Grouchy local sea otter terrorizes Santa Cruz vulnerable adult learner surfing community!

"How would you like it if a stranger went in your backyard and started playing there?"

For all intents and purposes, surf localism is a dying institution. Litigation-happy adult learners, cameras everywhere, sensitivity through the roof has rendered a stern lineup talking to mostly obsolete, to say nothing about waxed windshields or ear cuffs. And while Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady is attempting to martial locals worldwide in order to keep the beloved actor off waves, there are fewer and fewer instances of territorial water behavior.

Fewer and fewer instances outside of Santa Cruz, that is.

For grouchy localism is surging in California’s other Surf City and not due methamphetamine or the famous east side vs. west side rivalry. No, a furious sea otter has been menacing those who dare paddle the iconic shoal.

Per National Public Radio:

Steamer Lane is a legendary point break in Santa Cruz, home to swaths of experienced surfers, as well as a 5-year-old female sea otter with a growing reputation for repeatedly confronting surfers and kayakers.⁠ Video and photographs show the otter chasing off surfers before commandeering their surfboards — on at least one occasion biting and tearing chunks off a board — and aggressively approaching kayakers.⁠

Federal wildlife officials said the otter’s behavior is highly unusual and the exact cause for such behavior is unknown. (Perhaps showing class solidarity with the killer whales attacking yachts?)

What NPR fails to mention, though, is that the otter is solely targeting adult learners. Every clip has her grabbing and smashing Wavestorms in the “Klassik Kook” 8ft range.

Misanthropes, everywhere, are applauding.

“So uh… We have been destroying the planet for a couple hundred years and we act surprised when the wildlife starts to rebel? We are severely lacking in self awareness as a species,” Sawatsky declared.

“I love to see aquatic mammals rising up against elites!” the sazziestofazzies added.

“We can’t applaud Gladys and then hate surf otter. I welcome all direct action from our animal comrades,” franceswygat chipped in.

“Stop playing in their backyard! How would you like it if a stranger went in your backyard and started playing there?” erikasadventures

Die, human, die.