Surfer (pictured) explaining nuances of this surfing life.
Surfer (pictured) explaining nuances of this surfing life.

Once-proud Surfer Magazine stumbles over significance of beloved actor Jonah Hill “surfing alone” amidst never-ending onslaught from spurned ex Sarah Brady!

Gosh guys he's just "washing away the drama from his daily life."

One of the more comedic corners of 2023, other than surfing’s greatest ever jester, former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan, is the transformation of once-proud Surfer Magazine into a Frankenstein AI cross between The Inertia and your dear BeachGrit. Beginning with purchase by a group fronted by Ross Levinsohn, a man famous for his “trail of frat house behavior,” Surfer’s first hire, Emily Morgan who covered the Sport of Kings from her nice perch in East Tennessee, was laugh-out-loud funny.

But it has all gotten even better. Surfer unfortunately canned Morgan, hopefully giving the avid hiker more time to enjoy “strong coffee, spicy food and live music,” replacing her with one Dashel Pierson who clearly does not surf yet attempts to “speak the language,” as it were.

In the latest bit of hilarity, Pierson has jumped with both Teva-tanned feet into former surf instructor Sarah Brady’s one-sided war against Jonah Hill. You certainly recall, one week ago, when the beloved actor’s ex-girlfriend released a tranche of private text message between the two, accusing Hill of misogyny while calling him a narcissist. Not satisfied, the current law student released a second tranche on day two. Derek Rielly remarked how the continued assault was maybe unsurprising, on day five, and here, on day seven, Brady has kept the offensive going, double-barreled social media shotgun about Hill’s controlling ways, what a rotten human being he is etc.

Hill, for his part, has maintained a dignified silence and was, Thursday, spotted surfing in Malibu.

Pierson, filling the shoes of John Severson, attempted to provide context.

Paparazzi caught the Superbad star during a surf session on Thursday in Malibu, and all the major tabloids picked up on it. Cue the prophecies: Was he surfing, like a lot of us do, to wash away the drama from daily life? Or was he surfing because he is so unfazed by the drama, and thus continues living his life as he normally would? Or was he…just…surfing.

Surfing “like a lot of us do” to “wash the drama from daily life,” is my guess.

Pure gold.

Surfing heavyweights line up to praise son of Hollywood star Mathew McConaughey after debut on Instagram reveals kid’s wild surf skills!

"You’re getting a cool and respectful young man, Levi McConaughey, coming at you. I hope you can do your best to treat him the same way."

The son of Hollywood superstar Mathew McConaughey has made a stunning debut on Instagram, revealing polished skills in the surf and on the snow.

Levi McConaughey got the gift of social media, as well as supersonic genetics, from his parents, Daddy Mathew and Brazilian model mama Camila Alves, for his fifteenth birthday.

“Hey, buddy, your mama’s a little nervous today about one of the gifts we are giving you,” Daddy told the couple’s nine-mill followers. “Yes, we are allowing you, Levi, today on your 15th birthday, to join the social media universe… ”

Daddy then explained the deal,

“He knows who he is and he knows where he’s going at. I think he can handle it. He has a great story to tell, to share. I want to let all of you all know you’re getting a very cool and respectful young man, Levi McConaughey, coming at you, and I hope you can all do your best to treat him the same way. Levi, enjoy the adventure, sharing your story and expressing yourself and exchanging with the people out there.”

Over the course of two posts, Levi, who has the same rich, ripe, radiant apricot skin, eyes and hair as Kai Lenny, demonstrates his comfort towing into size, pulling into dredging runners and giving hell to the snow.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Levi McConaughey (@levimcconaughey)

The WSL personality famous for his steroidal tits, Strider Wasilewski, wrote, “Sick one grom” while former pro surfer Yadin Nicol simply melted,

“So sick, Levi!”




Bob Hurley, right, and mysterious deleted post.

Mystery surrounds “razor-sharp surf magnate” Bob Hurley post slamming direction of his eponymous brand as it’s quickly disappeared from internet!


It’s hard to imagine, now, the ruckus, disbelief, horror even, when Billabong’s US licensee, surfboard shaper Bob Hurley, handed back what had become a license to print money in 1998 and to strike out on his own. 

You gonna hand back the keys to Billabong? You gonna call it, what? Hurley? 

Under Bob’s expert hand, and helped by taking the designers, surfers and marketeers, and product patents he’d developed for Billabong, Hurley quickly grew into one of the biggest, and most respected surf brands in the world.

Three years later, “razor-sharp surf magnate” Bob sold to Nike for a hundred and twenty mill.

Bob was always around, howevs, the company had his name on it after all, and he took over as CEO for three years, 2012 to 2015, the glory years of the Nike-ownership era some might say. 

Four years later, Nike sold Hurley to Bluestar Alliance, a “brand management company”. The way Bluestar works is it identifies brands it wants to buy and once they get the keys, “our team of experts embark on a complete and thorough understanding of the brand’s potential channels of distribution and price point strategies. We create tools such as brand development profiles, trend guides, style guides and marketing strategies. These marketing materials portray graphic illustrations and a strategic marketing road map to enhance consumer brand recognition.”

The focus at Hurley shifted from R and D, maintaining a dazzling surf team, high-end accounts and so on to a model focussed on the bottom line, with multiple teamrider contracts quickly terminated. 

Soon, there were inflatable toy toys, beard oil, hair product, performance bodyboards, beach chairs. 

And, today, before it was quickly deleted from view, sixty-eight-year-old, Newfoundland-born Hurley, who now heads Florence Marine X, ran a couple of shots of Hurley’s “performance” bodyboards and a rack of beach chairs with the withering comment, 


Many comments ensued before the provocative post was disappeared. 

Obviously, comment has been sought, crickets thus far although it’s only been eleven minutes, but what’s your immediate reaction? Do you think Bob thought it was a little rough on Bluestar? A little weird to dunk on his own brand? 

Zuckerberg (left) going full retard. Ziff (right) with his best friend. Photo: Hell
Zuckerberg (left) going full retard. Ziff (right) with his best friend. Photo: Hell

“Super cool, super fit” Mark Zuckerberg and World Surf League owner Digglin’ Dirk Ziff locked in death battle for title of “worst billionaire in surfing!”

Cage match without the cage.

I think it can be firmly and unequivocally stated that 2023’s billionaires are the worst the world has ever seen. Tacky, unrepentant, malicious, nerdy all topped off with an utter disregard for style and class. It wasn’t always so. Billionaires like Gianni Agnelli and Joseph Stalin once roamed the earth cruising glassy waters on Rivas, dispatching enemies to freezing cold gulags instead of firing them without reason while they are doing the very best they can to make professional surfers feel wanted in Brazil.

Today’s batch is very yuck but two have emerged as peak yuck and both just so happen to be involved in our surfing.

Mark Zuckerberg became infatuated with the Sport of Kings via his onetime BFF Kai Lenny, who described the Facebook founder as “super cool, super fit.” Zuckerberg e-foiled lakes, talked about “doing a fair amount of extreme sport type stuff” including conquering 15-foot surf and generally made an ass out of himself. Thankfully, the world’s 7th richest man discovered Brazilian jiu-jitsu and seemed to be pivoting away from the water… but these warm summer months brought him back.


Dirk Ziff did one better than Zuckerberg, purchasing not only Kai Lenny but all of professional surfing for free in 2015 and doing the absolute best job he can to drive it straight into the ground. Bad hire after bad hire, after Erik “Buffa”Logan. His abject and complete hatred for his audience not seen since Augusto Pinochet.

But who is worse, Zuckerberg or Ziff?

David Lee Scales and I did not, exactly, discuss during our weekly chat but did touch upon bad billionaires, Ziff being an ass plus Jonah Hill’s warpath marching ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady. And then there is our new segment Pros in the Wild wherein good folk share real life encounters with professional surfers in the aforementioned wild.

I think you’ll enjoy.

Grouchy local sea otter terrorizes Santa Cruz vulnerable adult learner surfing community!

"How would you like it if a stranger went in your backyard and started playing there?"

For all intents and purposes, surf localism is a dying institution. Litigation-happy adult learners, cameras everywhere, sensitivity through the roof has rendered a stern lineup talking to mostly obsolete, to say nothing about waxed windshields or ear cuffs. And while Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady is attempting to martial locals worldwide in order to keep the beloved actor off waves, there are fewer and fewer instances of territorial water behavior.

Fewer and fewer instances outside of Santa Cruz, that is.

For grouchy localism is surging in California’s other Surf City and not due methamphetamine or the famous east side vs. west side rivalry. No, a furious sea otter has been menacing those who dare paddle the iconic shoal.

Per National Public Radio:

Steamer Lane is a legendary point break in Santa Cruz, home to swaths of experienced surfers, as well as a 5-year-old female sea otter with a growing reputation for repeatedly confronting surfers and kayakers.⁠ Video and photographs show the otter chasing off surfers before commandeering their surfboards — on at least one occasion biting and tearing chunks off a board — and aggressively approaching kayakers.⁠

Federal wildlife officials said the otter’s behavior is highly unusual and the exact cause for such behavior is unknown. (Perhaps showing class solidarity with the killer whales attacking yachts?)

What NPR fails to mention, though, is that the otter is solely targeting adult learners. Every clip has her grabbing and smashing Wavestorms in the “Klassik Kook” 8ft range.

Misanthropes, everywhere, are applauding.

“So uh… We have been destroying the planet for a couple hundred years and we act surprised when the wildlife starts to rebel? We are severely lacking in self awareness as a species,” Sawatsky declared.

“I love to see aquatic mammals rising up against elites!” the sazziestofazzies added.

“We can’t applaud Gladys and then hate surf otter. I welcome all direct action from our animal comrades,” franceswygat chipped in.

“Stop playing in their backyard! How would you like it if a stranger went in your backyard and started playing there?” erikasadventures

Die, human, die.