“What shade of deck stain is this?”
A short break from the rigours of reporting the machinations of surf culture with all its interesting players and the professional matrix that lays gently on top, Teahupoo only days away etc, and a dive into real world reporting, of the things that matter.
And, here, we find the Muay Thai fighter Ryan McDonald, who has subsequently been dubbed the world’s most sun-tanned man, who was filmed rescuing a young female driver from a road rage attack.
Watch!
As comedic as the clip above is, it’s no match for the below the liners.
Too many candidates for Australian of the year now. But this young man will at least take home the bronze.
What shade of deck stain is this?
Goes viral… for all the bronzed reasons.
First person to survive a cremation
Bro don’t climb out of a vehicle. He climbed straight out of Tekken.
As a card carrying member of the bleached hair and weekly spray tan community, he did wonderfully and we are proud
Imagine getting saved by goku
Not all heroes wear capes, they wear bronzer
A few questions, takeaways, queries and so on.
Have you ever gone a little too hard on the Sudden Tan and Sun In hair bleach in an attempt to appear more surf? Did it work and how long did you continue the program, the stacking of hydrogen peroxide and Dihydroxyacetone?
I used, enthusiastically, for a couple of summers, white hair, skin, Mission Oak.
Second, can you beat any of the below the liners above?
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Magda from Something about Mary?
those of you who are (or pretend to be ) chopes vets need to share some stories down here BTL in honor of the Pip Memorial Contest that’s about to launch
Geordie Guile
HEY ! PIP !! PIIIIP !! PIP PIP PIP check it ooooooout mate
( from swellnet [ credible ])
Monday is the third day of the waiting period and will dawn with waves in the 8-10 foot range, easing to 8 feet by close of play.
Imagine walking into a spray tan joint an asking for
” anus bronze “
You can keep that on your pallete
as he is also a surfer, he prepared his Armani shoulder sling for fight and later to the beach to include tree shampoo, fresh French body bar, a Surfer 50 year table-top compolation, a tube of Prep H, and a dental dam for eventual chick pick-up.
Can only guees what’s in her handbag and whatever the road rage booty was~
?stp=dst-jpg_tt6&cstp=mx1086x724&ctp=s1086x724&_nc_cat=107&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=k79wMc1DDcYQ7kNvwFu53qc&_nc_oc=AdpobLB3Xz1Nvtr3fG-JK0rAA2rZ8idqodYfel2L2qLP4s_cs1736fR4dJXsQZgPEGM&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-sjc6-1.xx&_nc_gid=XpqlqXnNaUFG3tkzkWmwwA&_nc_ss=7b2a8&oh=00_AQH1PE5ROyczebzADBiqXM4XUIMJ9cK9l8gzGi8yEHH09Q&oe=6A78C77C Surf book index slotted here so he can brag that he shaped Greenough’s spoon…
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King Brown!! Cunt…..
When I was in high school we had this fella come and work in the library and he was the complete opposite of what you’d expect a librarian to look like. He was massive, ripped as and constantly bronzed. Almost expected I suppose one of the boys christened him Conan The Librarian and it has stuck ever since. It’s funny cuz I hadn’t seen him in ages but saw him at the beach a cuppla weeks ago and I naturally just said Conan, how ya going mate? Hahaha
Sorry for waffling on gang but while I am talking about high school I have to tell yous this story cuz I reckon some of yous will get a good laugh out of it. So when I was 15 I had this science teacher who was a proper grumpy old cunt who had served in the army and absolutely fucking hated me.
One day and I cant even remember what for he chucked this pretty heavy wooden blackboard eraser at me and it hit me right on the side of the head. Now I’ve picked it straight up and pinged it back at the cunt and a bit of a kerfuffle ensued which ended up with me being suspended for two weeks. Now this is just before Easter and rather than thinking about what I had supposedly done wrong I spent it coming up with a plan for getting back at the fuckwit and I thought it was genius.
I bought a creme egg, filled the cunt with way over the recommended dose of liquid laxative with a hypodermic needle and deadset you would never have seen the pinprick hole in the outer wrapping. First day back I’ve gone up to him and said sorry sir, happy easter and given him this loaded bomb. He just mumbled something and I’ve gone and sat down.
Now I’m siting there going eat it dickhead so imagine my surprise my shock when he suddenly gives it to his lovely assistant/lab assistant who has always been so nice to me and who I know has a grom in kindy? I’m thinking fuck I have to say something in case she takes it home for him when all of a sudden she just starts munching on it. Now with hindsight I should have said something right then but I’m 15 years old and just hope it isn’t as strong as I thought.
But no and within 10 minutes she has dropped what she is doing and is quickly as possible waddling out of the room, faaaaark. Now this was round 10am and by early afternoon I am called into the principles office where my parents are waiting for me and we are informed this is the end of my formal education. We get home and mum bless her tries to keep the smile off her face and dad bless him just says mate what the fuck but its not like you were ever gunna pull up trees in the academic world.
A month later I started a carpentry apprenticeship with a mate of me dads and it was positively terrifying cuz I was surrounded by even bigger cunts than me who were also massive. First day one of the pricks batten screwed me esky to the floor and I nearly put me back out when I went to pick it up. Good times and and I will shut the fuck up for a while now fellas hahahahaha
Nah this is epic. Well done.
Xox
reckon 2nd time u tell this tale, funny but…
“What shade of deck stain is this?” might be the most perfect “throwing shade” mankind has ever created.
On a different note, the First Annual Tower 9 Summit* is coming up first week of October. We need a T-shirt. Any graphic designers out there willing to be paid in shits and grins?
Surely someone can conjure something next level.
*name subject to change if a way more rad name is thrown out into the wind
How about a t-shirt with a photo of you and Hippy together on it since you’ll be the only ones there?
You have no love for MC (Brutus)?
Maurice deservedly gets credit for coming up with idea.
oh I’ll be there…bucket list stuff …yewwww…….really look forward to it….a commemerative shirt also????
We are so turning something impossibly bad into something possibly good. Tower 9 has morphed into some good, and I’m so down to see the best of what it has become.
The ball is in your court on the timing, i.e. date/time. We are most definitely making this happen. It’s only proper.
Looking to being in cali late Oct.
for some Beat gigs. I’ll be the live court sketcher if dates coincide
i’ll be sad if you don’t show up though
I’m on it…give us a sec
You da man!
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bahahahahaha
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gronk
The Australian Jersey Boy
Pauly D!
…or Zeke Lau(stralia)!
More Geordie Shore than Jersey.
pretty impressed the way the initial meth-weasel aggressor got his kit off and ready to throw down
.another quick rinse in the sewer outlet and he’s good to go
First glance looked like a Floridian who got too close to a rocket blast-off…
Oi cunts Willy Wonker called and he wants his Oompalumpa back
And you thought Seppos were vain?
Battle of Long Tan
Poor guy was destined to fight cunts with that look