Order and Progress.

Filipe Toledo is utterly destroying this 2022 edition of the World Surf League championship tour, 10,000 points ahead of second place Jack Robinson heading into J-Bay but it is no surprise. Toledo, as you know, is Brazilian and Brazilians have been our masters since Gabriel Medina’s win nearly one decade ago, now. Brazilians have hoisted the end-of-year cup in 2014, 2015, 2018, 2019, 2021 and will hoist it in 2022 and probably 2023 too ad infinitum.

It is one thing for us surfers to recognize this power, this ultimate subjugation/domination (depending on if you, dear reader, are Brazilian or not), but quite another for the mainstream to cast its busy eyes our direction and take in the changed landscape. Today, the entire globe is aware that Brazil is no. 1 as the Tempestade Brasileira gets lovingly profiled in The New York Times.

The Gray Lady begins its piece at the just-wrapped Oi Rio Pro (won by Toledo é claro) with the lithe 27-year-old being carried through the throng that so thrilled World Surf League CEO Erik Logan before turning back a decade, examining Toledo’s brunette ambition:

Toledo first announced his intention to become a professional surfer when he was 6. He dreamed not only of making the elite tour, but also of being alongside the likes of renowned world champions like the American Kelly Slater, an 11-time world champion, and the Australian Mick Fanning, a three-time champion. That Toledo — who is known for his ability to launch above the lips of waves, rotate and land seemingly with ease — had such outsize ambition was a stretch. The idea that a Brazilian could not only qualify for the tour, but actually win the tour — to beat out Californians, Australians and Hawaiians, who had dominated for decades — seemed far-fetched.

Yes, the young surfer was talented. Like his peers, he began competing in the regional contests that helped the current generation hone their skills and push one another to new heights. He also had the benefit of being coached and counseled by his father, Ricardo, a former national surf champion. And he was winning, a lot. But the distance between winning on home turf against other up-and-comers and consistently winning against the Slaters and Fannings of the world was still untraversed.

Professional Brazilian surfers just “didn’t have that much information or support,” Filipe Toledo said. “They were like, ‘What do I do now? Should I just train or should I get the money that I won in that event and spend it, doing a huge party, or invest it going on trips?’”

Stretching back further, Brazil’s history is discussed, from dictatorship to burgeoning middle class, and its professional surf pioneers like Pepe Lopez, Corlos Burle, Fabio Gouveia, Flavio and Neco Padaratz. The role Oakley played in finding and developing talent, the aforementioned dominance all leading back to Toledo who declares:

“We understand the formula now.”

That formula — the alchemy of economics, opportunity, work ethic and expectations — has been the driving force not only behind Toledo’s professional success so far, but of what he believes is still possible. Considering the rest of his season, there are just two goals he has in mind.

“Enjoy the process,” he said. “And win the world title.”

It is a fine read and good for us so to do and also learn Portuguese.

Dessa forma, podemos fazer parte do futuro brilhante e maravilhoso do surf, em vez de pedaços maçantes jogados ao lado da ordem e do progresso.

Or maybe gimlets.

Ok, ok, ok, I really, really don’t want to worry you, here, but J-Bay is basically 24-hours away, maybe less by the time you read this. It is the first World Surf League Championship Tour event with a promising swell forecast in the last I don’t even know how many, Surfline bullishness notwithstanding.

There is only one problem and I really, really don’t want to cause stress but… World Surf League’s Senior Vice President of Tours, Head of Competition, Jessi Miley-Dyer is still not there.

Breathe.

Delighting surf fans yesterday, Miley-Dyer posted a selfie sitting poolside enjoying much deserved “me time.” Those same fans, though, were slightly troubled by her caption reading, “Still here Rio. I’m never leaving Brazil.”

She, theoretically, still had enough time to hop a flight and arrive in South Africa in time for the opening hooter and, possibly, the “never leaving Brazil” was metaphorical. A reference to emotionally never leaving Brazil, holding the country’s charms in her heart and taking them with her.

Anxiousness has turned into sheer panic today, however, as it appears that Miley-Dyer is still poolside in Rio, via her Instagram Stories (above), this time drinking a lemon drop.

Maybe a gimlet.

Bespoke caipirinha?

If she is not on J-Bay’s sand, holding a finger to the winds, sussing conditions, taking professional surfer temperatures as to its contestability and/or relative scariness then delivering “It’s on” or “It’s off” direct to camera, the contest will not be able to run.

I do not want to rule out the possibility that she has access to a private flight but… am white knuckling here.

Breathing into a paper bag.

More as the story develops.

It's got electrolytes.

Tragedy struck the island of Oahu, in late November, when pipes holding jet fuel at a Naval storage facility burst after a driver inadvertently bumped a PVC valve and spewed tens of thousands of toxic gallons into the environment for thirty-plus hours. Hundreds of families living around Pearl Harbor were later sickened by drinking or showering in contaminated water.

According to Honolulu Civil Beat:

The Navy says most of the fuel was captured in the end. However, up to 5,542 gallons of fuel were never recovered. Some portion of that amount is believed to have contaminated Pearl Harbor’s drinking water through the porous concrete of the tunnel and a drain line located on the floor of the tunnel that connects directly to the drinking water source. The leak was just 380 feet away from the well, according to the Navy’s investigation.

Despite knowledge of the severity of the leak and its proximity to the nearby Red Hill well, military leaders assured residents that their drinking water was safe and there was no cause for alarm. They continued those assurances even after the Hawaii Department of Health issued a Do Not Drink advisory on Nov. 29.

Well, just-released video shows the actual jet fuel geyser and it is amazing that this sort of business can be stored so closely to drinking water wells, even more amazing that officials give a green light to drinking jet fuel.

Does it have electrolytes?

Hmmmm.

Troublingly Gatsby-eque.

Spanish news is reporting that Gerard Pique, defensive back for the Barcelona Football Club, has just broken off his affair with a waitress and is allegedly hoping to reconcile with his estranged wife, the chanteuse, Shakira. Normally this sort of twist would be, should be, embraced by the public. A family being stitched back together again. Love reigning. But surfers around the world are increasingly heartbroken by events as they are unfolding.

You will certainly recall in the very heat of allegations surfacing that all was not well in the Pique-Shakira household, potential infidelities etc. that Shakira absconded to Spain’s north in order to be healed by the therapeutic properties of surfing. There she worked, diligently, smile beginning to present on her face but only after a mysterious sexy surf instructor entered the scene did that smile explode like fireworks.

The unnamed man helped the multi-platinum selling artist smooth her frontside flow and clearly cheered her heart. Surf fans wondered if it was possible that a Jonah Hill-esque fairytale might be playing out before our very eyes. Hill, you celebrate, met and fell in love with his own surf instructor. The two now live together and post adorable selfies on important days.

A dream that we all have for Shakira but now in light of reconciliation maybe dashed upon the rock. Life imitating art. Oh not Jonah Hill beautiful craftsmanship but rather F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Great Gatsby where, at the end, the philandering husband wins and the bold lover is shot dead.

Light a candle, tonight, for the sexy surf instructor.