Heads will certainly roll.
Surfers around the world were left scratching their heads in utter confusion after mega-baggy jean shorts, or jorts, were left off the list of “6 surfer-bro style moves” that should be adopted by men in the know. The looks all came from The Society Archive’s debut ready-to-wear collection that premiered at New York Fashion Week this past Sunday. GQ’s Gerald Ortiz described vibe as a blending of “beach culture with Napoleonic flourishes” and “leaves no doubt about who the Society guy is: a hot jock with an appetite for the beach, vintage flannels, and fancy nights out.”
Meow.
The pieces that should be adopted are:
- Silk boardshorts done up classically with a lace-up fly and velcro waist adjusters.
- Seashell-strewn bags and caps, self-explanatorily festooned with puka shells.
- Plaid, though I don’t know where plaid has been a surfer staple outside of the Pac Northwest.
- Fancy drawstring bags, which are, again, a bit of a question as to how they relate to surfers.
- Sarongs and beach towels.
- Tailoring, which is decidedly not typical surf.
In any case, and as mentioned, the shock was the lack of jorts even after World Surf League number two commentator Kaipo Guerrero debuted his collection at the recently-wrapped Lexus Trestles Pro. There was enough denim aboard to handcraft matching outfits for Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears though Guerrero wore the folds effortlessly, keeping up heat strategy discussions with ease.
The 58-year-old is, of course, not stranger to being a style icon, having once dated Madonna, which makes GQ’s blunder that much more difficult to understand. A silver lining for us surfers bros, though. The male fashion world will soon realize the error of its ways and the price of mega-baggy jorts will skyrocket. You have a fine opportunity to stock up, before that happens.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
mange a trois. misery loves company~
Nah, Boggie. You went full, drunk spanglish on us there.
When I read the comment 12 hours ago it confused me thoroughly, but I ignored it as I didn’t want to talk about tipping as it’s so infuriating.
I’ve just reread it again and am still confused by the scenario
Minis mum is an extremely attractive lady with impeccable taste, I mean look at the cunt she decided to marry and have a child with. The idea of her suddenly deciding to take up tango classes and particularly with a seppo softcock as her teacher is completely laughable my dear Bog haha
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
its our very own Y2K!
we’re aware and full of thoughtlessness.
Sounds like it
Derek knows good surfing.
Around 39 min mark https://youtu.be/GcayVhJv6ms?si=AIkZiharGtLWgo-h
What the actual fuuuuuck ?
Who are these poooofters ?
Both the two twits on the left, and the fag boy on the right.
Bloody hell I’m pleased to have never heard of them.
Looked at stab once about 9 yrs ago and was immediately banned after one comment, so never went there again and came straight to BG, and never looked there again.
And Dezz should be even pleasederer to have gotten away from them such total wankers.
Fuckin’ hell, I’m honestly gobsmacked by it, and I only listened from 37:30 to 43:00 when they’re trying to besmirch Dezza’s good name.
Un be fuckin lievable !
Oi Derek, you want someone to ‘talk’ with these utter lemons ?
Fucking oath brother, I get very protective when any cunts want to talk smack about our dear Derek. I watched the same as you and the minute that soft cock Sam said you have to keep your edge I just turned it off. Stab is the most vanilla, cheesy sell out load of wank you’ll ever read.
Genuine question, who the fuck watches or listens to these wank podcasts? 4 minutes of that shit Is enough for me for the rest of me life
It’s actually a psyop targeting surfers. There’s subliminal messaging which takes effect within a few seconds of viewing. You will develop a deep desire for dick over the coming days that you won’t be able to overcome. Just try to enjoy it I guess
Bogs
Shotgun !
You’re smart B and B. Its a full wank fest over there mate. I’m on my last legs with it.
Would have thought Chas would have an article up by now on Sam McIntosh describing Beachgrit as “icky” on a recent podcast appearance and and how he said Parko told Derek he shouldn’t be commenting a comp in Fiji as he didn’t know what good surfing looked like
Chas gave up on bashing STAB
Sam hasn’t forgotten. He was asked specifically about Derek to be fair though
remember the old days with the table jumping between Chaz and Ashton Goggins.
What happened to Goggins?
Get them both in the jujitsu ring
Oh, Goggins…
…won’t see him no more.
Now that’s a story!
Accurate assessment!
how old is Madge now?
Yeah. Not going there. Not desperate.
The Argy lives here and knows some peeps I do, so a chance encounter may well eventuate.
Go Colombian or Venezuelan. Hotter and not insane. Well possibly insane but not in the same way!
But it has to be said that a chick whispering Portuguese in your ear really has to be heard to be believed.
beware of the later tongue lashing~
I was invited, a couple weeks ago, to fiddle with a mid-50’s lady while her 70YO boyfriend watched. Apparently the idea was to “Work up to double penetration”.
I politely declined, but took it as flattery.
Few other damned hits on these bloody apps.
Was in Seal Rocks this past weekend and surprised myself by casually tuning-up a 28YO Argentinian lady sitting on the rocks. She was wishing her brother would hurry up bringing her softop mal from the south, being a keen new afficianado of the activity. We discussed potential surf lessons from your truly. Thought it unwise to get her number.
I think the old dog might still have the gift, even if a tad rusty.
Was she drinking grass clippings in a manky wooden flask that looked like the holy grail?
If not, definitely not a real argie.
Just be aware that all argies are closet racists and don’t consider themselves South American. Also they speak ridiculous Spanish, like someone from Sunderland speaking English to you
Go for it Bog, cunts from the Goldy are weird as. Make sure ya overcharge her too
Hey my Strayan brothers are we really about to become European hahahaha how funny is that? I don’t wanna be chucked in with all those soft French cunts though
I go back in a few weeks, I definitely identify as a French cunt ha.
Xox
That was never a year ago you were over there baking chicks with those three chicks surely? Fuck me at this rate in what feels like a cuppla weeks I will be as old as Gwen and Hippy
Haha nah only a few months ago that was. I have been a bit spoiled of late
Xox
I’d come in a European. As long as she hasn’t got too much baggage…I mean backpacks
Hahahaha
Mini always comes first and always will mate
baahahahahah
Disqus keeps bumping me out
Hungover as heck at work, played a solo set at the local wine bar last night.
Farrrrrrk
Xox
Setlist pleasey
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Just a ton of Townes, Lanegan, Lemonheads, Blaze and other oddities. Bless.
Xox
Deez Nuts and the Bumholes would be a mental band name for ya
Fuck yes!
Xox
And your groupies could be called the bumettes xx
Hahaha little sweeties.
Xox
Looks like kaipo is about to be served an airline meal…not wearing shorts.
My son just caught a tuna and bought it home.
Had tuna sashimi for breakfast .
Nice
need salsa&sauza?
say that again mate.
slowly.
Just to keep yous all in the loop Straddie is now booked and Minis mum is coming. I would say wish us luck but what could possibly go wrong?
Good going you just jinxed yourself big time.
I wish you luck.
Thanks mate xx
kick out mate- you are inviting drama and disappointment into your life.
Go with your gut sense mate, bless ya.
Xox
Thanks mate. As always I will just cruise and see what happens
To quote sir les Patterson: second hole from the back of the neck!
Will she make you quit commenting if you get back together?
Don’t worry Gwen nothing will ever keep us apart darl xx
Hair is key
Where?
Where u want it
Ooh la la.
Taint fro.