Confession: I’m a dickhead!

But what radical aggression!

So a few days ago I was out surfing a very good run of swell at my local reef break. I mean beach break. I mean what is Cardiff-by-the-Sea’s Pipes? There are rock things there somewhere but I wouldn’t call it a reef because, I don’t know, it’s not tropical and ummmm but… anyway I was surfing and it was a very good day with pumping rights and throaty lefts and I was killing it on a brand new Matt Biolos Puddle Jumper courtesy of Matt Biolos and Derek Rielly.

Killing it!

Devil-may-care floaters. “Hacks.” Etc.

I was surfing rad but got out of the water because I had to post a story about Dane Reynolds and Craig Anderson’s Former too early but… awesome… a surf photographer babe was standing on the shore and she said, “I got some great shots of you today…” and handed me a card that read on one side and “You were shredding today! I got the proof!” on the other side.

I gave her a cool guy chortle, took the card and hiked up the incline.

Later that night, after lots of boozes, kuriosity killed the kat and I klicked onto and found my shredding picture.

It is the one you see above.

I am a dickhead.

Doing a dickhead turn on a wave? Is that a wave?

In my defense.     Wait. I don’t have a defense. I was doing a dickhead turn on the flat ocean.

So yeah. I am a dickhead. But so are you (I hope. Please be a dickhead too. Can we be friends?).

Chas Smith (pictured) acting like a dickhead.
Chas Smith (pictured) acting like a dickhead.

Self-reflection: Are we dickheads?

Are surfers unable to receive love or is it just me?

I finally got done giggling about Samsung abandoning the World Surf League about four minutes ago. Whew! That was good… but now that I have regained a modicum of restraint I am left to wonder. Are we, surfers, self-destructive dickheads?

Let us rewind to March 2016. The World Surf League was about to embark on an exciting new season with world’s third largest company as title sponsor. Its CEO, Mr. Paul Speaker, had come in the year before after a successful (maybe) run as the director of marketing for the multi-billion dollar NFL.

Them skies don’t get much sunnier!

But was I content? No! Unless by “content” you mean “rude.”

Speaking for myself, I cajoled Herr CEO as much as I could (see here, here, here, here, etc.) and he ran away crying, taking all of his NFL experience with him.

I also regularly poked Samsung (see here, here, here, etc.) and while I don’t think BeachGrit is widely read in Korea, I’m sure the Samsung VP in charge of Samsung’s surf relationship saw some of the pieces simply because only three people write about professional surfing and two of them are here (I’m including Nick Carroll).

Which has left me to wonder?

Are we unable to accept love?

Is there any company that could come in and headline the Tour that I wouldn’t kick in shins? Any future CEO I wouldn’t fun make?

Are all surfers dickheads or is it just me?

world sleep league
Or maybe best job to get tubed is… pro surfer! | Photo: @worldsleepleague

The Best Job for Traveling Surfers!

Surfers dream of a job that allows for months spent in foreign tubes. We found it!

My arrival in Bocas del Toro, Panama, coincided with the last few days of Carnaval, a tradition of week-long partying that I believe started in Brazil but has since been absorbed by nations across the world. Much to my surprise, Bocas is not only a surfing haven, but also a renowned party destination for South America’s wealthiest and North America’s most “free-spirited” (see: no bras, blonde dreds, septum piercings) twenty-somethings. A Caribbean Ibiza.

I’ve not partaken because the waves here are best in the early early morning, and even slight hangovers have been known to cripple my delicate frame into the late afternoon hours. In short, I’m a pussy.

Every morning around seven I hail a cab out to the surf zone and see what the day has to offer. I surf either the terrifying beach break or the dribbly reef and by the end of my session attempt to cozy up with another group of surfers. Cabs are $15 each way and when you’re on your own that adds up real quick.

Today I surfed the terrifying beach break and my ride-share victims were a three-pack of Aussies, at least one of which was quite the talented surfer. After the session we hopped in their car and I asked what they do back in Australia.

“Well, Matt’s a sparky (electrician), John here’s a chippy (carpenter) and I’m a plumber (plumber),” the talented one tells me.

All of them tradeys (tradesmen). Here for a month.

This reminded me of the time when, in Indo, I met a traveling Aussie duo, one of which was a chippy and the other a miner. They had worked twelve-hour days all summer and repaid themselves with a four month Indonesian sojourn.

All of this anecdotal evidence led me to wonder, is a tradesman the best possible occupation for a traveling surfer?

I asked the car what they thought.

“Well, it’s a trade-off, ya know?” the portly one replied. “We work our fucking cunts off for a few months, but then we make good money and have long holidays. A lotta blokes are fucking around at home with whatever retail job, making shit money and eating pingers to pass the time, and then they end up with no cash and short holidays. Meanwhile, we’re here. So yeah I like it better.”

There you have it! Tradesmen work hard and play hard, and that is probably the ideal situation for an aspiring surf traveler. At least in Australia.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe most American handymen are on contracts that pay menially, dictate a nine-to-five presence and allow two weeks vacation.

So, what’s the best occupation for an American frother? Surely one of our readers is sitting on the secret to wealth and free time…

aloha_akbar_tee_blk copy
Tell the world you believe in the brotherhood of man with an Aloha Akbar tee! Only 35,000 Iraqi dinars! (Or thirty dollars US.)

Let love triumph: Buy “Aloha Akbar” tees!

It’s a Brothers Marshall vs BeachGrit initiative!

Aloha Akbar is an initiative by Brothers Marshall and BeachGrit to solve, with slim-fitting tees and adjustable hats, the greatest geopolitical challenge of our age.

Which is?

Those swingers from what used to be called Al Qaeda in Iraq raising ruckus from Baghdad to Paris, Orlando and so on. Oh, I know. It was the Bush government that unleashed that particular genie from the bottle, Jordan’s Abu Musab al-Zarqawi rushing into the lawless void and redefining the meaning of barbarism. 

But, we’re all brothers right? It don’t matter what team you want to follow. We all want a bright peaceful life, for our kids to be able to stroll down the street without a bullet or bomb tearing ‘em apart.

In an obvious manipulation of words, the jihadist war cry of “Allah Akbar” which is often followed by suicide bomb, machine gun fire or some other munition, has been inverted to mean, Peace is Great!

The Hawaiian word Aloha also means affection and compassion (as well has hello and goodbye).

The Malibu-based clothing company, Brothers Marshall, and the Bondi-LA-based website,, firmly believe in the Martin Luther King Jr posit that  “Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend.”

Show the world you mean love with your own Aloha Akbar tee or hat!

Buy here!

Warhol (pictured here) looking super hyped!
Warhol (pictured here) looking super hyped!

Just in: Billabong signs Andy Warhol!

Billabong inks the talent out of Cocaine, New York to a reported seven figure deal!

Can you believe it? Can you even start to believe it? Andy Warhol, hottest up and coming grom of our generation, just signed with Billabong!


Our sources tell us that Volcom and Quiksilver made heavy plays with Brixton being a dark horse to sign the talented goofy footer out of Cocaine, New York.

And son of a bitch… my head is still spinning with this news. It basically means that John John Florence’s reign is over because have you seen the way Andy Warhol threads a backside tube? Have you seen the tweaked airs he’s been throwing? And by “tweak” I totally mean “speed.” Like, he is ON speed. Like, taking it in both pill and powder form. But also have you seen how inverted he gets?


Rumor has it that Warhol has already snagged wild cards for Teahupo’o and Pipe for this year and will likely have enough points to run the full tour next year.

Which events are you most excited to see him at? I’d have to say Fiji. I can totally see him putting on an absolute clinic in plus sized Cloudbreak. But I also can’t wait to watch his tweak game at Trestles. And his video part that is dropping this year should be all time. Like, everyone else is going to be ashamed.


Are you hyped?

I’m hyped.


Here’s a sneak peak at his video part (dropping this year).