Swell forecasting titans clash over wave size for El Salvador event, “Magic Seaweed says two-foot, Surfline promises eight-to-ten-foot… who to trust?”

"I’m genuinely excited about a brand new location. Less so the forecast, which is, once again, sub-optimal. Though that depends on who you believe."

How’s your knowledge of mid 00s UK faux-indie music?

I’ve had Athlete’s song “El Salvador” firmly lodged in my head since last week.

Fly to El Salvador

I don’t know why and I don’t know what for

Clearly Kelly couldn’t get past the chorus either.

It’s a mark of how irrelevant Athlete are/were that I couldn’t figure out who the song was by for ages. All I knew was the chorus, over and over, and I didn’t remember El Salvador was actually the song title. I was sure it was part of a song by Gomez, from 1998’s “Bring It On”, which would’ve been vastly preferable. But at least it reminded me of that album.

Leaving high school, world at my feet…

I do wonder, sometimes, if it’s just nostalgia, or if things really were good then. They were different, certainly.

But objectively I’m not sure it was any better. And in many ways it was almost certainly worse.

But so it goes with aging. We yearn for a past that may or may not have existed.

There’s probably no point in trying to have a discussion about music with you lot, though, is there?

I never understood why the US and Australia always seemed about ten years behind the scene, but there we are.

Not so in New Zealand, apparently.

(They were 20 years behind).

Except for one man.

Did you know that everyone’s favourite omniscient and benevolent moderator once had dinner with the greatest drummer of several generations? Owing to an ex girlfriend who worked in the music industry, as I understand, our own Negatron once shared drinks and football banter with Reni from the Stone Roses.

Well past peak Roses, of course. But nevertheless, for me that shits over most celebrity interactions I can imagine.

Aside from journeyman Moroccan pro, Ramzi Boukhiam, sharing spliffs, a hot tub and potentially bodily fluids with Rihanna. That tops anything – or anyone – Slater ever did.

Anyway, El Salvador.

I’m genuinely excited about a brand new location. Less so the forecast, which is, once again, sub-optimal.

Though that depends on who you believe.

Magicseaweed say 2-3ft, maxing out at 4-6ft on Wednesday/Thursday.

Swellnet says “a great run of swell is due through the first week of the waiting period.” (But they tell lies, as we know.)

Surfline are calling 8-10ft for Wednesday and Thursday.

All agree the wind’s potentially quite shit.

Who to trust?

If the waves do show, this event could be very, very good. As a right point that offers hollow sections, we should be able to see most people surf to their strengths. Theoretically.

You’d be hard-pushed to look past Filipe, but if you did, look to Italo to get some redemption for a lacklustre season so far, especially if the wind offers a little push for airs.

Otherwise I like the chances of Ethan having his first CT win, or Jordy having his first in a long time.

Who lights up the Central American point for you?

Let’s talk…

There’s money on the line.

Just one more beer...
Just one more beer...

World Surf League shocks professional sport pundits, moral majority by renewing longterm deal with Corona even after cheating rampantly with multiple other beer brands!

Dirty business.

The World Surf League is many things including beleaguered, inept, absurd, silly but it is, above all, a serial beer polyamorist. The home of professional surfing since 1976 by way of 2013 has hopped into bed with Michelob Ultra, Coopers, 805 and Corona but to name a few trysts leaving sport pundits open-jawed.

How do they do it?

What is the draw?

Well, those selfsame watchdogs became even more confused and/or concerned when, days ago, it was announced that the aforementioned Corona has agreed to a multi-year deal with the WSL even knowing all the infidelity.

Per the wedding announcement:

The World Surf League (WSL) today announced the renewed global partnership with Corona, an AB InBev global brand, as the Official Beer Partner (outside Australia and USA) of the WSL Championship Tour (CT) for the next three years.

In addition to being the Official Beer Partner, Corona is the title partner of Stop No. 9 on the 2022 CT, the Corona Open J-Bay, as well as the presenting partner of the upcoming Surf City El Salvador Pro Presented by Corona (Stop No. 7) and the Oi Rio Pro Presented by Corona (Stop No. 8). Corona’s support also extends to the Challenger Series, where they are the title partner of the Corona Saquarema Pro Presented by Banco do Brasil.

“The global Corona brand has been part of the WSL family since 2016 and we continue to strengthen that relationship,” said Cherie Cohen, WSL Chief Revenue Officer. “Corona shares our passion for the beach, and the strength of their presence globally, and particularly in Latin America, makes this such a powerful partnership. We are both deeply vested in protecting our ocean and our work this season reflects that with much more to come.”

Corona and WSL share a long-standing commitment towards protecting the world’s oceans. For the first time, Corona has officially partnered with WSL PURE as part of the We Are One Ocean initiatives across the Championship Tour. Most recently at the Quiksilver and ROXY Pro G-Land, Corona supported the expansion of the NGO Sungai Watch to build an ambitious river interception program that will prevent 100 tons of plastic from ending up in the ocean. Corona also partnered with WSL PURE grantee, Surf Conservation Partnership, to expand the initiative to establishing up-cycling facilities with local communities and surf camps.

“Corona is a brand that was born on the beach, so it’s only natural that we’ve been a favorite brand of surfers and a part of surf lifestyle for decades,” said Felipe Ambra, Global Vice President of Corona. “We are so excited to work with WSL to bring the Championship Tour to El Salvador, and we really believe in the incredible growth opportunities for the sport in Latin America. This is an exciting time for pro surfing and we are thrilled to be part of it.”

Is Corona abused? Does it think the WSL will change?

Any cut-rate therapist would advise that once a cheater always a cheater and it’s sad that Corona has denigrated itself so but let’s be here for it at the inevitable crash and Bud. Let’s love unconditionally.

David Lee Scales and I did not discuss Corona during our weekly chat, in any case, though I am in the spiritual home of beer. Germany, man. What a place. We did discuss Swellnet’s perversion, though.


Listen here. You know you want to.

Latinx Cuckquean Shakira makes online overture to surfing superstar Kelly Slater following public breakdown of marriage to cheating Barcelona soccer star husband Gerard Piqué!

Hip-swinging Colombian seeks vaguely injured surfing superstar for hot times.

Who would dare argue against Kelly Slater’s bona fides as the sport’s most gorgeous practitioner?

Yeah, brave little Kalani Robb came close for a time in the nineties, both men and women swooning over his freaky rectus abdominis and mixed-race handsomeness, sexpot groupies fighting to hump his wet stump.

But its Kelly Slater, even in his fifty-first year, who still puts the world’s most beautiful women into a creaming frenzy.

Enter Shakira Ripoll, the Colombian-born singer famous for dance hit Hips Don’t Lie and the theme song for the 2010 soccer World Cup, Waka Waka (This Time for Africa.)

Shakira, who is forty-five, took up with soccer star Gerard Piqué at the tournament, the couple bred a couple of kids, before Piqué split in recent weeks for a gal half her age.

Anyway, hell hath no fury etc and Shakira has wasted no time in following a bevy of the world’s hottest middle-aged superstars on Instagram, including Henry Cavill, Scott Eastwood, Chris Evans but, for our purposes, and most importantly, Kelly Slater.

It’s a dead end for the cuckquean songstress for Slater is steadfastly devoted to his “Chinese girlfriend” Kalani Miller. 

The pop sensation and 12-time Latin Grammy winner ain’t a stranger to surfing, however.

She is a visitor to Wavegarden’s test pool in the Basque Country, and is fiercely anti-VAL, warning her kids, “Don’t ‘Wait Up’ to surf at 40 when you can start at 6.”

Breaking News: World’s greatest surf draw Kelly Slater drops out of El Salvador Pro hours ahead of contest start citing injury!

Heartbreak hotel.

There is fourteen-some hours, at time of writing, until the kickoff of the Surf City El Salvador Pro brought to you by Dirk Ziff and excitement hangs heavy in the banana-scented air. Many storylines to follow. For example, John John Florence and his tragic knee injury, Gabriel Medina’s return to tour, mid-way, in order to run the table and win at San Clemente, the world’s most decorated surfer, and its greatest draw, withdrawing citing injury.

Slater was last seen, here, celebrating World Ocean Day by spinning gorgeously at Uluwatu there on Bali otherwise known as the Isle of the Gods.


The north-of-fifty year-old professional looked ageless but, apparently, he somehow became hurt and has therefore withdrawn from Central America’s first championship tour event in… years?


North of fifty years?

Difficult to say as it is difficult to pry true information from behind the World Surf League’s patented Wall of Positive Noise™. Did that thing ever get spackled right up in nearby G-Land or what?

The Apple TV smash Make or Break threatened to break the absurd rosy outlook but then 2 foot (3 German male lower leg) Grajagan got sold as “the best contest of the year” and boom.


Slater’s injury has yet to be announced but it may have to do with not wanting to go to El Salvador during rainy season.


Will the 11x champ head to J-Bay, the next tour stop, in order to defend his current number 15 slot?

Currently more questions than answers.

Photo: @cjay.cinema
Photo: @cjay.cinema

In honor of under-advertised World Ocean Day, ageless Kelly Slater throws textbook tail high air reverse at picturesque Uluwatu!

Poetry a half century in the making.

But are you fifty years young, puttering around the mini golf course, maybe, banking shots near the cup and feeling talented? Running three blocks down the street in order to hand the mailman a letter and beaming pride? Mowing the lawn in one go without a water or toilet break and thinking you may, just might, be the one to beat Father Time?

Well, Kelly Slater, the most accomplished professional surfer ever and current world number fifteen was recently on the holy isle of Bali, plying his trade, throwing tail high air reverses that would make John John Florence blush.

He is now well over the half century mark old.

It must be assumed that he is either now, or will soon be, in El Salvador to participate in the hours-away Surf City El Salvador Pro, maybe on a very fancy yacht, but it would behoove us all to celebrate World Ocean Day by simply gazing at his artistry.

Could you do such flair on a wave at even forty?


Here’s to World Ocean Day and also to the fountain of youth (Syrian heritage).

But, quickly, how did you celebrate? It was on June 8th and I think woefully under-advertised.