Ian, at far left, with gang members from the Bronzed Aussies.

Former world number #2 surfer Ian Cairns and Elon Musk ratchet up blood feud with Wikipedia, “It’s the thought police! Everything is suspect!”

“You have to be a gnarly tough son of a bitch cocksucker to go beyond the point where you think you might die!”

Do you remember, yesterday, watching Ian Cairns and Elon Musk bludgeon your favourite online resource to pulps of blood?  

Kanga, who was famous in the nineteen seventies for brazenly presenting his titanic buttocks to the beach as he flexed into bottom turns, took to X to attack Wikipedia for its “shocking inaccuracies.” 

He was moved to comment after Musk, the fifty-two-year-old billionaire owner of Twitter/X, as well as SpaceX and the nerd chariot producer Tesla, quipped “History is written by the victors. Well, yes, but not if your enemies are still alive and have a lot of time on their hands to edit Wikipedia”.

The “talented but elitist” former world number two, who once strangled a Hawaiian surf star on a ten-foot wave and who told me once “You have to be a gnarly tough son of a bitch cocksucker to go beyond the point where you think you might die!” replied,

“My personal experience with Wikipedia was shocking. Accused of hacking I finally had to engage with another Ian Cairns in Scotland to vouch for me, that I was me. It makes me doubt every page on the site. It’s not Encyclopedia Brittanica!”

But what did Wikipedia get wrong? Much speculation yesterday although a phone call placed to Laguna Beach this afternoon, where Kanga, who is seventy-one, lives, revealed it was less what they got wrong than what they missed out on. 

First, of course, we had to laugh about silly Erik Logan being jettisoned from the WSL and his “disturbing” stunt with Filipe Toledo, Kanga explaining that’s what it’s like in Hollywood, “They do creepy shit”.

Anyway, Wiki missed that he was there for the formation of the IPS (Fred Hemmings’ version of pro surfing), then the ASP (Kanga’s version), his work on Big Wednesday, the OP Pro, how he came up with computer scoring with the ASL, six CT wins etc.

“I wrote all this and put it in there and made it…right… and then I came back in the morning and it had reverted to where it was.” 

Editors figured Kanga was a hacker.

“They contacted me, this guy starts messaging me, saying, you’ve hacked this Ian Cairns’ account, cause he’s a famous Scottish actor or something. And, I said, dude, this is…me, and they threatened to ban me from all sorts of stuff, the whole cyber thing. I just realised the people you’re dealing with have this sense of ownership over information.” 

The custody of information is a very thorny topic with this dynamic man.

“Elon, that guy,” says Kanga, “he’s under investigation for so many things these days because he dared to release the Twitter files, actually supports stuff, is anti the trans agenda, he’s not down for the plan and now he’s fired all the election interference people. Yeah, man! They’re going to have to do away with him! The people who are very left are freaking out.”

Are you on the left, the right, or a fence-sitter, and, again, how can you not love Elon for all the clever trinkets he makes? Asking Matt Warshaw, specifically. 

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Capt Sensible
Capt Sensible
2 years ago

How come they rarely show pictures of the BA s with Cheyne Horan in tow , to gay I guess for Kanga.

disqus_00d1gIXedO
disqus_00d1gIXedO
2 years ago

Ian Cairns hacking

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Trev
Trev
2 years ago

Another boomer that the world has passed by and doesn’t understand why. “I used to be important”

Capt Sensible
Capt Sensible
2 years ago
Reply to  Trev

Couldn’t out paddle Couldn’t out surf Tony Hardy but no one talks about that when they mention Kanga at Margaret River or in big surf in the West.

VAL LAVA
VAL LAVA
2 years ago

licking the bootlicker Elon’s boots, Derek. Sad! Putin’s little bitch. 2nd biggest con man in the states after former prez poorman orangeman. otoh, orangeman going to jail opens up #1 position for elo(n)

VAL LAVA
VAL LAVA
2 years ago

bc the old guy doesn’t understand how wiki works? lololololol

JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
2 years ago

Keep in mind, this is the cat who brought the surfing world ‘The Blonde Zozzies’. Meanwhile, Mark Warren hasn’t aged a bit.

velobwoy
velobwoy
2 years ago

I’m with the good guys.

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago

You’re setting him up to look like a dickhead either way derek.

JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
2 years ago

Because he is a dickhead?

JSC
JSC
2 years ago

Everyone knows you cannot edit your own Wikipedia profile – in the interest of objectivity, it has to be done without your knowledge or consent by an independent Wikipedia editor.

There is no far left agenda – only paranoid people, more paranoid and more crazy than RFK Jr.

Neal Kearney
Neal Kearney
2 years ago
Reply to  JSC

Unbelievable cringe levels mate!

JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
2 years ago
Reply to  JSC

You mean like Ke11y?

Durban Poison
Durban Poison
2 years ago

It shows how far down the rabbit hole some surfers have gone when they share opinion’s with megalomaniac billionaires

Pauly Matt War-Shore
Pauly Matt War-Shore
2 years ago
tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago

don’t know the tyler sheridan ending…sick of Yellowstone~volcano’s bring us surf!

Cannabis-Creativity
Cannabis-Creativity
2 years ago

I am reluctantly on the left, could never be on the right but detest extremism on either side. I am pro trans but hate trans advocates. I am pro gay but don’t like it when they flaunt it. I am more pro-worker than I am pro-business. I hate Trump and Gavin Newsom and Elon. I have compassion for homeless people and migrants. I don’t have a racist bone in my body unless I’m in need of a scapegoat. I believe in global warming but I am scientifically illiterate and couldn’t tell you why. I supported the vaccine mandate, bc we’re all in this together, or should be. I believe in giving $ to Ukraine bc I don’t trust Putin and believe bullies should be repelled. I believe in capitalism and believe we should repeal child labor laws. I believe in socialism for Nordic countries, bc blonde-haired beauties should be frolicking not working. I believe in freedom of religion except for evangelicals. I believe Jews run the world and do a decent job. I don’t believe in conspiracy theories unless I’m really high. I believe drugs and prostitution and abortion should be legalized and pedos should be lynched by Barton Lynch.

swampgoat
swampgoat
2 years ago

I like going right, and left. Sometimes lefts are better than the rights, and vice versa. Depends on the conditions.

@surfads
@surfads
2 years ago

Another Wikipedia story: during one particularly boring office job I made up a game called Wikilympics, where you are given a topic, historical figure, band, movie, whatever and then click the Wikipedia ‘random article thread.’ You have to navigate to your allotted topic from the random article as quickly as possible. There’s two ways of doing it: either time-based where you can click on as many links as you like, or click-based where you try and navigate using as few links as possible.

Anyway some cunt stole the idea and it’s now a proper game with an app etc https://en.m.wikipedia.org/…

I have more Wikipedia stories so keep the articles coming.

Nonagon_Infinity
Nonagon_Infinity
2 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

At least you found $50

Pauly Matt War-Shore
Pauly Matt War-Shore
2 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

This is legit great.


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