Shock reveal: backward fins work; Vissla/BeachGrit release movie, clothing range to celebrate!

Beware of untested inter-brand cross-pollination.

My Billabinong x Metallicaka shorts went “Hey Wire!!!” over Xmas while on a short trip to Coles to get cat food, paracetemol and Babybell Cheese Testicles (they come in a little red sack, see?)
The situation was most unfortunate, and I shall attempt to relate it to you here:

I was just standing in line, minding my own bidness. Minding my own bidness, whilst just standing in line, ya know? Just a standing. In the line. My own bidness, I was minding it. Understandeth ye?

When suddenly I heard the crackling opening bars of “Ride de Litening” start to blare-out in all its 8 bit chiptune glory.
…

My jowly visage paled as the immediate future began to unfold, like a crystal tesseract of horror in my inner-vision.

With no further adieu, I dropped my meagre shopping items and hurdled the self-serve checkout labour-robots. My double-plugger flip-flops grazing the ‘Card Only No Cash’ sign midst a frantic parabolic dash for the clearest path to the Gentlemans’ Porcelain Oatbran Reclamation Facility Lounge.

Security obviously assumed I was in the midst of a Netflix giftcard and chewing-gum heist when they bellowed after me. I flew past Bakers Delight, scattering sample crumbs and senior citizens whilst clutching the flaps of my now-opening heavy-metal hi-performance surfy-boarding shorts.

The surly chick at the sushi place looked alternately horrified and elated, hurling sachets of wasabi at my bald head. Not surprising as I, a handsomely pasty 50 YO, waddled along with the air-conditioned breeze of post-20th Century Capitalism giving my tender okole some public airing. Tiny blonde arse-cilia wafting on raised mounds of boose-gumps, pulsating in time to the tinny bass riff.

Luckily, the more charitable girl who runs the flower shop threw me a wilting bouquet, as if in slow motion. Launching into a tremendous horizontal dive, I stuffed it into the portentous recycled P.E.T. musical cloth chasm at my tail-end while slowed-down shouting “Nnnnnnn-ooooooooooooooo- !!!” landing with a cool action-roll, into a painful clattering smash of chairs and tables outside the sandwich joint.

I stood up and walked quietly into toilets, to the relief of all human eyes.

The security creature, wheezing heavily, banged through the door a minute later, and listened patiently as I explained the incredible situation. In response, he gave a ten minute heart-warming speech in which he broke down all his past fears and insecurities, and claimed a new-found inspiration from my harrowing adventure. Giving me a sweaty hug, he then conveyed many thoughts and prayers for my recovery, and shuffled off to lean heavily on the cigarette counter.

Wasting no further time, I stripped-off and examined the errant surf technology garment to find that it was slurring out of tune and flapping listlessly, emitting wisps of smoke and tiny sparks.

Well, needless to say that since there was total fire-ban in place all over the state of NSW, it would have been highly irresponsible of me to continue wearing it. I doused it in the sink and attempted to flush it and the wilted flowers down the toilet. Which is what any responsible person does with anything unwanted, isn’t it?

Using my keenly honed Bear Gryllis-type survival skills, I swiftly crafted a fashionably Makeshift X Upcycled diaper ensemble from toilet roll tubes, paper hand-towels and random pieces of chewing gum I found stuck to the cubicle doors, and continued my shopping in a nonchalant manner as if nothing happened.

The cat appreciated the food, but my daughter said she didn’t like the Babybels and ‘why do I keep buying them?’

I’m not saying Beth is Bescemi, or resembles him, but I could picture Chas Sandler on the phone with Beth.

Re-read Kook of the Day’s hashtags in light of this backwards fin revelation. #commonsense? #shouldoflethergo?

It was there all along.
https://youtu.be/HEzyFy5KVac

These aren’t even motored fins.

…

At the risk of making the story go full circle, didn’t Slater already prove this back in the late 90’s? Distinctly reading something about it in an ASL board/ shaper design issue? Someone, possibly Greg Webber talking the nuances of fin design, then closing by claiming it doesn’t make that much difference as KS had once put his fins in backwards whilst on a boat trip in indo “just to see”, and found little to no difference?