Uh oh.
The power of surf fans, and their mass candle lightings, has suddenly taken on new intrigue. Rumors are currently breaking across TikTok that Tom Brady’s uncharacteristic performance struggles are directly related to his estranged wife, Gisele Bündchen and her various sagings plus visits to spiritual healers.
A hexing?
Brady, the greatest football player of all-time, has fallen hard of late, an embarrassing 21 – 3 loss to the lowly Carolina Panthers the most recent in a season-long string of bummer.
No touchdowns.
Much sad.
One-time coach and respected analyst Rex Ryan declared afterward, “This team is searching like crazy. At least they’re trying, they’re searching, but Tom Brady looks like a shell of himself. You look at him even physically. His personal life, obviously, is having an effect too. I get it. I don’t want to minimize this. It’s a factor. Obviously it’s something. This looks like there’s no answer because there’s no speed on the field.”
While Bündchen is taking most of the heat, surf fans are turning inward, wondering if the mass candle lightings undergone in a hoped-for reunion between the Brazilian supermodel and her beau from 2005 through 2006, Kelly Slater, are, in fact, to blame.
As you know, the two formed up the most powerful surf couple during those years, Bündchen at the height of her model powers, powers that have made her vastly richer than her current husband. Slater bagging two of eleven world titles.
As you may not know, candle lighting is essential to occultic practices.
Oh, I’ve never wanted you, us, to travel that dangerous path. I have encouraged purchasing various pumpkin spice offerings from Yankee Candle, but maybe you got lazy?
Maybe you accidentally bought candles from the witch down the street?
It’s one thing for us to hope for a grand romantic reunion. Quite another for us to curse a generational talent.
Driftwood, jasmine, raw coconut.
Yikes.
Maybe check your stock?
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Kelly kelly kelly give it a rest.
Tired of it. This Surfer worship stuff lame. Is that what surfing is all about now. Tom brady wtf who cares about tom brady. Surf surfing night rides waves ocean waves Surfside inlet outside river mouth. No kelly slater tom brady FT
Yankee Candle? For real? Bruh, your cheap ass candles are to blame. Might as well go to Dollar Tree. Real wave wytches know where to go for hand-dipped beeswax. 🥱🙄🥱 Call us when Slater makes the Masters or something. Otherwise we are calling this one stress-induced performance suckage (SIPS).
this was before kelly got on quads, so maybe he doesn’t have the right mindset for gisele anymore
I feel bad for…nobody!
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the cutback to an OK candle is a real slash & burn move…greatest short story ever…except for:
baby shoes for sale; never used.
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OK , I’ll say it….Giselle is Brazilian, so when was the last time Kelly went to Brazil and we all know the hatred Kelly has for ADS?
So part of the original plan with the WSL/K-Tub was to sell to….China/S Korea with hotels etc like the Palm Springs adventure into Boomerville?
so in between a Brazilian and an Asian there lies an emotional/financial story of money/ power/love /rejection …???
Brutus, I thought you would be ‘above’ all of this.
Please don’t encourage more tabloid gossip journalism.
is there any other kind?
I mean if you come here to BG looking for enlightment ….are we in the wrong place……???
I mean BG needs drama , even if they make it up…it’s not journalism , it’s live unscripted human bullshit….plus I got kicked off SN …so where do we vent?
we’re here to party…24/7
https://live.staticflickr.c…
Really?
For what?
I’ve been kicked off of BG a couple of times, (by Negs), mostly for my anti contest anti pro surfing views, but they eventually let me back..
for my Christian/Indigenous opinions/beliefs!
Kicked off swellnet, that deserves a badge of its own!
haha, yeah it’s a pretty weird site , with a lot of reddy neckies who pay……so where ever there’s a $ , ……..???
to know her is to love her brazillian wax job…and her warm-up routine?
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I think this is where BG is headed—and it’s sad..
PS
and Chas, I hate to break the news to you, but nobody’s lighting candles….it seems like you’ve drifted off into some type of other dimension or something….
You know that thing some people do when they make a shitty joke and no one laughs so they just keep repeating the same joke and looking around, waiting for someone to finally laugh?
Thats clearly what Chas is doing with these cringe shitposts. So will someone finally step up to the plate and give Chas the dopamine hit he’s begging for?
Not sure which is worse, this stupid giselle thing or the incessant attmpt to get that fat cunt to do a podcast with them.
No, see above post.
Kinda hard to believe that Gisele is worth more than Tom. No way she’s going to fuck some broke-ass like Kelly.
He’s got a chinese girlfiend chas.
we’re not even at the half-way mark of these stories
Missed opportunity to make the scent “Smells Like My Bald Head”
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i throw stale & mildewing crusts of bread in the freezer for safe keeping…and to keep the flies from swarming…see stale fish.
“Hand poured”
Roflmybigfatkiwiarseoff …..
Edit: NZ$151.00
hahahahahahahahahahar