Stage 1
I didn’t choose the longboard life but I did fall in love with, and marry, a woman who lived in Cardiff-by-the-Sea so I suppose the longboard life chose me. I’ve fought it for nearly sixteen years, though, while the waves I regularly surf have become almost exclusively colonized by longer boards. Fought it very much, in fact, internally hating anyone straddling anything approaching nine feet, externally laughing when their antique absurdities washed into the rocks, telling those who cared to listen that I hated longboarding and longboarders because I did or at least thought so.
Cracks, however, started to appear. First, Devon Howard accidentally became my favorite professional surfer. I would find myself pausing on his Instagram clips longer than I should have, watching him dance jazz. Next came actually seeking them out. He gifted me a longboarding world tour singlet from the New York Longboard Classic when he was commissioner of the World Surf League Longboard Tour. I would wear it, on occasion, and tell myself I was wearing it ironically, but was I?
Next, I began to watch the longboarders around me with less palpable rage. I would still mock when their archaic planks careened toward certain damage but when the waves were smaller, and I was just sitting there, ocean water up to armpits, never paddling, I’d observe their glide and wonder if it might be acceptable fun when the waves were smaller and if no one was watching and also if I could play it off as a joke.
Then one day I went to the Boardroom Show in Del Mar, an annual gathering of shapers, surfboard enthusiasts and the surfboard curious. I wandered the aisles, winking at Maurice Cole, who was being honored as the Icon of Foam, fondling various Naked Vikings Surf fins, then happening upon the Channel Islands area. My eyes should have been taking in Solutions or Fevers but they were accidentally taken by a giant blue skyscraper.
And like that, I heard Devon Howard’s warm voice in my ear.
“That’s my CI Log. It’s 9’6 collab between me and Wayne Rich. A traditional longboard with no edge. It’s the real deal.”
My mouth should have said, “Well it looks stupid plus dumb and can go to hell alongside your Birdwell Beach Britches” but it didn’t. It said, “Can I see it?”
Devon went over, carefully took it from the rack and placed it on two real sawhorses, not the miniature variety but rather imperial steeds, and I rubbed my hand on its blue underside.
“Put it under your arm,” Devon encouraged, and I did.
“If you want to borrow it, you can come back in a few hours and take it home,” he continued. “But no pressure.”
No pressure?
This was more pressure than I had felt since narrowly avoiding the Vietnam draft.
Was I really going to take the giant blue pill, stay in wonderland and see how deep the rabbit hole went? I spent the next few hours wandering the Boardroom in a fever, finding no solution. I bumped into Chris Christenson and accidentally complimented his hat. I bumped into Maurice Cole’s accountant. And then I was back in the Channel Islands booth. Without a word, Devon returned to the rack, carefully removed the Log and handed it to me.
“I’ll call you with tips,” he said as I made my way out the door, worried that I was going to whack the unsuspecting.
Pete Mel materialized out of nowhere and started cackling, “Chas Smith is a longboarder!”
Damn that Pete Mel.
I remembered, while trying to fit the Log in my 2013 Jetta Wagon, that, in The Matrix, it was the red pill that took its taker down the rabbit hole. The blue pill allowed for taker to return to a simulated reality.
Had I always been a longboarder?
Damn that Pete Mel.
More tomorrow.
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Seeing as secret agent free/longy/tom tom is being so deep n pushy. The Euro thing shouldn’t be much of a mystery. If you think about n remember the gist of their peak… ‘advancement’.
‘Oye ‘ow old’s that grom… wow, nearly nine aye, perfect!!! Let’s make him our supreme leader fur…’
‘Excuse me Henry (Luis/Charley/Alfonso, etc, etc, etc, take ya pick), ya mum reckons that’s enough of that, so ya better eat ya veggies…’
‘I farkin’ hate her stinkin’ guts, I never get ta do even anyfing even fun or even anything!!! Ever!!! Not even once!!! Ever!!! Never even ever!!! Cut her fuckin’ ‘ed off, n hang her rotten guts outa that tree!’
‘But Henry… it’s ya mummy… mmmmaaayyyteee…’
‘Yer, well I hate your fuckin’ guts too uncle John, so uncle Charley, burn uncle farkin John… n… n, I know, n pull his arms and legs orf and squish him like a bug!!!’
‘Yer… n when ya finished, uncle stupe’ told me a secret secret, that uncle derek n uncle chaz sed stuff, so poke their eyes out n burn those shit head dummies, and their whole dummy country up!!! And do a poo on it!!!’
‘Where’s uncle farkin’ free/longy/tom tom!!! Hurry up n write a story abowt me amazin’ sword fightn n stuff!!! N about that super biggie horsey I rode at g….’
‘Yeh but… it weren’t that big… it was just a pony but… n ya kinda… chickened out… n… completely fucked up n…’
‘Ere, is that cart still out the front, uncle stupe’, chuck uncle farkin’ free/longy/t…’
‘Aye… wait a minute, no Henry… mmmmaaauyyttee… no need fur that… coz corse I can, coz cum ta think of it, I do remember that big horsey ride, I thought you wuz talking about… And yeh, sure, we’ll get the royal… the royal… the royal… ‘artist’ speshally on board to paint a piccy too, n fur sure, make sure you get a speshal copy… ta put all ova the shop… n stuff… king ‘enry… ya royal majesty, mmmmaaayyyteee…’
It was inevitable wasn’t it. And yeh sure, I mean, at peak, advanced stage, they wouldn’t have dun stuff, n shite like that… would have they… the Euros…
Looks like alien about to burst from throat.
Oh no, not again!
Is that Jetta diesel??
It’s Howdy Doody time.
did we come to any reasonable hypothesis as to why euros are such cunts to surf with?
They take public transportation thus needing someone else to take them places. Like a child in a car, they’re not getting there themselves. This subconscious condition manifests itself via multiple external behavioral forms such as over enthusiasm for sports and/or the creation of weird ass music and/or fashion.
Excessive false machismo caused by proximity to bullfighting nations.
100% proven…
They don’t get slaps by da heavies
after a minor encounter today I thought- now I know why you cunts were at war with each other for centuries.
Do elaborate.
I’d think that surfers can generally be pretty selfish cunts, so combine that with some weird, soccer-style approach to sport, and you get the blokes that young Lennix ran into the other day.
Wow that was some work to log back in, at least I got my old name back.
Anyway longboarding is great, epsecially when it’s crowded.
i want to see some BALLET on that thing man
JEN YOU’VE BEEN MISSED
This is like the unattractive dude that marries the first woman that’ll fuck him. Devon is one of the last pro-surfers that doesn’t hate Chas, and this is how he returns the favour.
a little rough, but a 9.6 comment
Used to take out an old Chuck Dent at the “Wall” in Surfside and mow through the line up of interlopers, then walk back to the house and grab my shortboard and enjoy a session with my neighbors. Made a few enemies, but the tactic was handed down by my elders.
This is tradition that has much to recommend it.
My shins still have scars from getting in the way as a teen.
Cheers to Derek Pellin, I deserved it.
Did you ever wall ride a skateboard to mimic surfing?
Longboarding is state of mind man.
Also, the Cloud 9 forecast looks intriguing.
I don’t give a rat’s arse what he’s riding, I’m just grateful for a surf story.
Go hard, Chaz!
Though most longboarders typically need a blue pill for that.
Phillos should be pumping from jump street.
Fuck….what’s our in-group slang name for Cloud 9?
“Cloudy” is already taken.
Ive got zero street cred in the Philippines. I’m just not rock-spidery enough to find a reason to skulk in a third world Asian country that regularly goes flat for months at a time.
Shard 9
SheWos 9
Crowd = 9
Krakau nien
For what ever reason I somehow blocked you deeks. Weird .
See above
Whatever you do, never, ever, ever shuffle step on a longboard. Cross stepping ONLY, whether going to the nose or back to the tail.
thats the core skill
Sounds…..exciting!!!!
Not.
shitloads of fun in small peelers.
beats the fuck out of monkey humping a shortboard.
Don’t they have pubs up your way?
who the hell can afford to drink in a pub these days?
It’s 8 or 9 bucks, sometimes more for a tin of O% beer these days too. 4 or 5 for a softy of postmix. Can’t even be sober at the pub without breaking the bank. Was talking to a bloke from Seattle when I was out watching bands on Monday night. He was horrified at the booze and cigs prices, and rightly so.
Sometimes crossstep. Sometimes shuffle. Sometimes regular. Sometimes mongo.
Never shuffle, never mongo. It’s just wrong.
Free your mind man.
That’s me and Redfoo fucked. Everyday we’re shuffling.
Shuffleboard man.
A friend in high school used to leave a longboard on my side porch so he didn’t have to carry it back and forth to his house. He eventually moved inland and the board stayed on the porch (without a fin) for some years until I pulled it out after many beers on the beach one day. Was fun enough that I eventually bought a fin for it. Twenty plus years later still fun to get out there on small days. Probably triples your days in the water on the East Coast. Just don’t wear a leash.
Think the chlorine has fried the eyes shut on most the best surfers in my age group these day. Surfed a glider for at least two hours today with one other soul whom happens to be back in town visiting his mother. Got text last night “Packed my 3/2 lets surf the wooden pier tomorrow need to borrow a board!?”
Is that a foam SUP?
Mike Doyle soft surfboard, built for performance!
I tried a Doyle back in the 80’s for a day at Carlsbad. It was unbelievably easy to catch a chubby two foot wave, but the fun ended about there. I’ll probably get myself one soon enough, my paddle strength has gone to shit.
“Mike Doyle soft surfboard, built for performance!”
”Obese midget, built for high jumping.”
Exactly
so distracted by the lede almost missed that Jetta wagon reference – diesel ??
Ah you beat me to it. I posted before scrolling. A “no no” on the Grit.
Ha , those old diesel vw’s are the best
I lost all my hair two weeks after getting my first longboard. Be careful Chas.
You think it will help the severe bedhead he has on the right side of his mop?
Being bald will suit Chas. He has such a handsome, symmetrical head.
Almost time for him to embrace the razor.
Do you know what the hardest thing is about longboarding ?
Xox
Short boarding again.
This is so true, especially if trying to shortboard the same day.
After my year of almost full time longboarding my short-boards gained 5 litres. So thankful to snap that thing.
You’re in a safe space here, mate. Let it all out. Unburden yourself.
Why a year of full time longboarding? Injury?
Nah far from it, I’d done a renovation for our local shaper and didn’t really need any boards so I got Longboard. It was really pinny in the tail and went amazing the better and bigger the surf got. At that time I was a bit stale so it was really interesting and refreshing to learn to commit 9 foot of rail to different sections.
Never been faster or taken off as deep on waves. Magic board.
“Never been faster or taken off as deep on waves”
sorry Negs, but that was in your mind mate.
hydrodynamically impossible- all that wetted surface area = drag.
You were objectively going slower.
You don’t know the wave I’m talking about. But could sit deeper and was forgoing the getting to my feet part. Was already hitting the drop section high and in 2nd gear where I’d normally be paddling and getting up, from there it was straight into the drop with speed. Can only go faster from there.
It was a HP longboard and I treated it like a coked up 80’s pro. Zero toes were hung, had dry hair surfs, paddled laps and annoyed the rest of the locals with my new found “enthusiasm”
HP longboards are the slowest and draggiest of the lot mate.
it’s just physics.
He sounds like a science denier.
Not like us, mate. Not like us.
This is like working for retired engineers… all the theories but they’ve absolutely cooked the install of a simple kitchen tap. I’ll gladly retract if someone like Brutus chimes in. Til then stick to cross stepping on your beater on knee high waves.
Sounds like you and Longtom are actually simpatico over the whole longboarding thing.
Think we need another colour on the Pride flag for you both.
there’s logs and there’s long Hybrids…….my 9 0 is so fucken fast……..I have had to wax the bottom to slow it down,LOL……any surfboard that gets you into a wave and keeps you paddling/exercising so the rust doesn’t set in is a bonus when ya get older…….ya need verything to just stay a float,LOL?
I ride a 9’0 with an 8” orange Greenough fin and love the looseness.
done heaps of time in OH-DOH surf on modern longboards Negs for shits and giggles.
actually haven’t done much logging or longboarding at all last 5 years- too much pumping surf here and got the best shortboards I’ve ever had.
Me too, since I snapped the magic one 15 years ago I’ve had probably 4-5 and a glider. All just boring really, a couple horribly slow and dead. Rather just wait till the waves are half decent and do the garden instead. Likewise on the short boards too, just done a month of couple a surfs a day on one Timmy Patterson. Feeling like I’m surfing better than when I was 25. That also might be a “faster than I’ve ever been” comment too. Lol.
if it feels good it is good
mine aren’t…..I ride 9 0 x 22 1/2 x 3 1/4……but not a log
they look tits
oh no don’t say piggy tits…Negs will have PTSD again………..LOL!
I am trail blazing for all of you …keep turning and riding what ever ya can catch…but no more 15-20ters
Sometimes length and weight are your friend in creating momentum for overcoming the resistance of flatter waves and wind, and if you get in early on the flatter end of a jacking wave you can set an edge early and go.
That’s why guys are riding 9 foot guns in 10 foot Puerto.
fully agree.
One of my fav boards is a very heavily glassed Parmenter Aleutian Juice – basically a Hawaiian gun/hybrid 7’3″.
heavy and thick, paddles like a barracuda and laughs at howling offshore wind or chop.
this thing would stomp all over Negs rockered out modern mal.
I’ll one up you with my 11’6 Kidman, Parmenter inspired paddle/surfer, with edge thrown in for good measure. Certified weapon of mass destruction
is it functional?
Can you turn it>?
Yeah functional enough for the waves I surf it in, and it hooooks. It’s wild with the edge too, if you want to accelerate instead of walking forward like you usually would you just sit back on the tail and it takes off.
A good board for getting away from people, tho I’ve been a bit naughty surfing it on the point of late as a busted my smaller point board
Parmenters understanding of board dynamics next level. The stuff he wrote on board design was and still is must read material.
getting a custom board off him was an absolute pleasure.
I made you a meme
I like how your mind works. Witty.
Never seen the Beckham doco template used in real life.
lol. Brutal, but true.
10/10
Worse after learning to foil
Fun… but fuck not worth it.
telling your friends you’re gay?
Did you know that almost the entire “Strapped” crew were longboarders (also windsurfers, kiteboarders, etc)? They used to tear Hookipa apart on mal shape boards over 9’6″ when it was pumping.
What!?!?!?
Are you telling me the guys that popularised taking off outside other surfers by using a jet ski started off riding oversized tub boards that allowed them to take off outside other surfers?
Mind blown.
Nah, I’m telling you they charge WAY fucking harder than anyone on here could ever imagine charging. They also expand their horizons by riding every type of watercraft known to man. Outriggers takeoff much further outside than anyone else sits. You classifying all those guys in your “all non-shortboatders are gay” trope?
why are they so obnoxious ?
They aren’t all obnoxious, just Laird. The rest of them (Kalama, Lickle, Cabrinha, etc) are pretty chill people.
“foam is your friend”
Before that they were blowing in on windsurfers, that’s where the concept of flying in early came from, along with the straps. The old Robbie Nash shit was insane. I used to be in awe of those guys when they would show up at Backyards.
no surprise there at all… I’m all in on the diverse quivers theory but would usually resort to an 8′ ft foamer instead of an actual longboard. Wayyy more fun kine.
That crew in my mind have done more to push the limits of ocean sports than any crew ever. A full crossbreed of all craft and a willingness to experiment, and they rip it all.
not a patch on the OG Californian/Hawaiian crew.
Buzzy Trent, Downing, Pat Curren etc etc
Those guys legends for being the don’t make them anymore type real men who were as tough and brave as they come and pioneered a sport, but they had shit equipment and did little to improve on it. Bog wave surfing as we know it really wasn’t possible until about the 90’s, even what’s possible paddling now wasn’t possible until then.
Every new age advancement and invention in watersports pretty much comes from the Maui crew.
Should add that crew didn’t all come from Maui, but that’s where they all congregated and pushed research and development.
hard disagree
Watching the random shit they would get into was pretty crazy. Windfishing being one of the more unique ones.
At one point in life I went on a windsurfing binge, so much space and freedom in the ocean, and riding waves was unreal. I watched Nash and Rush and that crew just going next level at giant yards, just flying in on triple overhead bombs and blasting out 30 feet off the lip making sections no board could make.
It was something to see.
Nothing wrong with longboarding. May not be the ideal everyday craft but it certainly can broaden ones perspective on surfing. As Troll eluded to a while back, riding as many different types of surf craft in as many different types of waves possible can certainly expand one’s horizons and approaches relative to riding waves.
or just give you a reason to paddle out on a beautiful little morning
Definitely not afraid to admit having 3 of them in the garage, all virtually irreplaceable.
Should add the ability to see the downvotes as well as upvotes Dez.
mine are all beaters but fun to ride
Same, the one that ain’t airbrushed is a lovely brown, sunburnt color on bottom. Still irreplaceable.
if I told you who shaped the one in that pic it would strike a chord , but probably reveal a little too much , so will have to go strayan on you ha ha
Speaking of groveling did you happen to see an olive skinned Australian man of bogan descent wearing boardies and a bintang tank top on his knees pleading with Maurice to forgive him?
Victim impact statement incoming. It’s been 24hrs of no commenting from him.
He’s watching though, weighing in via upvotes.
Yep last man drafted in June of ’73…man that was a close one Chassy now that you’re 70.
He and Kelly both ! Phewww!
Xox
I remember our family watching the draft lottery on tv. My dad was fresh from completing his PhD (so no longer exempt). I was old enough to pick up on the anxiety, but too young to really get it.
Then there are the ones that volunteered in the first place at 17 yrs old, ending up with 4 Purple Hearts, Silver Stars, etc. after re-enlisting after each casualty event. Those are some “dudes”.