Bad omens.
In all the excitement and giddy schadenfreude over the John Florence Hurley walk-out and the Bristol scale we’ve taken our eyes off the countdown to the main prize, which is now looming in the near distance, 180 days hence, to be precise.
I’m talking about surfing’s debut as an Olympic Sport at the Tokyo Olympics of course.
During the course of researching an article for ASL about surfing’s inclusion as an Olympic sport during the closing stages of 2017, when all options were still on the table, including Slater’s wave systems, I came across a Japanese man on the organising committee who bravely stood up against the WSL juggernaut to fight for surfing in the ocean.
Alas, despite many hours of searching he now appears to be lost to history.
I like to imagine him, subjected to the passionate advocacy of our dearly departed Sophie as she hustled for the debut to take place in the basin. A long pause follows Sophie’s spiel before our hero gently raises a hand.
“No”, he says inscrutably, “surfing will take place in the ocean. At Tsurigasaki Beach.”
So, that it is written, so that it will be done.
In the course of the research I discovered something even more shocking and newsworthy.
More on that in a second.
But first, are you a fan of Japan? Me, very much.
Even though I’ve never been it occupies a very large place in my heart. In these culturally relativistic times it’s unacceptable discourse to extol the virtues of one culture over another, but could we sneak in a little list of the things Japan has a clearly superior record in?
Yes?
OK: cuisine*, religion, variety of output from vending machines, high-speed trains, futuristic cities, fishing tackle, bike gears, adult entertainment, animation, automotive engineering (Toyota being the number one car of the people, Lexus being far superior as a luxury vee-hickle to the Stuttgart manufacturers), cults, animation, nature worship, forms of poetry (haiku, koan), kawaii**, work ethic, beer, architecture, snow monkeys, communal bathing, powder snow etc etc.
All undisputable facts.
The one area they are clearly deficient in, unless they meant to disrespect on purpose, is knowledge of Australian surfing. My research uncovered a video and short spiel on surfings inclusion in Tokyo titled One Minute, One Sport: Surfing. I found it right next to One Minute, One Sport: Canoe and One Minute, One Sport: Artistic Swimming.
It’s pretty good.
The written spiel accompanying also pretty good.
Until they get to the section titled “Ruling the waves at Tokyo 2020.”
John John and Kelly get mentioned for USA, as does Kolohe. Respectful.
The Brazilian Storm is referenced, appropriately. Gabriel and Adriano and Italo all make the cut. No Filipe, but no harm: he missed out.
Jordy Smith for South Africa and former World Number One Kanoa Igarashi, surfing for Japan are brought into the fold.
When it comes to the Australian contingent, we get the long sword in the guts. Joel Parkinson and Mick Fanning are touted as our potential representatives. Fanning retired two years before the Olympics!
Parkinson hasn’t been seen in a coloured jersey for almost as long.
I’m right now, writing pre-emptive letters of protest on behalf of Owen Wright and Julian Wilson. This disrespect cannot stand. Is Australian competitive surfing that far down the shitter that even the Olympic committee, with it’s legendary wisdom in facing down the WSL onslaught, doesn’t recognise the existence of our Olympic representatives?
Bad omens for Aus surfing.
Tell me, how pumped are you on surfings Olympic debut, on a scale of one to ten where one is you’d rather shoot heroin in the eyeball than watch and ten is cashing in your kids education fund to be there in person?
I’m hovering between a four and a six. Maybe a high seven if Italo surfs it in cut-offs during a typhoon swell.
*Any cuisine where the belly flap of the toadfish with it’s potentially lethal dose of tetrodotoxin is served up for culinary kicks has to be number one.
** Japanese cute culture.
You forgot to mention sake, geisha, samurai swords (katana), mangas and doujinshis. You’re definitely not a real hotaku.
What about the possibility of catching a glimpse of Stephan Segal? Self-proclaimed samurai sword expert.
Looks like he has a screw loose.
Must be the one in his pelvis
I think when people who have never been to Japan imagine futuristic cities they’re maybe actually imagining Seoul. Japanese cities often feel like you’ve jumped back a couple decades. There can be lots of neon, sure, but also surprisingly old machines doling out train tickets, hotels that write out receipts manually, lots of places that take only cash, etc.
I heard about the penchant for cash……that also fuels my infatuation.
I adore Japan. Easily my favorite foreign country to visit. Go.
and Japan has the best surf in the world , totally uncrowded , invitation only , so I think LT should probably go ski-ing!
I’d love to get it steep and deep.
“I came across a Japanese man on the organising committee who bravely stood up against the WSL juggernaut to fight for surfing in the ocean. Alas, despite many hours of searching he now appears to be lost to history”.
Uhh, I believe the Wsl may of had him terminated– Don’t mess with Dirk and Elo……-
Longtom, you seem to have evoked the ire of the International Olympic Committee because when I click on the YT video I get a warning saying “The IOC has blocked this embedded video because Beach Grit is known to be a subversive bunch of anarchist who destroy power structures by liberally applying grit to the cogs of the machine.”
Well, so far a minus -10 and a .01, its a start.
Bali on ice. It’s a dsmn shame, that’s why I mentioned it. Luckily the Bogans tend to goto Hokkaido so it’s possible to visit some excellent mountains on Honshu and pretend you’re the only white man in japan.
yep I was in Hokkaido in 2000 first time and that year perhaps 50 aussies had gone to Niseko for season – completely nuts when went back 2 years later!!! absolute tools no respect
The Olympics rally national pride in the name of sport. Heaps of national scorn too.
Along with surfing getting provisional approval by the Paris 2024 Olympic Committee, breakdancing also received provisional approval. I wonder if breakdancing will push national pride, or national embarrassment.
I think you sorta covered it, with the cute culture reference but Babymetal!
I’m rounding out 3 weeks here snowboarding and literally on a bus between Narita and Haneda. So WiFi on buses is rad too.
Choz, Drek- your site sucks big time.
I’m fucken sick of dumping all cookies just so your site will remain stable for an hour or two.
You need to sort it out coz the ux is in the fucken dunny.
I know, I’ve moaned and moaned before but really. It’s shit.
Your problem is Diqus
Just read the dopey article on the site once ,fuk it off and read comments on disqus.
Works for me. No ads on disqus
Haha, Diqus!
I second this. Even on a new Macbook Pro with lightning fast internet the site laaaaaaagggggzzzzz
Cue Slater posting maps of radiation levels. Fuck that joint for next 10,000 years or whatever it is.
It might be a good ‘draw’–come, see the surfers glow…..
If its gonna happen, it should be good for a few chuckles……or maybe more than a few—are they gonna have ‘matching’ uniforms—country flags on the boards?…Will we see surfing ‘sold to the world’—or will we see Dirk’s and the WSL’s dream of ‘world domination’ go down the tubes……. time will tell……..
PS. Nothing’s set in stone yet –if it was completely flat–I would not be surprised to see them hold it in the new tub they’re building in Japan. Stranger things have happened…..
Japan has their eyes on the Olympic prize. $$$. Our eyes do not generate that prize. The eyes that will do not know Owen and Julian. They most likely know Mick cause of the shark attack at Jeffrey’s Bay, but couldn’t pick Joel out of a crowd, let alone Owen or Julian.
I didn’t watch the video. Did they mention the guy from Israel?
-10 including the olympics generally
Is that a ‘minus’ 10? I was gonna give it like a .01—If nothing else, if its gonna happen, it should be good for a few chuckles…..
minus. I only watch the polevaulting.
Ok, good, that’s what I thought. I give it .001– didn’t think of going negative.
Barely months ago they were pulling out our dads fingernails, making poison bamboo traps and driving their zeoes into our ships.
If only we could forgive our own colonial ancestors so quickly
Big difference.
That was us v them.
The other was always them using us. For that – fuck them.
That’s not confusing at all.
And, in all fairness, and not without justification let it be said, the US did test atomic weapons out on ’em.
It saved a lot of lives
And inspired very good cinema.
And slippery stairs. Amongst many other classic cruel TV game shows!
Most Extreme Elimination Challenge
https://youtu.be/gry5USP5jVQ
Remember Pearl Harbor. We didn’t start that fight but we sure as hell ended it
Ha ok hero. Put the Stars and Stripes back in your pants.
We tested atomic weapons on Bikini Atoll. The decision to use atomic weapons on mainland Japan was made after careful consideration by Truman. Understanding the gravity of unleashing such weapons upon the world stage, in the context of war, one of such enormity that rightfully earned a world conflict label, Truman did not simply test those weapons on Japan. He considered the weapons’ impact on the civilian population, the impact on Japan’s military industrial facilities in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but most importantly considered the analysis of loss of U.S. military men resulting from an invasion of the Japanese mainland, with due appreciation given to civilian casualties as well.
Today, I believe Japan has made amazing progress, and in fact deserves to rebuild their military.
The testing was in new Mexico. Bikini atoll was in the 50s
I stand corrected. You’re right that it was post-WWII.
But the first nuke test at Bikini Atoll was July 1, 1946.
Japanese gov policies on immigration etc make Trump look like Ilhan Oma.
Whos that,? Some israeli ill bet.
My missus has a bit of jap In her.
The heartless cruel bit.
Kinda sexy!
You have a missus? What’s with your different chick picture profiles? Just curious.
My gender is leaky fluid
Well bex,–glad you have a missus, (really). I’ll be praying for you that you get your gender dysphoria figured out.
Why … he seems pretty comfortable with his fluidity
Very much a monoculture. No whiteys with Japanese. Shame, the women are super hot.
Yep superhot best time of my life in 2000 for 3 weeks spent as plaything of 2 Jap babes whilst snowboarding – Saki, Coke, nude onsen work, and 3-somes. They broke my cock!!! Fucking insane
Sex and drugs
Like salt and pepper.
Uh,if you’re planning a twenty year reunion, count me out in!!
Yes, many cruel things have been done by most every nation under the sun….. ..
Shit here in the States Republicans went from Rocky 4 and Wolverines Cold War Reagan nuclear holocaust with Russia to letting Russia wipe Trump’s ass with the Constitution in just about the same amount of time Slater has been on tour.
MAGA
Wiggs will be furious that bukake didn’t make it in your little list of the things Japan has a clearly superior record in.
adult entertainment surely?
possibly mate, but aren’t you a details man?
separate article if we go into details.
Extolling the virtues of somewhere you haven’t been doesn’t quite work.
I’ve been to 83 countries and Japan is hands down my favorite place in the world. It’s fucking ace. Get there pronto, just don’t go make as ass of yourself at the snow.
Don’t go clubbing in roponggi on your own hoping to score local talent. There is a huge rohypnol doping scene there where naive white guys get drugged, waking up in some seedy hotel with every card maxed out.
No one outside of surfing knows much about surfing, it’s like us thinking oh this gebrisilesse bloke might have a chance at marathon Gold in tokyo.
Did you get violated as well?
You don’t have to answer that
The silence speaks volumes. Hahaha
Hopefully not.
Bit too much Chas in this LT. Only thing missing is a shark reference. Hope you aren’t growing a redneck hipster mustache and hoping Wee Mikey C is going to slap you, too.
I’ve been reading a lot of Chas lately, hard not to soak up the influence.
You get to Amitav Ghosh’s “The Great Derangement” yet? Worth the few hours of effort.
amazon.com/Great-Derangemen… also good:
amazon.com/Learning-Die-Ant…
I’ll pursue.