“You have to be a gnarly tough son of a bitch cocksucker to go beyond the point where you think you might die!”
Do you remember, yesterday, watching Ian Cairns and Elon Musk bludgeon your favourite online resource to pulps of blood?
Kanga, who was famous in the nineteen seventies for brazenly presenting his titanic buttocks to the beach as he flexed into bottom turns, took to X to attack Wikipedia for its “shocking inaccuracies.”
He was moved to comment after Musk, the fifty-two-year-old billionaire owner of Twitter/X, as well as SpaceX and the nerd chariot producer Tesla, quipped “History is written by the victors. Well, yes, but not if your enemies are still alive and have a lot of time on their hands to edit Wikipedia”.
The “talented but elitist” former world number two, who once strangled a Hawaiian surf star on a ten-foot wave and who told me once “You have to be a gnarly tough son of a bitch cocksucker to go beyond the point where you think you might die!” replied,
“My personal experience with Wikipedia was shocking. Accused of hacking I finally had to engage with another Ian Cairns in Scotland to vouch for me, that I was me. It makes me doubt every page on the site. It’s not Encyclopedia Brittanica!”
But what did Wikipedia get wrong? Much speculation yesterday although a phone call placed to Laguna Beach this afternoon, where Kanga, who is seventy-one, lives, revealed it was less what they got wrong than what they missed out on.
First, of course, we had to laugh about silly Erik Logan being jettisoned from the WSL and his “disturbing” stunt with Filipe Toledo, Kanga explaining that’s what it’s like in Hollywood, “They do creepy shit”.
Anyway, Wiki missed that he was there for the formation of the IPS (Fred Hemmings’ version of pro surfing), then the ASP (Kanga’s version), his work on Big Wednesday, the OP Pro, how he came up with computer scoring with the ASL, six CT wins etc.
“I wrote all this and put it in there and made it…right… and then I came back in the morning and it had reverted to where it was.”
Editors figured Kanga was a hacker.
“They contacted me, this guy starts messaging me, saying, you’ve hacked this Ian Cairns’ account, cause he’s a famous Scottish actor or something. And, I said, dude, this is…me, and they threatened to ban me from all sorts of stuff, the whole cyber thing. I just realised the people you’re dealing with have this sense of ownership over information.”
The custody of information is a very thorny topic with this dynamic man.
“Elon, that guy,” says Kanga, “he’s under investigation for so many things these days because he dared to release the Twitter files, actually supports stuff, is anti the trans agenda, he’s not down for the plan and now he’s fired all the election interference people. Yeah, man! They’re going to have to do away with him! The people who are very left are freaking out.”
Are you on the left, the right, or a fence-sitter, and, again, how can you not love Elon for all the clever trinkets he makes? Asking Matt Warshaw, specifically.