Filipe Toledo, ISA Games, Puerto Rico.
Filipe Toledo, bested by poisoned local hero Brian Toth, inset, at ISA Games in Puerto Rico.

Irony strikes Olympic surfing qualifier after local hero downs world champ Filipe Toledo despite food poisoning

“I was weak and just puking my brains out all morning,” just like Filipe Toledo wasn’t at Pipe a few weeks ago.

Yesterday, in round three of the World Surf Games held in Puerto Rico, the almost forty-year-old hometown hero Brian Toth matched up against two-time champion John John Florence and the once-defending champ Filipe Toledo.

As the clock ran out, Florence won and Toth held the number two spot, pushing Filipe Toledo into the repechage.

A defeat by a former QS journeyman might have been easier to swallow Filipe Toledo had it not that Toth barely made his heat due to an acute case of – you guessed it – food poisoning.

Post heat Toth said,

“I was weak and just puking my brains out all morning,” just like Filipe Toledo wasn’t at Pipe a few weeks ago.

You undoubtedly recall two-time WSL champion Filipe Toledo bowed out of the season opener at Pipeline after bobbing in the water for thirty minutes without committing to a single adult-sized wave in his round one heat.

His score? 1.77

His reason? Food poisoning.

As online doctors diagnosed after his admission, one typically cannot much detach from the tile of the bathroom floor than jog across the sand then slide out to eight-foot Pipe.

Common food poisoning symptoms include vomiting, diarrhea, and fever, each of these lasting from six to thirty-six hours.

Yet, Filipe Toledo the lion-chested brushed aside his torment to fulfill his responsibility as a worthy world champion and pretend to surf his heat. After, the lion-chested warrior exited the water to take proper medical care with a cheeseburger and bottle of beer.

Three days later, the Brazilian announced his withdraw from the tour to focus on his mental health.

Pundits sniffed blood and claimed Toledo spineless. Naturally, he returned fire, playing the part of protester at a Selma food counter.

After three weeks, the cruel whisperings and taunting had started to quiet.

But karma runs quick and bites hard.

Post heat Toth said, “I’m going to go probably get an IV right now because I can’t keep anything down at the moment. Rest up and eat well and try to get the food back into me.”

Likely a burger and Modelo.

The whole thing is stinging, isn’t it.

Cairns (left) and Tomson (right) feat. A. Goggans.
Cairns (left) and Tomson (right) feat. A. Goggans.

World surf champs Ian Cairns vs. Shaun Tomson criminal “kook case” takes sordid turn!

A landmark ruling continues to reverberate.

California’s most powerful legal minds have been riveted, this past week, and not by proceedings in Washington D.C. or the fine state of Alabama but rather by drama up near Montecito where Oprah Winfrey and Princess Meghan rub Ozempic. Yes, a case has been ruled on there definitively declaring that kooks are free to drop in and maim wherever and whenever they please.

You certainly read about it one month ago, here, but as quick refresher….

The precedent centered around one Mark Olson who decided to go for a surf, one morning, at Miramar Beach. He paddled out with a pal and, as it happens, a wave came steaming in. Mr. Olson paddled for it, dropped in on the surfer behind him though “believed they were a safe distance from each other.”

In an instant flash of karma, though, a longboarder named Patrick Saville dropped in on Mr. Olson and bingo bango WIPEOUT!

Mr. Olson popped up and felt his back. “I immediately stood up in pain,” he recalled. “I put my hand in through my wetsuit that was sliced open and inside the flesh of my torso that had been cut wide open.”

He started crying like an itty bitty baby then saw Mr. Saville’s longboard floating all by itself.


Mr. Olson’s pal had heard his public weeping and paddled over, examining his back and saying, “It was a very deep, long, open wound that looked like he had been cut open by a filet knife. It made me nauseous and feel like throwing up. The cut was through his wetsuit. It looked like his guts were hanging out.”

An ambulance finally came and took the two tender li’l things to a hospital.

The story does not stop there, however. Mr. Olson was infuriated by the leashless business and sued Mr. Saville for damages. Each rallied a bonafide surf star for to make surf etiquette explanations to the judge. Mr. Olson rolled out none other than Shaun Tomson who shared the rules of surfing are 1) don’t drop in on surfers already riding a wave, and 2) don’t lose control of your board. Also, “Wear a surf leash to control your surfboard in the event you lose control of it.”

Mr. Saville countered with the testosterone-spitting father of professional surfing, Ian Cairns who mocked the lily-livers before him and stated, “Etiquette is fluid depending on a variety of factors” while defending the God given right of longboarders to lose the leash.

In the end, the judge sided with Ian Cairns.

I really don’t have more to add other than the mainstream media has now picked up the story and is aghast that Mr. Saville didn’t lose. Also, continually let down by the system is Ashton Goggans who once called the police in order to file an assault charge after becoming pushed during a podcast.

The law laughed directly into his portly face.

And there is your sordid turn.

Dear Bailey Ladders... you are hella fine. Love, Kaipo Guerrero.
Dear Bailey Ladders... you are hella fine. Love, Kaipo Guerrero.

Run on perfumed stationary feared as World Surf League launches “Why I love my Bailey ladder” promotion!

How do I love thee, Bailey Ladders? Let me count the ways.

One of the more endearing partnerships, of the past year plus, is, undoubtedly, that between the World Surf League and regional Australian company Bailey Ladders. Soft launched near the beginning of the 2022 or 2023 Championship Tour Season, the romance picked up heat, last year, and became Instagram official after WSL APAC President Andrew Stark declared, “The WSL is happy to have Bailey Ladders increase their involvement to include the CT events in Australia for the next two years. We had incredible feedback from fans onsite and watching from home on the Bailey Ladders Leaderboard. We look forward to continuing this activation across four events in 2023 and 24, both onsite and online. We’d like to thank them for their ongoing support and for seeing the value in professional surfing.”

The surf fan delighted in the love story, from a distance, but never imagined he, or she, would be invited to actively participate.

But here we are.

In a stunning overnight move, the “Global Home of Surfing” announced a campaign that would invite the aforementioned surf fan directly into the boudoir, as it were.

The “Why you Love your Bailey Ladder” promotion.

Per the directions, amorous dreamers are instructed to “simply spend $700 or more on Baily Ladders product(s) and fill out your details on the website entry page then write in 25 words or less ‘Why you Love your Bailey Ladder.'”

Though what does the winner receive?

The “trip of a lifetime” to Margaret River, of course, for herself and “3 mates” which includes:

-$4000 Flight Centre Travel Voucher.

-4 person accommodation from April 10th to 22nd (4 bed, self contained small house).

-4 VIP tickets to watch every da of the event from the official WSL VIP Tend (Food and drinks included).

-$4,400 spending money in the form of a Visa gift card.

Spring has sprung (in the northern hemisphere and almost).

Connor O'Leary, number one Japanese surfer, toppling Kanoa Igarashi.
Connor O'Leary, Cronulla-born, Irish name, but with impeccable Japanese bona fides! Topples Kanoa Igarashi as number one Japanese surfer.

Boilover at Olympic surf qualifier after Aussie Connor O’Leary topples Kanoa Igarashi to become Japan’s #1 surfer!

Kanoa Igarashi no longer face of Japanese surfing as boy from Cronulla steals coveted crown!

As predicted on these pages four days ago in The Wild Blood Feud No One Saw Coming, Aussie surfer Conner O’Leary has stolen the number one Japanese surfer title from Huntington Beach’s Kanoa Igarashi. 

Kanoa Igarashi, a boy with a high forehead and plucked eyebrows, may have already qualified for Paris 2024, but tears were swimming in his eyes earlier today after he was bundled out of the Olympic qualifier in Puerto Rico in what looked like a walk-through heat. 

Igarashi failed to muster double digits in a shock performance against Chilean Roberto Araki, German Dylan Green and Italian Papa Edoardo, minnows whom Igarashi should’ve had squalling with fright. 

Cronulla-born Conner O’Leary, meanwhile, dominated a high-scoring repechage heat, pressing his jackboot on the necks of Venezuelan Keoni Lasa, Jamaica’s Elishama Beckford and Chilean Guillermo Satt. 

He will now move into repechage heat four, not real sure what happens after that. Readers, hit your buzzers when you know the answer and write in the space below. 

O’Leary has previously said, “I want to see some Japanese surfers on the tour in the next couple of years – there’s so much talent. To be that face on the tour for them, and help the Australian kids as well, what more can you ask for?”

In another boilover, Filipe Toledo, who came out of retirement for the qualifier and who was regarded as an easy favourite to win the event due to small waves that would struggle to knock awry the spectacles of a child, came last in his round three heat against John John Florence, Puerto Rican Brian Toth and Chilean Manuel Selman. 

Toledo, unlike Kanoa Igarashi, can still muscle his way back into the event, but must do so from the loser rounds. 

Again, readers, explain the byzantine workings of the ISA Games in the discussion pane below.

Griffin Colapinto (pictured) absorbing a low blow. Photo: WSL
Griffin Colapinto (pictured) absorbing a low blow. Photo: WSL

World Surf League slams “parvenu” Griffin Colapinto in announcing new documentary series “Tahiti Bound”

Burn book.

The “Global Home of Surfing” almost made news, ahead of the 2024 Championship Tour, by inking a deal with ESPN to broadcast the top-tier events on a sub-sub-sub channel. Surf fans thrilled at the possibility of catching Kelly Slater, Filipe Toledo, Caroline Marks et. al. on cable television, as opposed to new-fangled YouTube, and celebrated surfing’s mainstream acceptance.

Not satisfied, never resting on laurels, the World Surf League has just announced a collaboration with NBC for a limited documentary series following professional surfers on their Olympic journeys. Set to air on the cable television business channel CNBC, “Tahiti Bound” will undoubtedly thrill.

Per the breathless press release:

“Paris is re-imagining the presentation of the Olympics in so many exciting ways, and staging the surfing competition in Tahiti will provide one of the most evocative backdrops imaginable,” said Joe Gesue, Senior Vice President of Olympic Programming and Executive Editor, NBC Sports. “Partnering with the WSL for such in-depth access to the athletes’ personal journeys to this unique Olympic setting aligns perfectly with our commitment to storytelling.”

“2024 is set to be a transformative year for the sport thanks, in large part, to the Olympic Games, which is the biggest stage in the world,” said Cherie Cohen, WSL Chief Revenue Officer. “The WSL is in an ideal position to provide content, access, and insights that will significantly enhance NBC’s coverage of the Games. This partnership is also a fantastic opportunity to bring the compelling stories of our athletes on the road to Tahiti to NBC’s audience.”

Throughout the series, fans will get insights into the lives of surfing’s biggest stars, such as reigning Olympic champion and five-time world champion Carissa Moore, two-time world champion John John Florence, and 2023 world champion Caroline Marks, as well as up-and-comers Griffin Colapinto and surfing phenomenon Caity Simmers.


Carissa Moore, John John Florence and Caroline Marks all described as “champions,” Caity Simmers a “surfing phenomenon” while Griffin Colapinto is tarred with the demeaning “up-and-comer?”

A lowly “parvenu.”

How rude is that?

What do you think San Clemente’s second finest did to deserve such disrespect?

While you are thinking, there will also be “a single highlight show recapping the Olympic Games and the 2024 WSL CT results, “Tahiti to Trestles,” airing Sunday, Oct. 13, at 1 p.m. ET on NBC and Peacock.

Tahiti to Trestles.

Erik Logan’s stillborn idea continuing to haunt.

Poopoo touch.