Is Ari Zeen the new Rory Parker? Hoist your opinion up the ol mast!
It’s a hobby.
A hobby of degenerates and losers. Drug addicts and con-artist who would rather get lit than get a job. You want to tell me its plausible to have a job, to have a family, to surf?
Cut scene to a family smiling on the beach while dad pushes his kids into waves at the Huntington Beach pier, mom sits happily on the beach and the son thinks he has a shot on the ‘CT when his father’s only making 55k a year. Fade to black with Electric Light Orchestra’s Do Ya plays in the background, roll credits.
Fuck you.
And good luck grinding it out on the ‘QS.
Surfing is dead. The sport of surfing as a commercial enterprise is dead. But this isn’t a polemic on Capitalism. I don’t think about that shit ever since I plagiarized my poly-sci 101 essay in my second year of college. I didn’t vote in the last election because I was too busy surfing, then getting drunk, doing rails of cocaine with a C-list surf star who lives in Southern California (not Wardo. He’s B-list in my book and I would love to do some snortksies with that guy though), then railing a chick in a shed on a dock in Long Beach where I work.
I’m not bragging. Maybe a little.
I didn’t vote in the last election because I was too busy surfing, then getting drunk, doing rails of cocaine with a C-list surf star who lives in Southern California (not Wardo. He’s B-list in my book and I would love to do some snortksies with that guy though), then railing a chick in a shed on a dock in
Surfing died when we started catering to the metrosexuals in Santa Monica and Newport who rent oceanfront duplexes with their contractor father’s money and surf when it’s “two-feet and firing” on their CI quads because “you just can’t beat the speed of a quad” but hide as soon as a head high close-out detonates on the sand-bar.
But, sometimes, when I’m 12 Coors Banquets deep, and I’ve got an essay due at midnight, I’ll let my mind wander. I’ll drink one more beer, watch an old clip of Tommy Curren in 5’5” x 19’ ¼ or Andy Irons on lost.tv, I’ll let myself dream.
I’ll put in my last lip of Skoal Classic Straight, I’ll pump Telephone Line by ELO so loud it hurts my ears, close my eyes and I’ll remember one beautiful eight-foot pumping, sand-bottomed barrel south of the HB pier.
Just me, slack tide, and dead wind, sun-setting, wall lining up before me, lip feathering and
Oh oh telephone line, give me sign, I’m living in twilight.
But I’ll wake up and I remember where I am. That Adriano de Souza won a title with a stink-bug stance.
Surfing is dead. And it’s not coming back.
Save me Dane Reynolds.
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55k a year for a dad isn’t bad. Try being a dad first Ari. I like the negativity, but you need to figure out a way to make it all come first circle. Blaming Dane for something any of us would do is beyond done, and so my take is that so are you at this point. Aleeda was a nice reference, as others have mentioned, and yeah, I got a few free suits back in the day too, but that would be like getting a free X-Terra suit in honor of Sunny G still getting paid to bully teenagers. Actually, now that I said that, let’s talk about Sunny?
This is the best you twits were able to find? You’re doomed. You located some 6th year sr from a state school that should actually be a jr college. His english profs are clearly illegal aliens from El Salvador and he screams, “lame hipster.” Surfing is dead because of kooks like Ari who snort meth while believing it’s coke. Sorry guys, this dolt is trying very hard.
….and the search continues…. someone in Kaua’i is smiling….
12 banquets n some snortksies
Started out ok but fizzled…fuck cocaine. And ELO. A lot less of both and you might have something.
i like your style bo, sound like true pissed off surf junkie. keep writing. fuck these twinks and shitty comments, they all haven’t been laid in years
Where are the exclamation points?! Fuck, bro…
oh ps, don’t read the comments…
I like it, show me more
He was doing ok, but why Call out Adriano, our hard worker, humble, champ? NEXT!!
Is there a market for a more on Adriano? His hopes? His dreams? His plan to be #1 again?
Man, Adriano has a very humble background, and based in his talent, effort and work ethic, got to the top of his sport. Dane? A spoiled, lazy, always bored multi millionaire.
nice start, then veered off into repetition and boredom. he will be funnier in his middle to late 30’s.
Your resume is kinda irrelevant cos no one really cares – or do they?
The peanut gallery wants to be intrigued about the time you got chased out of Montinia by an angry local with a machete, offered a daughter and some land in Mex but opted out (& why) or how you chased your dick somewhere and why it didn’t work.
The beauty of writing about a dead sport is that you only have to do it once (since it’s dead). No more Ari.
Be thankful he’s busy with that catering business of his.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could return all C’list surf stars back SoCal. So they could live out eternity clogging the lineup with their brand managers whom gave them a sticker.
You can see into the future in a sort of that shit is already happening now kind of way.
Next!
please, no. wallowing is not anti-depressive.
We’ve had failed ‘QS remember-whens, Rory re-takes, heavy knots listing lists, JP Currie, and now the ‘QS you ain’t good enough wake up call, but I went back to school to learn the word “polemic” and top that shit off with tossing your C-List surf star buddy under the DeLorean bus. Thank goodness you had a relative who’s a longshoreman to fall back on.
I did appreciate the Aleeda reference. That was the shit in the early 80’s in SoCal.
Nope.
I like this one. I could even like it if he had detailed verbal depictions of straight fucking, but no open marriage weirdness. This one will do.
NEXT.