Hawaiian surf legend and noted Kauai enforcer appears to double-down on “ominous” warning to world’s fifth richest man Mark Zuckerberg; clarifies position on visitors, “I don’t blame a motherf*&king soul for moving here. Not one.”

“Those guys are multi-multi-millionaires, billionaires, so this has nothing to do with not coming to Kauai."

Yesterday, it was reported the Hawaiian surf legend and noted enforcer Kamalei Alexander’s had issued an ominous warning to foilboarders using the Nā Pali coast as the backdrop to photos, their narcissism pushing house prices into the stratosphere, locals forced out of homes etc. 

The warning was an apparent swipe at the world’s fifth-richest man and founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg who owns 1300 acres on the island, and who, along with guy-pal Kai Lenny, has made the sixteen-mile stretch on Kauai’s north-west coast a regular setting for their foiling adventures.

Read, World’s fifth-richest man Mark Zuckerberg caught enjoying e-foil life with mystery woman off his 1300 acre Kauai plot; accused of ‘colonising’ the island!” and “In extremely controversial move, Facebook founder and billionaire Mark Zuckerberg emerges from quarantine donning ‘white-face’ on an electric foil!” and “Watch: Facebook founder, CEO, fifth-richest person in the world Mark Zuckerberg posts humblebrag video e-foiling in Hawaii, shouts out bestie Kai Lenny!”

Today, Kamalei, younger brother of Kala, and a peer of Andy and Bruce Irons, a shredder from two-to-twenty feet, has appeared to double-down on the threat while clarifying his position on visitors to the island. 

Some commenters, it seems, had taken his initial post as an anti-visitor screed.

Wrote one, “You made your mark exploiting the islands beauty now want to keep others out.. it’s amazing how many people I see in your thread saying assault is justified to protect a surf break for the locals… surf culture becoming toxic because of this exclusive garbage.. I grew up 5 min from silver strand and got in numerous fights because locals jump anyone who they deem unworth of ‘their break’ great culture to spread.. super aloha.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/CTxXgGCDFwK/

 

“Pertaining to my post the other day. If you guys take your ego and your pride or whatever the fuck you’re drinking out of what I said, and listen to what I… said… was that with cases like Nā Pali, guys that are posting the videos of them foiling down there. 

“Do they need to do that? 

“Last time I checked, those guys are multi-multi-millionaires, if not billionaires, so this has nothing to do with not coming to Kauai. My mom is from Detroit, Michigan. I don’t blame a motherfucking soul for moving here. Not one. 

“It’s just, do you need to sell those drugs? If you do, then you fucking sell drugs. But if you don’t, then you don’t.”

He has a point. 

One of the great miracles of America, of the world, is the North Shore of Oahu’s ability to retain its vestige of country, fending off unbelievable developer pressure, with all its money and political muscle, thanks to what y’might call a sharp localism. 

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to loose the hounds on Kauai.

Blessed are not the meek, despite what Matt might’ve said in the Gospels, for they won’t inherit a damn thing.

The great landowners are always going to be the Zucks, the Ziffs and so on.

Or am I wrong?


Breaking: Surf brand Roxy infuriates United States Marine Corp by hanging “We (heart) Stephanie” banner over American flags ahead of World Surf League inaugural Finals Day!

Trouble.

And oh no, it appears as if Roxy, part of the Quiksilver empire, has really put its foot in the business ahead of the World Surf League’s inaugural Finals Day set to take place tomorrow morning, fog permitting.

Overnight, staffers or interns decided to show support for the iconic Stephanie Gilmore, set to become the GOAT with a win, by hanging a “We (Roxy heart) Stephanie” on one of the handfuls of overpasses passing over the 5 freeway in San Clemente.

Problem?

It was hung over American flags honoring fallen Marines ahead of 9/11.

An ill-considered move, all things considered while considering that Camp Pendleton (home to over 42,000 Marines) is Lower Trestles adjacent and the banner was violently done away by Marine fans and/or the Corps itself but will the incident mar an otherwise already marred inaugural Finals Day?

Protests on those cobbled stones?

Speaking of, do you think that Tyler Wright is frustrated by a lackluster year that held such promise? The aforementioned WSL seems to have rudely disappeared her.

More as the story develops.


Embattled professional surfer Filipe Toledo to surprise appear on tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Surfer: “Felipe Toledo? He’s a surf god!”

"Huge scuffle" on the way?

2021 World Surf League Champion favorite Filipe Toledo has been missing in action at Lower Trestles, site of the new exciting Finals Day, which will likely run tomorrow. The embattled professional surfer was recently involved in a “huge scuffle” in the lineup with a young, hot sponsored junior that was, first, dismissed by his father Ricardo but then confirmed-adjacent by others.

Well, in a wild swing of fortunes, Toledo is scheduled to surprise appear on tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Surfer.

In the teaser, the remaining contestants including Zeke Lau, who wins, see someone surfing Kelly Slater’s artificial wave much better than them and wonder who it is before seeing that it is Filipe Toledo.

Malia Ward calls him a “surf god” and maybe because Toledo magically does one snap going switch in the middle of his wave (watch carefully).

https://www.instagram.com/p/CTxPhEcLbkF/

Zeke Lau, on the other hand, looks like he wants to snap Toledo’s head from his body once the noted aerialist tells The Ultimate Surfers that he’d “heard” that they’d been “trying” the “biggest tricks of their lives” at Surf Ranch.

If I was Toledo, I would be very much more worried about Lau than about the young, hot sponsored junior.

You?


Santa Barbara surf school owner accused of killing his young children in Mexico indicted on two counts of foreign first-degree murder; eligible for death penalty.

“There are no words to describe the profound grief that envelops an entire community when a child is murdered."

Just over one month ago, we learned the nightmarish story of Matthew Taylor Coleman. The owner of a popular Santa Barbara surf school, it was alleged, loaded his two children in a van, drove to Mexico and killed them with a spear gun. When authorities arrested him, as he returned across the border, the interviewing agent revealed that Coleman had confessed to the killing and said he believed his children were going to grow up to be monsters because they possessed “serpent DNA.”

Late last week, Coleman was officially indicted in San Diego, where he will stand trial, of two counts of foreign first-degree murder of U.S. nationals. The charges carry the death penalty though the Attorney General has yet to decide if he will seek it.

“There are no words to describe the profound grief that envelops an entire community when a child is murdered,” Acting U.S. Attorney Randy Grossman said in court. “The Department of Justice is determined to achieve justice for these victims and their loved ones.”

“The murder of a child is difficult to understand under any circumstances,” Kristi K. Johnson, the Assistant Director in Charge of the FBI’s Los Angeles Field Office, added, “I’m proud of the quick investigative efforts by FBI Agents, the Santa Barbara Police Department, U.S. Customs and Border Protection and our Mexican counterparts which led to the arrest of Mr. Coleman as he entered the United States, and I look forward to delivering justice for the young victims and their family.”

Coleman has yet to speak publicly and the date for trial is yet to be determined.


Shocking: World Surf League appears to mock Brazilian Gabriel Medina by releasing a limited edition hair-regrowth jersey after mocking him by hosting a one-day surf-off!

Revenge.

But how much mocking can one man take? Brazilian Gabriel Medina has had a season for the ages. Dominating the competition from the beginning of the year and building and impenetrable lead. Crushing. But this is not just any year. This is the year that the World Surf League decided to throw 40 years of precedence out its Santa Monica window and, instead, host a one-day surf-off that will likely commence on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone early tomorrow morning.

Was Medina happy?

No.

At a forced media junket with The New York Times the two-time World Champion took umbrage at the abrupt rule change, declaring, “I don’t like it because I don’t think it’s fair. You spend your life, a year long, and now the last event in September, you’re gonna decide all your year?” He then shrugged and added, “I don’t know about business, I don’t know how it works. They tried to do something different.

The World Surf League rewarded this bit hand by issuing a series of commemorative jerseys.

Medina’s a nod to extreme pubic hair growth.

Neymar’s special friend made his preference for a clean shave public just over a year ago.

A passive aggressive WSL flex?

Rude?

Ill-considered?

Yes.

More as the story develops.