"Just being you is enough? I'm sorry, it's not enough. Maybe if you're the only person on an island, cool. No woman wants a man who's harmless."
The world’s sexist over-60, at least until Shane Dorian arrives on the scene with his gaped hips in a few years, is the Malibu-based trainer Laird Hamilton, a man whose exploits in big Hawaiian surf have thrilled patrons of magazines and movies for four decades.
Hamilton, who is sixty-two-year-old, is equipped with enormous and deeply sunburned breasts and a nose as red as a turkey-cock. He is as core as they come, and in his latest appearance on a podcast has slammed the whole dang just-being-you-is-enough-we’re-all-beautiful-and-uinique feelgood bullshit that prevents many men from glorying in their fountains of testosterone.
Laird Hamilton’s advice is real simple: learn to fight or be a cuck to other more capable men.
“You want to make men that women aren’t interested in? Just think you’re worthy as you are. There’s a great quote, you can’t be peaceful unless you’re capable of great violence,” says Laird.
“Because if you’re not capable of great violence, then you’re just harmless. If you just think being you is enough, good luck. First of all in finding a mate.”
Laird turns to his interlocutor.
“You know who Vladimir Klitschko is? Yeah. I was talking about boxing. I’m like, well why do you fight? And he goes, well, because at the end of the day you get to choose what woman you want to be with.
“Just being you is enough? I’m sorry, it’s not enough. Maybe if you’re the only person on an island, cool. No woman wants a man who’s harmless.”
Important question: apart from Jonah Hill, you know anyone else who can annihilate on whim? You got skills? Or you think you gonna see red and beat hell out of whoever’s got it coming?
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Upvote if Laird breaks character in the bedroom
Weren’t competitive sports invented because the loser dying was kind of a downer? Pretty grim the whole reversion back to blood sports. Better ball or batt in hand. Better yet, throw a net between you, you heard me Bobby. I blame all the rising tides bullshit.
Despite his douchyness he’s still a fucken legend on our time.
Not on Australian time though
I don’t care for the current Laird, much like the current Slater.
But back in the day, before phones and all the noise we have now.
Pop in the VHS and sit back and (re)watch that shit
True Watermen
Robby Naish too
We all get old and it is hard to let it go…
If unsolicited, I agree.
Haha excellent
Xox
Laird needs his own Netflix series. Laird Lair. A day in the life & ramblings of a batshit crazy old cunt.
I see a cartoon series on this…you’ll be in the credits
Do it Deeks
Laird is a harmless 60 year old
I don’t care who you are or what fighting etiquette there is. If you come for me I’ll do anything to kick your arse. Ball kicks, throat punches, eye gouges etc, nothing is off the table. My favorite is a good old head stomp to keep the fucker down. Anyone else got some dirty techniques I could use in my next encounter?
p.s. The shirt pull over the head is another good one
In FL we just shoot you. And it’s legal.
The way it should be
Hair pulling
Handfull of sand in the eyes. Dry sand works better.
Laird is apparently the new sheriff of Malibu – Keep your ugly fuckin’ goldbrickin’ ass out of my beach community!
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I’ve been out of the dating game for a long, long time. But as I recall, I preferred guys who made me laugh, could hold their own in a game of Scrabble, and gave bonus points if they played guitar. I don’t think fighting ability factored in unless they seemed to attract fights, which felt unsafe to be around.
It seems we would not have been compatible mate but one out of three aint too bad I suppose haha
I didn’t realize you play guitar! (hahahahahahahaha)
I don’t but I’m a gun at scrabble!!
Now we dig deep into the philosophical aspects of Laird. Did Laird earn the right based upon his street fighting or surfing prowess? And while I do agree with slivers of his manly assertions based my own youthful fighting I sure as hell never promoted it with my boys, both of whom project the ideal balance of alpha and humble male aura. Much of that comes from talking about avoiding street fights unlike their father.
Laird watched fight club and didn’t understand the subtext.
Some find it hard to look in the mirror while understanding what they actually see.
That hair do is ultra violent…
Lairds brother Lyon is tougher than he is.
The “you can’t be peaceful if you aren’t capable of violence” trope might be one of the dumbest fucking things the manosphere has come up with
nauseating, like most cliches
I think there’s some truth to that. Because some humans are power hungry and need to be kept in check. Some people are always gunna push and test you unless they know.
Same thing as punching the bully in the nose, then they don’t mess with you anymore.
Even if bad actors sometimes need to “find out”to be kept in check, you can still be a peaceful person without being capable of violence. Being peaceful is not the same thing as using force to keep the peace.
C’mon, there’s a lot of money out there for influencers who appeal to our population of Incel Alpha’s. Just move into your parents basement and it will all make sense.
bingo
I dunno, Barrelled is right. Laird moved to Malibu and is playing a role
We rented a space in our building to a Hollywood trainer who taught actors how to fight on screen. He had a mate from Nam and a Japanese kid named Kenji as employees. Pretty sure they did all the training. Stephen was a big guy, loud, carried himself like a crime boss. Big man on campus.
Each night I would close the shop and work on tomorrow’s orders. A cast of characters would assemble, smoke weed and make fun of each other decades before blogs. Stephen would attend and no one else got in a word.
Peter was fascinated by Ikebana, I’m formally trained. We would dine at Barney’s Beanery and talk flowers, Stephen would get bored and move on with a dramatic flair. Ikebana and Aikido had odd similarities and I trained with Peter even after my humiliating experience in the boxing club. Push and pull and leverage was essentially Aikido. The relationships between surf earth and water are the premise of Ikebana. It all fit.
Very long story shorter, Stephen went on to fame. I designed his wedding to his Hollywood starlet even though I loathed the woman and her mom. The dojo closed and Peter came to say goodbye, he was moving to Japan with Kenji.
One of our delivery drivers, an acrobat with ridiculous skills stood in fear next to Peter. Just froze, couldn’t believe we were friends. He spoke broken english and I wanted to fire the guy, he was terrible at his job. I had no idea the acrobat was training in the martial arts and knew the players.
He told another driver that Peter was to be feared. He could kill you before you knew. Stephen had mentioned his experiences in Nam with Peter, more reverent than reverent. Matt, the other driver asked the acrobat about Stephen and the kid laughed, “Stephen is an actor, the small guy (Peter) is an assassin”.
The acrobat went on to minor film stardom as a tough guy too. I’ll never forget the fear in his eyes that day Peter came to say goodbye. I could never watch his movies and believe.
There is a writer on this site that socially climbs to meet Navy Seals. Uses “friends” for access. DR loves him. Thing is, most Special Forces won’t talk to him about their trade. They’d rather talk about flowers or cooking and you’d never know.
so when does Memoirs of a Hippy come out?
It’s out there in pieces but can’t be linked to without giving away Hip’s identity.
Oh come on
That story Com could have been pages and pages.
Just know that anyone attractive working in BH, WoHo, Mid City wants to be a musician or actor, they’re just slinging hash until their big break like Lana Turner, discovered at an ice cream counter.
Every girl you meet is from somewhere, starred in her school play and left small town USA to become a star because of her junior year appearance in Westside Story where her local paper gave her rave reviews.
Oh come on what? Just trying to respect your desire to not be identified. Not sure how the girl analogy above fits into anything but I’m dense sometimes. The writings are good, why not re-post some of them on here so as not to give away your identity but still share what you have done before it’s lost by places going out of access like LT’s old bloggy thingy? You certainly had that knack for pissing some people off. Ha!
I’ve thought about that, but where would I post them? This isn’t the place and talk about surfing adjacent?
I was responding to Com too…. btw with the girl analogy
My job was discretion. It doesn’t feel like I still owe these people privacy, but it’s hard to break old habits like calling the point I love Dane and Sushi’s.
PS. I did write about meeting Larry. For one summer he attended our after hours jokathons, he was dating a super model in the building behind the store. Then he went to Japan with another childhood friend of mine and that was that.
The one on Reddit with the Centaur?
Maybe just copy and paste what you think is the best and post it below the line. See what happens.
Byron Bay is a bit like that now.
I’ve become curious about this..
One of the guys I’m referring to trained with those guys, Aikido master. They are next level gnarly and would probably beat the living hell out of any of the MMA guys.
Great story, you have really interesting experiences.
I fought a Navy SEAL once when I was a kid. He was wasted at 8:00 p.m., buck naked, crashed my girlfriend’s party in Point Loma. Didn’t like being told to leave the girls alone. Kicked his ass, to an extent. He was a little guy though, but I didn’t choose to start throwing punches. He had a couple of Seal buddies there as well, but I had a couple of buddies who were pretty hard kids Las Vegas natives. We decided that the best thing was they take care of their guy, and then they can come back and we can all chill
love the last bit…well all of it…..and yeah special services guys , ya would never know as they are so low key…don’t need to prove themselves ……all my life for some reason, have attracted our special military, as the ones that surf are so interesting , as they are so damn humble especially in the surf!
I’m guessing Gabby Reece can and has repeatedly kicked Laird’s ass
Yeah, and it certainly is easy to talk shit about fucking people up when you are the size of an NFL middle linebacker.
Speaking of LBs, the great philosopher Toby Keith, also built like an LB and a legit one at that once said:
“I’m as good once as I ever was”
I know what it was like to come across the middle underneath LBs like Toby. So call me blind but I don’t see that level of meanness in Laird’s eyes. So we are left to wonder why he feels the need to talk tough at our age? Maybe he’ll share his street fighting record and stories next week?
Yeah, built like, but doesn’t seem to have the same mindset.
Yeah really. It does hold water and it’s not a trope as you say but you clearly have no idea what and who I am referring to. I’m talking about guys who will dismantle these so called “fighters” before they know what happened. Guys that are adept at martial art disciplines that don’t translate over to rolling around in pajamas with someone’s balls in your face. Guys trained in security, defense, covert ops. Not your typical douchebag walking around all tough guy, puffed up like a balloon. You would think these guys are anything but what they really are, almost nerdy. But trust, they will take you down and out anywhere anytime. These are real people, not some made up “trope”.
In the old days, boomers looked out for guys with cauliflower ears(wrestlers) and wildin eyes.
big puffy hands like catchers mitts
Ranchers and cowboys are the prime example of those hands
Become fighter. Get lots of women. That was my take away.
I’m sure glad I worked construction through HS and college as fighting was secondary to swinging a hammer. So I am Laird’s ideal man… if only I swung his way!
If you’re looking for an Alessa Quizon then sure.
Meanwhile John John choosing his own battles of surf and serenity in Panama…under the lip take off’s to throaty barrels where the jungle meets the beach as wife and son revel in each moment.
Yeah, but can he fight?
You betcha😤