This is maintenance for the body that lets you keep surfing the way you want to surf.
It ain’t easy gettin’ old or so they say. The joints stiffen, the muscles wither, the dicky don’t stiffen like it used to and, in the later stages of life, just swallowing a decent hunk o’ meat without coughing your lungs up is a miracle.
And if you surf, which I hope we all still do, at least in some form, unless it’s on one of those damned electric paddle steamer foils, you’ll know that them hips sure don’t behave like they did when you were a juicy teen.
You’ll recall, one week ago or thereabouts, sexy senior Shane Dorian’s chilling warning to the over-40 surfer. Dorian said if you’re not practising your pop-up, god I hate that term but yeah, you’re goin’ to fade out of the game.
Now, Dorian, whose Instagram account is followed in equal measures by homosexuals, mammies, and surfers who came of age in the nineties, all imagining his exciting locker-room scent, writes:
Most surfers over 40 are not losing their edge because they are getting old.
They are losing it because their hips stopped moving the way they are supposed to.
Locked up hips kill your pop up. A stiff thoracic spine kills your paddling. That dull ache in your lower back that never fully goes away is your body telling you something needs to change.
This is the movement I come back to every single morning, before a surf session or at the end of a workout.
Hip opener into thoracic rotation.
Do it consistently and your hips start opening up, your lower back quiets down, and your paddle stroke starts feeling the way it did ten years ago.
This is not a stretch routine.
This is maintenance for the body that lets you keep surfing the way you want to surf.
Hip gaping!
The noted surfer from Santa Cruz Skin Dizzle aka Ken Collins sums up the mood in the commentary pane:
The colder the water the more the hips get locked up. All my friends my age are getting their hips replaced. This is the the life hack everyone needs to know.
Big question, I suppose: anyone stretch thereby gaping the hips or is it easier just to talk game and gradually fade into the darkness?
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advanced hair, yeah yeah!
Testosterone shots and black coffee.
Both great options until you consider the possibility that Testosterone could be an accelerant for cancer.
Or a couple of Valium. Either way I guess.
I love observing the differences between the middle aged local tradies up here compared to the new local white collar city cunts who move up. The tradies will just turn up to surf bleary eyed do no stretching and just paddle out and still rip and get all the good set waves.
The blow in rich cunts with all the gear and no idea and with perfect gym bodies honed after a few hours of work on their computers will do 30 minutes of yoga on the beach, paddle out and when they finally get a wave surf it like they’re trying to hang a shit.
My rig is starting to break down a little after 30 years wearing a nail bag and lifting heavy shit at fucked up angles and so on but my discipline to practice gaping my hips after a long day on site is around zero and I just use my spare time to actually surf.
This may sound fucked to some of yous but when the big rig breaks down I will just turn to getting pitted on a lid or something cuz I have fuck all interest in riding mid lengths and other pieces of shit to get my kicks cuz even the thought of it bores to tears. I have been very lucky and got to travel the world getting sick pits and would rather remember the the sick times than just become another miserable old cunt out there trying to keep their dream alive.
Life is good and my young daughter, spending time with family and friends and the memories I have of big perfect pits is fucking heaps better than stressing about gaping my hips haha yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
If the time comes I suspect that you’ll happily transition to middies in order to keep getting tubed, and none of your surf mates and locals will judge you for doing the needful. It’ll happen to most of those who can continue on and don’t have to give up.
Great perspective! But at first I wondered if you were implying that SC might transition in a similar manner as our hero Sasha Jane?
There is more chance of that than me ever riding a mid length mate haha.
Famous last words! Frame it!
Pride and vanity have always been issues for me Picard so maybe in a few years I will be on here but known as Strayan Sheila
Your vanity is well received but we are left to wonder when you’ll give in to a mid or longboard?
When You do, send us the link to your only fans
you guys don’t know how good you have it up there. Here in Victoria, sure the waves are powerful but they are also sloooowwww. Which is kind of the worst of both worlds when you add in cold water. Unless you rip, you simply can’t surf a high performance surfboard over the age of 40. The only way is to add volume, either width or length. So many guys here ride like a 5’9″ puddle jumper and still surf like shit because they board is too small and they are too fat.. All my boards are over 40 litres now.
After you turn 35 your age determines your volume
You can tell they will suck and won’t be an issue as soon as they pull their board out of sock and the tail pad is 6″ up from the leash plug. Board of choice most likely some JS xero gravity POS.
What about the punchable face?
Well SC, I wore a nail bag for 8 summers to save and pay my way through school. Now in my 60s with three bulging discs and 7 joint surgeries I don’t stretch or do yoga before I paddle out on my longboard(another reason to hate me). BUT I am now 9 weeks into a 2 days per week core strengthening and hip loosening program that has made me much looser and of course more tolerant of my Aussie buddies.
i once told Longtom that when it came time to shelve the paper thin 6’2”s, i would do so with dignity and retire
Dignity is like vanity, both failing and a good 6’10” is fun. I’ll retire when I die
With all the aging BGers I foresee in the near future advertorial pimping surf specific Depends undergarments and salt water proof hearing aids. At least in Australia the guvment will pay for it. Here in the US it’ll be full price or the cheap Temu knockoffs.
Talking about waterproof. YouTube algo recommended Brett Barley’s channel to me and he seems to be living the idealic surf dad life, with his wife and 2 1/2 kids, staying at Macaronis resort.
Anyway he took a fin to the ass cheek, when his board turned over, and got a 5” slice on his ass. Very gross. Stitches and waterproof bandages to attempt to surf again, although I didn’t watch to the end (why would I) and suspect that his surf trip was essentially over, despite what he said to the camera. He kept showing his little son ripping away with the usual, terrible, grom style. Barley has fully transitioned to Pro Surfer 3.0. Good work if you can get it, I suppose. The water was very, very blue and looked warm.
All those influencer drones overhead must make surfing a place like that annoying now.
I’m finally giving in and joining the hearing aid club and one of the hurdles has been the need for a waterproof one as forgetting to take it out before paddling out will be an expensive mistake.
Its good that some surfers are starting to realise that just like any piece of equipment with moving parts, your body needs regular maintenance if you want it to keep working. And muscles. No muscles, no movement. Weak and unbalanced muscles, weak and unbalanced movement. On top of that, no muscles, your skeleton is just a useless pile of bones piled on the ground. So basic… but…
I mean who could forget the swillnut club’s ludicrous, no idea whatsever, ignorant, totally clueless, totally inexperienced, totally unqualified… but ‘intermediate expert’… ‘eyem are swillnut but…’ dreamteam, blathering, slathering, slobbering, squwarking, anti ‘muscalz’… ‘wee ‘ate farkin’ youzluss muscals, n wee donet kneed know youzluss stinkin’ muscalz!!!’
https://youtube.com/shorts/slKXp88uk9Q?si=6wY7PWPmIESOKFFQ
https://youtube.com/shorts/8CY-7q5-ZQk?si=tNqDvoAXrqrpnGKA
https://youtube.com/shorts/0hbnX9OEzjY?si=IopVa3wmd_8uN_zB
In reality, 50 – 60 is still relatively young, primetime, if you’ve done your maintenance. Correctly. I don’t consider expensive, extensive stem cell therapy maintenance, or extensive surgeries maintenance for that matter either. Or peds, including HRT, etc. Not a path I’m interested in.
I’m over 70 now, retired from over 50 years in the muscle maintenance field. In this day and age I meet and surf with heaps of ‘influencers’, flexing up, spouting all sorts of stuff. And help quite a few with ‘no injuries’, deal with the gee look, ‘na can’t do that… it hurts me’…. injuries…’ Its fun. Only a couple of days ago, after a surf, I had some fun with a couple of 30 year old yoga, calisthenics, weights, you name it, flexers. Talking about surfing mobility, range of motion, intensity, ‘core’, recovery, nutrition, hormones, etc, etc.
They were actually pretty switched on, genuinely into it, so, open to genuine, in depth, long term, experience. One approach that works well is to ask about favourite ‘movements’ and the reasons why they are being done. From there it’s easy to see glaring holes, weakness, injury, inconsistencies, mistakes etc. And glaring holes can’t be hidden. Sure, you can always employ the old standby ‘lookaway’, but deep down people know that’s just cutting your muscles off to spite…
One of the worse things is showing people something, and away they go. Then when you check on them a few weeks later, and the ‘thing’ you showed them is totally butchered, totally unrecognisable. ‘Remember… I specifically said..’
‘Nnnnaaarrr fffaarrrk orfv… nnnaaarrr ya didn’t…’
‘But look we made a vid…’
‘Naaarrrr vatz farkin’ fayke farkin’ newz aaayyyeee… but…’
Here’s one I get them to try, especially when they go on about, ‘all those little stabilizers’ and ‘core’. And ‘intensity’, mind muscle link, and indestructible glute/ham/back chain. Intense hypers to genuine failure. 66 when I did this vid to stir up some friends. 60 kgs. I can use 70 for a few reps, no worries. They’re always helpless… with none to fuck all weight/resistance… ‘ffaaarrrkk… me bax brakin’!!! Shood sea meee deadies but… knot tudday mee ‘ipz iz stil farked frum ver laaazt lort..’
‘That’s ok, after seeing that, I’d rather not. I can just imagine… I mean all that power… and all…’
https://youtu.be/sMhVeAemjo8
Bottom line, hormones. Rule everything. Including second to bottom line, recovery. Make sure your maintenance, including recovery and ‘training’ enhances hormone profile. Make sure your ‘recovery’, (includes nutrition), optimizes hormones. No hormones, no muscles, no muscles, no hormones. Catch 22.
2 ultimate, swillnut, ludicrous, hilarious, glaring, swiss cheese debacle fallicies:
‘Juzz farkin’ szurf ‘eeps aaaayyyeee… mmmaaayyytteee…’ Like Slats, MR, Laird, etc, etc, etc, a surgeon’s, stem cell/peptide clinic’s dream come true!!!
Or even more stup… hilarious ‘juzz bee are traydee ayyeee…’ They always retire bouncing around like grommetts…
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Solid! I’m 63 with three bulging discs and 7 joint surgeries including a hip labrum repair that causes me to be smarter these days. I finally gave in and hired a trainer to focus correctly on strengthening my core and hip area as I was unable to solve the problems I was experiencing. He works with the orthopedic group that has repaired me over the years and 9 weeks in his efforts have netted a massive improvement in my strength and mobility. Pop ups are much improved…
Yin Yoga
Anyone interested in range of motion should practice Yin
No balance poses, every pose is executed on the ground. Key is, to hold positions for long periods of time, 7 minutes.
Adds space to your fascia, protects your knee ligaments and lower back. Allows “space” to occupy your physicality.
As you age, strength isn’t the major factor often.
Agility is your muse or your Kryptonite
Up until the age of 25 I could do stuff Marilyn manson needed surgery for.
Stretch is life.
I have been gassing it down the line and belting some sections lately. Ripped a lovely little slash that got a compliment from my all time crush and the one I pine for endlessly this morning also.
Xox
you fall in love with any lass that’ll look your way huh? I was really hoping for a French Odyssey for Dogsnuts.
Oh mate, my heart isn’t in it really while this lady still lingers in my mind, it’s been years and the most impossibly difficult yet somehow perfect scenario. All I can do is present myself in a proper manner and wait for her prompting.
Xox
The ball gag is that tight huh? Some ladies do it to you
It’s a blessing and a curse, she’s all I see.
Xox
Any lady would be happy to have ya mate xx
You are so lovely sometimes !
Xox
I have occasional moments of softness for the dear ones in my life
on a sincere note, I knew under all that suggestive homosexuality was a tender heterosexual man looking for his queen. Best of luck to you.
I heard about it and unique stretching
It just wasnt for me DogNuts
Tear jorker.
Xox
Are you up for a bus ride DogsNuts?
Absolutely brilliant thank you!
Xox
Wtf?! Please explain
Say hi to Negs for us xx
I’VE GOT A HOUSE!!!
Get the keys next Friday.
So fuckin stoked. 5 mins walk to work, 5 mins by cycle to beach.
You are all invited to crash if ever in town.
You won! It is the litte battles that matter most.
Add my smile to your face.
Now I need some sweet, sweet lovin’, and I’ll be a whole man again.
I”l pop in and finger your bumhole!
Xox
Every opportunity available with Dogsnuts
Keep your bumholes safe everybody
I’m old enough to not turn down any viable offers.
LatinAmericancupid.com
I actually met my wife on that site.
Share that pin I’m coming over with SC and a Hawaiian pizza with Negronis
This SC abbreviation is becoming confusing cuz of the options. I would prefer to go by the name Scunt that Hippy called me the other day. It might have been a typo but I really like it for some reason hahaha
I call the ex-wife a skunt. Skank and cunt.
Hahahahahaha maybe thats why I like it mate
You guys are too much
I gotta go pretend to work, but will laugh on the way
I like the options, keeps everyone on their toes or knees.
Sorry, cunt. (SC)
A simple cunt is still my fave mate
Oh splendid news my dear Channel! Rebuilds are life affirming and we are all rooting for you!
Xox
The new Hurlululey HQ?
Bewdy mate. I’m coming up. Look out for me at the IGA.
here’s a shot so you know it’s me https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hope you screwed Ando down (in price of course)
I was doing all those last year and pilates. missed it a few times and lost my mojo.
my hips are feeling weird in the colder water this year too, I will ask the wifey to start nagging me.
Cold water is the work of the devil.
it’s hideous stuff. thins the crowd a touch though.
doesn’t help that my winter wetty looks like dr Frankenstein has fixed it.
Cold day in hell when a man gotta ask his gal to deliver life lectures.
Hahahahahahahaha
necessary evil. she is a great motivator.
It’s hip to be square!
TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW, YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!
You might like this
https://youtu.be/weu-9woaYQM?si=7fwmgX4oAkRFeUc6
No shit, this just inspired me to do some stretching and exercising.
Like said, you gotta like doing it, not hating doing it like a chore.
Comes with benefits
Not a fan of treadmills, stationary bikes, weights etc, when you can run, ride or do manual work which is not so mind numbing…
Or do it all at once and go for a surf in any kind of slop, which is for the mind also.
Not to mention the salt water is so good, even though it is filled with fish shit and whale cum
As we all have learned via sweet cheeks, working on those glutes pays dividends.
DEREK NEEDS YOU 🫵
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
To fight for what’s right…
Better to quit than live on your knees as Zapata would’ve said if he shredded.
He spared my great grandpaps! “One of the good ones” he was!
Though less about the quitting, and more about the dying on your feet, with that bloke…
Wholehearted thanks to Mr Dorian.
I’ll definitely be incorporating this move into my basic morning routine. I particularly appreciate that it’s just one action, not an over-wrought collection of shit that I intend to do but give up because it’s too complex.
Keep it simple.
Something I’d like to add is the idea that “ Discipline beats motivation “. This may sound semi-redundant, but the difference between motivation and discipline is huge. Motivation is when you’re feeling it and the desire for self-improvement gets you up and doing your thing. Discipline is the other 200 days of the year when you’re flat and lazy but you get it done anyway because it’s just what you’ve got to do.
I do twenty push-ups, down ward dog, cobra pose then up with a few squats on top. Everyday. Rain,hail, shine, hot ,cold….whatever. Over a thousand consecutive days now ( bar a few weeks with injury) and my body moves better now than when I was starting when three- odd years younger.
I would tell yous all my morning routine but I’m guessing nobody wants to hear it or can already guess what it includes!
Scrambled eggs?
Usually just a scrambled brain
Man-batter!
Throw a dead-hang in there to get them shoulders juicin.
you wanna compete with the kids you better get your chins in there.
keep them lats powered up.
nuthin worse than a weak paddle
Brother, don’t think I ain’t swinging from that bar all day every day.
it’s a gals best friend
Did you see that guy whos trying to live forever now has a rare disease?
Yeah, he sure does miss the forest for the trees that weirdo.
Straight arm push downs with a cable are better, more sims to paddling. But something is better than nothing
But you gotta have dang cables.
Resistance bands! Preferably with handles!
Ugh!!
That’s the sound you’ll be making juicing up those wings Dezzles!!!!
The strongest paddle comes from paddling…
no brutha, you need to power up them paddle muscles.
Put a stronger outboard on the hull.
Maybe I paddle like “Toledo in Tahiti” everytime a set approaches.
You strengthen the ones you actually need
Get a bodybuilder to lay bricks for a day or paddle around.
Needs to be a balance
and fuck yeah chinups are one of the best thing you can ever do to “carry” yourself forward
Climbers look like fuck all, but they are mutants all the way to their fingers.
Haha, thats funny, because I changed my 150 Johnson to a 225HP merc on my 21ft Swiftcraft. It would already hit 46 knots. I never really got to enjoy the difference, I sold it in 2021, but there were no notable extra benefits from the 225 except top end and a massive increase in fuel, and I fucked with 3 and 4 bladed props. Out of the hole was seconds difference, but who goes 0-100 all the time in a boat.
In a tinny yeah. A few horses make a BIG difference, till the point of diminishing returns…..
Same as paddling Fast vs Powerful, and we can’t change our hands unlike a simple boat propellor.
Unless you wear webs?
They are fuckn awesome (but not COOL)
go from a 6 to a 15 on a tinny- it’s magic.
Fuck yeah, but diminishing returns for bigger money sink holes.
My $1500 12 foot tinny car topper with 6hp could plane with 3 blokes, and we used to tow with it .
Gotta find the pics
With a 15Hp it would have been lethal
I have a pair that are sitting around. Think I’ll bust them out and give em a try now that you say so….fuck being cool.
YEEEEWWWW!!!!!!
I’ve tried a few shoulder moves but am worried about rooting my shoulders. I am already a good paddler and figure if it ain’t broke , don’t fix it.
The single best thing you can ever do, for your health and your surfing, is to allocate time and money towards an annual Surf Spectacular. A trip where you do nothing but surf, surf, surf good waves in warm water. I missed my usual window due to obligations but have the next in mind.
Surf China pool my next stop!
…and uncrowded one would hope.
750 ml. curls at twenty to eight in the morning!
Full grown fucken Aussie!
Xox
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Have a good wank mate!
Xox
Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I thought that Disqus auto deleted pornography, but I guess that you can override that with your MOD status. Think of the children.
Haha it was requested. Thankfully anyone to ever visit is of age.
Xox
I love watching Shane freak out over mortality and old age.
How good are them attack dog titties. Strider getting mogged.
…xxxx
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hard as…
We love you Dez but no buzz words please.
Xox
“Electric paddle steamer foils” What the fuck have you done?
You are just giving them more ideas for another $30K surfcraft.
Needs to be simple and affordable, and can fit in the boot along with the walking frame
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hahahahaha
G-dub lollypop around here
I have no idea what that even means
AI told me it means
“A headjob from a primary school crossing guard with a $20 dollar bill”
You are Australian, so do you mean a “Lobster Gobby in front of the Primary School”?
You can start the translation through basic known terms.
i.e.
Vee-Dub (VolksWagen)
George Dubya Bush (George W Bush)
We can then discern that the ‘dub’ means ‘W’.
Then it’s a direct line to GW, meaning Great White shark.
And a lollipop is a sweet treat…
Thanks. That really helps to make it make sense now, even as an Aussie.
Easy Shark food.
Do sharks like Aged Sundried Mutton though?
Also there is an electronic steering and throttle control on the arm rest, and a 12V motor capable of chopping any shark under 12 foot up, and a paddle if the battery goes flat too.
Thinking we could sell BeachGrit branded ones for less than $1500
Lifetime Guarantee
Whaaaaat ?
You’re not American ?
Aayyyy ?
There’s nooo way I would’ve gone to that translation trouble if I thought you were an Aussie.
Thought ya were one of them weak minded dopey as all fuck useless Maga cunts, not just a bloody half-witted ocker galah, ya fuckin’ dunny lickin’ wombat.
For fucks sake mate
Give yaself an uppercut and drink a fuckin’ VB longneck right now, ya dog.
And then repeat hourly from 20 to 8 in the fuckin’ mornin’ till ya earn ya fuckin’ Aussie blokes card back, ya fuckin’ dog cunt…
FUCK YOU Ya fuckn bogan dickhead
We drink GOON over here mate.
It is a fuckn Chicken Parmi, NOT a PARMA
We also call em Potato Scallops here, Not a fuckn fritter or a cake.
Sorry, but a “G-dub Lollypop” sounds like some fuckn lame Yank crap.
Call it something cool
For a start a potato cake is nothing like a potato scallop or fritter, it’s made of potato mashed up with other ingredients like finely chopped onion and parsley, some like a bit of carrot etc, with salt and pepper to season of course.
Whereas potato scallops and fritters are just deep fried thick slices of battered potatoes.
As long as your goon bladder’s served swinging from a Hills Hoist that’s perfectly alright.
Can’t we just call something what its actually called without the shortenings or nicknames for a change ?
Parmigiana.
Surely Chas would appreciate it if we all tried to be the kind of guys he’d take to the ballet.
P.S.
Anyway, unfortunately ya got a fellow Aussie, Longtoms cuzzy, to blame for the confusion.
That bloke might be a bloody maga lover after all…
If I WANT A PARMIGIANA I WOULD GO TO ITALY
I want a fuckn Parmi, with a Chiko roll and a forgotten Cornjack.
Also, Which one of you stupid cunts started the trend of putting the THICK fucken “Freedom Fries” under the whole establishment.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
The chips underneath shits me that hard
very uncooth
Who the fuck wants soggy chips mate?
Whats wrong with it? Soggies up the fries? Thought you would like the chicken juice infusion seeing you keep chicken salt in your car for emergencies.
This is the kind of language that should be tought in our schools, not just French and Italian.
I thought that was one Pips new Chopes quiver for sitting in the channel watching his heat
You can’t script this, but this is Felipe Toledo’s year.
It is not a redemption arc, as Felipe has never had any good waves rolling through, worthy of taking, in the past, in Tahiti.
He was just for waiting for the BOMBS!
Just like of the rest of us RIGHT NOW!
So is Gerlach doing well enough with his thing for others to try the same business model?
He’s doing great, mostly because he doesn’t call it a pop-up.
Arm/chest/shoulder pop/strength coupled with flexibility is the key to later life surfing. The rest is a sideshow to that, regardless of how legendary you think you are.
Amen to that, bruz.
… eating clean ‘n’ lean and, casting the demon liquor to hell!
and Brazilian jiu jitsu. Obviously that too.
How about when your knees are aching daily?
Surgery
Glucosamine, chondroitin and ibuprofen.
They all work very, very well in the short term. As for the long term, you’ll have to ask your physician.
yeah, but have you heard of the Muppet gaping program?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Subtle!
Based on your boards that you post, a long slow lumber to the feet seems to be the go. 🤣
and that’s the proper way to gape someone.
Anyone else getting FLASHBACKS?
GOATSE will be used by AI against us
One of your clients?
opposing counsel
Kermit the flog!