Stab's blood feud against North Shore "hellmen" comes to a sudden end!
This morning I read a story on Stab titled “Has Mainstream Surfing Outgrown the North Shore?” which was a very cruel takedown of everything that happens on Oahu’s upper half. It criticized the waves, accommodations, relevance and that was before lighting in to the North Shore locals and asking where the hell the tough men have all gone. Would you like read again? I do!
And speaking of hellmen, where have they all gone? The characters that once made the North Shore such a rich tapestry of human eccentricity fade into the mists of time. Guys like Alec “Ace” Coole, Marvin Foster, Ronnie Burns, and of course, Todd Chesser, all added their own uniqueness to the local North Shore scene. Those are hard shoes to fill, even for cool cats like Mark Healey or Makua Rothman. The North Shore’s always been at its best when it’s been a crossroads of humanity.
Whoa for the second time!
A shot across the North Shore’s bow if I’ve ever seen one and very bold especially since it was launched from somewhere just outside Venice, California and very near, maybe inside the same office complex as The Inertia. Has Stab never heard of the Rothmans? The Florences? The Aaron Golds? Apparently not and what a blood feud!
Of course I wrote about it and illustrated my bewilderment on Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bbhp2UelknQ/?taken-by=reportsfromhell
Well, some seven hours later Stab posted the same exact clip in apparent complete capitulation. How embarrassing!
It is one thing to take a stand but quite another thing to stay there. Stab apparently loves to drink some of partner The Inertia’s kombucha and then get all bold but when the 1.5% alcohol by volume buzz wears off and reality sinks in telling the North Shore that it has no worthy surfers doesn’t seem like such a good idea. Exactly like The Inertia! Apparently capitulation is du jour in Venice-adjacent (hereto known as Vajacent).
Never has a blood feud come to such a swift ending. And, quickly, what do you think Stab writers will be doing this year when/if they head to the rock?
Maybe… not surfing? Or do you think the instant bended knee will work?
Reminds me of that time that the stabmag writer wrote a book totally buttf@!ked the whole northshore community. Oh, hang on which website am I on again??
Yep. MMA Gloves or Bitch Gloves… Any Given Day…. You Know Now!
Everyone gets theirs eventually. Justice will be served. The piper ALWAYS gets paid. The more you do the worse it will be when your day finally comes even DECADES later.
no no chas you wrong, you don’t go to stab for the articles, you go for the comments comunnity, they’re hifuckinglarious…
Welcome to parody, now go to humorlessness.
Once, long ago, I acted a bit immaturely towards a certain visiting Hawaiian pro surfer. A few months later I showed up on the NS and it took literally 1 day for said Hawaiian to find me. Maybe I’ll share the rest some day.
Hey Jake, ya got nothing to worry about…..
When I was 12 or 13 years old and probably not a single pube sprung yet, I was surfing that huge early 1980’s El Nino swell at Swamis. My first run at legitimately big surf. It was crowded, but after about an hour 8th grade me squared up in front of a set wave on the outside, dug at it just right, and dropped in cleanly. Five seconds down the line some out of town guy I’d never seen before dropped in on me, and then five seconds later Dane Kealoha dropped in on him. We all surfed all the way to the inside, me mostly just fighting to stay ahead of whitewash as these guys ruined my wave.
After the kick out those two guys from somewhere else started jawing with each other about who should have been on that wave. As I paddled by I said in what was really just an informational tone “well you were both in front of me,” which was perfectly true. Dane Kealoha whipped around and paddled up right in my face and started screaming. He was all red and spitting and and totally fucking enraged. 12 or 13 year old me just lay there scared as shit that the brutally beefy full grown man attached to that wide angry contorting face was going to fucking murder me. I apologized a lot until he told me I couldn’t sit outside. At a break where I live and he was visiting. When he had just gratuitously and ruthlessly snaked me.
Nowadays Dane Kealoha is an official Hawaiian “Ambassador of Aloha.” So yeah, Jake Howard should have no issue whatsoever with the less ambassadorial guys on the North Shore …
8th grade you really should not have been on a set and shouldn’t have said shit afterward. That’s one due paid with many more to go.
Nah fuck that, either you have principles, like respect the locals when you visit their home, or you are a bully hypocrite, demanding respect from visitors to your home and then not giving respect when you’re the visitor. Even as a scared kid I knew that Dane wasn’t being a man of principle but a bullying hypocrite because he could, just an out of control narcissistic asshole with with rage and entitlement issues.
Referring to a twenty year old as a man or even a hell man whom spends his day playing in the ocean is a serious stretch.
Yeah, I agree, that’s fucking spineless – Kinda reminds me of a surf journo who alerts us to revealing all about an injured surfers real injuries then being pussy, or a surf journo explaining his injury due to longterm degeneration as distinct to straight out kookism, or a surf journo calling his shaper “my stud”. Cheer for same sex marriage Aussies!!
Zachary? Is that you?
Authored by Jay Coward.
Fucken boom tish, ah thank you.
Those geniuses at Stab just wanted to create a bit of web traffic. And they got it, full retard. Now, they’re thinking bended knee. Dissociation …
I hope the Stab Xmas Party Committee choose the North Shore to relax next month
Reminds me of the time you turned into Weisberg lettuce after Mikey wrote about the proposed new Kelly Slater Pro-Culler game:
http://beachgrit.com/2017/0…
Those were the day…
Half day.
Stab is Rabbit with a tennis racquet in the bushes right about now
And Fast Eddie is putting his dogs in the back of his truck…
Vajacent. Bravo!
If you stand for everything, you stand for nothing. Poor STAB.