaw. Listen to your body and work out what to avoid and the range that is manageable. It can become a very expensive exercise if you pinball through the usual sequence. 9 out of 10 people do not need surgery.. just a few simple exercises on the mat daily, low impact movement is your friend (walking,swimming,cycling) and being super aware of posture. I’m sure you know this already… Stay present and stay positive…
Use it or lose it. You have to put in the time. Simple as that.
My favorite thing about the health crazed is that they don’t live appreciably longer than any other group. Marathon running vegan dies at 80, 2 pack a day smoker who drinks 2ltr Mountain Dew before noon dies at 80. Genetics and constitution seem to be the secret to a long life. We all know that one evil person who just refuses to die, using hate to fuel their life force far beyond anyone’s expectations. Ross Clark jones will likely outlive Shane Dorian and Kelly slater just because he’s harder to kill.
My personal view is that you’re correct about the “constitution” part. The appropriate mental state, likely different for each person, that reduces stress to the mind and body is what you need to keep the immune system strong; and able to tackle all the things that weaken or kill us.
And it’s hard to identify. Some person may seem super chill on the outside but internally they have monkey mind doing a number on their internal stress levels. Stressed out at home about stuff that they don’t tell anybody about and that they don’t show. And then there is, as you’ve said, the genetic component, which we know so little about.
A classic, from John Dory, on aging as a surfer for those who missed it.
https://www.swellnet.com/news/swellnet-dispatch/2022/10/27/losing-my-religion
Any idea who John Dory is?
Just a swellnet user, I suppose. I didn’t google him.
Pretty sure it’s an alias. He writes a lot like some people around here though.
Do you suspect that he’s making a Finding Nemo reference ?
It’s Gila and a dory is a boat.
John Dory is an Australian fish.
Delicious
Me
Loved that one and the others that you’ve shared.
I also Wish that you’d write more often. Watch something inspirational, such as Finding Nemo or Surf ‘s Up, and give us some positive lit.
I thought it was the Aussie national fish.
Yup, that’s what I was getting at.
Let’s hope so
It’s not as much about longevity as it is quality of life. We are all going to die regardless, it’s whether you want your remaining years to be fulfilled or a tragic burden.
PS….Cocaine fucks your heart.
Gonna be the killjoy here. I hate buzzwords, but I do agree with “healthspan” over lifespan. How you live your days is far more important than how many of ’em you live. My old man lived to 87 but barely did a thing for the last 10. Was horribly sad watching him go into a living cocoon.
We might all go at 80 or whatever, but there’s a big difference in how we live til we croak our final breath.
Derek… your lead on this one may be your all-time greatest. Mighty pen…