You may be in his DMs but you're not in his police report. We are not the same."
It is easy to blame a man, or woman, for stumbling in a relationship. Especially when that man, or woman, is notable. Direct messages filled with amorous petitions, flirty comments left underneath otherwise blameless photos, digital notes passed underneath digital tables. Easy to blame, yes. The happily coupled should, of course, avert eyes, stay focused, practice restraint and self-control. Should not fall prey to momentary lust that will certainly lead nowhere but perdition and/or a lawsuit.
Easy to blame, certainly, until Shakira lays a thirst trap.
The Colombian songstress with the voice of an angel is impossible to resist. Impossible from the tips of her toes through those truth-telling hips all the way up to the hair on her head.
Impossible and, much to the chagrin of men everywhere, Shakira is newly single having spectacularly broken up with Spanish soccer stud Gerard Piqué earlier in the year.
Enter Kelly Slater
One of Shakira’s first orders of business, post-split, was to go surfing. One of her second orders was to follow the world’s greatest surfer, Kelly Slater, on Instagram. Now, Slater all this would be fine and well except for the fact that the 11x champion has been in a committed and loving relationship with his Chinese girlfriend for nearly two decades. By all accounts, they appear very happy together, traveling the world with their small Chihuahua etc.
So why is Kelly Slater “liking” photographs of Shakira’s gam?
As previously stated, impossible to resist but in a new video, what must be Slater’s girlfriend claps directly back at the multi-time Grammy award winner and anyone else hoping for a little extracurricular Cocoa Beach cuddling.
The couple, who simply must be Slater and his girlfriend by the looks of it, are sitting in a car. That Slater figure is wearing a white tank top with a blue neckerchief and sits quietly nodding while his girlfriend declares, “You may be in his DMs but you’re not in his police report. We are not the same.”
Shots fired.
Kelly Slater has a police report though?
For what?
Shakira’s a free woman, as of moments ago, too.
More as the story develops.