Uriah Anchor avoids surfboard as guillotine at Teahupoo.
Uriah Anchor avoids surfboard as guillotine at Teahupoo.

Is this the best burn of a seven-year-old surfer ever?

Baby child famous for outshining world surf champ at deadly Teahupoo gets regulated!

The seven-year-old surf prodigy Uriah Anchor became famous last year when he outshone Filipe Toledo at Teahupoo, riding the joint as if he was born there, a plastic helmet his only protection against the deadly reef.

Toledo, you’ll remember, was in the running for a shock gold medal at the Olympics last year, even clocking an almost perfect ride while the surf remained small. However, his hopes of glory were shattered when the surf got a little bigger and Toledo threatened to reprise his famous zero-point heat total there.

Eight months ago, Uriah Anchor released a few IG posts where he fearlessly attacks the famous left that has flummoxed two-time world champ Filipe Toledo for well over a decade. His performances drew sharp praise from a cavalcade of surf stars including the man who pioneered backside tube riding at Pipeline Johnny Boy Gomes.

 

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A post shared by Uriah McDonald (@uriah_anchor)

Uriah Anchor’s latest drop is a take on the 1992 film Kelly Slater in Black and White, a short film that confirmed, as if confirmation was necessary, the 21-year-old Floridian’s genius.

As he, or his daddy, explains on the channel,

This is our 1992-inspired surf edit for the Chemistry Surfboards Surf Video Challenge.

When Chemistry Surfboards raffled off four custom boards to local Osiders, 7-year-old Uriah was one of the lucky names drawn. The challenge? Film and edit a complete surf video in just one month.

Uriah took that board straight to work—stacking clips at Lowers, Trestles, Teahupoo, and more…
pushing his progression and style on every wave.

The highlight, in my book, is baby child getting regulated by a man at Teahupoo. Uriah deals calmly with the unexpected visitor from the heavens, scoots around the blade, and gets tubed out of his head.

Question to the below-the-line gang: you ever give hell to a kid in the water?

If so, what was the rationale and did it feel like a triumph of the spirit or did you go home and weep?

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Good onya.

In stunning upset, Australian magazine ranks Burleigh, Bells, Snapper and Margs over Pipeline on “world’s greatest waves” list!

Did not see that coming.

Surfers are collectively gasping for air, this morning, trying to understand a re-ordered world. The shock win of Democratic-Socialist upstart Zohran Mamdani over the establishment pick Andrew Cuomo in the New York City mayoral primary is, of course, shaking the ground. Cuomo, despite being a heavy favorite leading up to election day and having the support of universally adored figures like Bill Clinton, Bill Ackman and Michael Bloomberg, got utterly trounced by the 33-year-old Ugandan-American, calling in his resignation just two hours after polls closed. It is being called the biggest upset in New York political history, and Mamdani will face off against current mayor Eric Adams and possibly Cuomo, once again, who is floating running as an independent in the fall.

Stunning but not why surfers are wheezing all bug-eyed en masse.

No, the cause of our bewilderment finds its root in Australia where its Time Out Magazine has just released its highly anticipated “world’s greatest surfing spots” list with Burleigh Heads, Bells Beach, Snapper and Margaret River all appearing in the top five over the traditional betting favorite Pipeline.

The complete list is thus:

  1. Burleigh Heads, Australia
  2. Malibu, United States
  3. Bells Beach, Australia
  4. Snapper Rocks, Australia
  5. Margaret River, Australia
  6. Pipeline, United States
  7. Mentawai Islands, Indonesia
  8. Tamarindo, Costa Rica
  9. Tamarin Bay, Mauritius
  10. Black Rocks, Mauritius.

While surfers tried to figure out how to approach the day with everything they thought they knew altered, Brazilians were busy writing death threats to send to Australia as no Brazilian waves, not even Saquarema, made an appearance.

At least some things will never change.

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Hanna Daly resolves dispute with Rusty Surfboards
Mural queen Hanna Daly resolves two-year dispute with Rusty Surfboards.

Rusty Surfboards Pays Queer Artist $15,000 After Viral Dispute

"Rusty as a global brand did the right thing, and they were very unhappy with how I was treated by their licensee."

Three days back one of the world’s great surfboard brands, Rusty, was accused of stiffing a queer gal artist of fifteen-gees for a mural she painted on the wall of their Carlsbad store, a short skip from Chas Smith’s pink palace as it happens. 

Hanna Daly, a forty-two-year-old surfer, claimed she spent one thousand bucks of her own money making the mural for Rusty in July, 2023, and was told payment was forthcoming.

Then, two years of nothing, until Daly posted a reel of her taking the Rusty logo out of the mural. 

Daly wrote,

Update: @rustysurfboards has decided to spend money on a lawyer instead of paying artists. I got an intimidating email from their lawyer yesterday full of inaccuracies and threats.

This after they said they would have me fully paid within two weeks.

The reel was viewed 27 million times, liked 104,000 times with almost three thousand comments and 315 shares.

“Now 10.9 million people know the brand is bad news and can’t be trusted – was it worth not paying for the job?” wrote one fan, indicative of the general mood.

Now, good news, after Rusty Australia stepped in to pay their Californian cuz’s bill. 

 

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A post shared by Hanna Daly (@hannasmurals)


Daly writes,

I got paid thanks to all of your support! To be clear, @rustyworldwide stepped in and did the right thing by paying me even though this was not their responsibility. The mural was commissioned by local San Diego @rustysurfboards and they are the only one at fault here.

Rusty as a global brand did the right thing, and they were very unhappy with how I was treated by their licensee.

Please be respectful of all Rusty surfers and team members. They are not at all involved in this matter. And the matter is resolved thanks to the attention it received.

Have a great day everyone!

Anyone out there a freelancer or a tradie? How many times you been stiffed? I don’t lift a dang finger anymore unless I know I’m gonna get paid, either before or on delivery.

 

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Luke Rockhold, expert surfer
Luke Rockhold, hotter than Africa, as they say, in almost every regard. | Photo: Soul Artist Management

MMA’s God of Thunder Luke Rockhold revealed to be expert surfer!

"Still got that pig dog."

The retired mixed martial artist Luke Rockhold, a six-foot three man chiselled out of stone and who FISHER once nominated as the man he’d slaughter in a game of Fuck, Marry, Kill, has stunned surf fans by expertly threading a backside tube at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California. 

Cut to Ice Cube’s It Was a Good Day, Luke Rockhold writes, “Still got that pig dog.” 

A who’s who of surfing, including Gary “Kong” Elkerton, Rizal Tandjung, Bete Merta, Mitch Crews, John Gannon, Jackson Dorian and Damien Hobgood, all punched like on the post.

 

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A post shared by Luke Rockhold (@lukerockhold)

Rockhold, who is forty and a former middleweight champ, is the bro of the former Santa Cruz pro surfer Matt Rockhold. A highlight of his storied career, at least for me came when he smeared his own blood over the face of Brazilian Paulo Costa at UFC277, earning him a Fight of the Night bonus. 

Luke Rockhold may be the best of the fighters in the surf but he has some relatively strong competition from Hawaiian Max Holloway, who once said “surfing is crazier than fighting” and another Hawaiian champ who nearly became surfing’s first pool fatality three years back when he was sucked outta the tank and into the engine room.

Let’s remember. 

“Last year when I got sucked into a wave pool engine room and thought I was going to die… I kept thinking “don’t die for your kids” I was surfing for a about an hour and the line started getting longer to catch the wave. I was sitting next to the owner of the wave pool by the “wall” where the waves come from. The first wave it shoots out is a dud to get everyone ready for the next wave. The dud wave came back and because I was so close to the wall the wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a huge cement wall. I remember feeling like I was getting sucked in a pipe and at that moment I got scared. It ended up pushing me into a big dark cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final destination. The room would fill up with water to the top and I would hold my breath and then it would push the water out to make the wave and it was really rough inside there. Everything I bumped up against in the room that hurt me got infected. I got a bad sinus infection and a couple facial fractures from getting knocked around the cement walls and from the fractures the dirty water got in my face and infected my whole sinus. I was on antibiotics for three weeks for my face. While I was in the wave pool engine room I knew that one of my friends outside from big island is a legendary surfer and I knew he would come in there to rescue me so I stayed calm. A lot of other people might have panicked and maybe gave up but I just stayed strong for my kids. Anyway to make a long story short I survived that mother fucker !! The name of the people and water park have been left out. I not the kine guy shows up to your house to play and gets hurt and tries to sue you so all love ❤️ to everyone who helped me get there and helped me survive Maybe I was the first guy in history to get sucked into a wave pool engine room while it is in operation but no matter what happens in life and no matter how scary it is if I can offer you any advice I would just say to “stay calm”. If I didn’t fight tough cunts my whole life I might have panicked, but it was just another day in the office.”

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Beef & Beer (left) and Dogsnuts (center) share a wave with Blaze.
Beef & Beer (left) and Dogsnuts (center) share a wave with Blaze.

Quirky surf play based on lives of BeachGrit commenters hits Washington D.C. stage!

"The golden girls seeking hang-ten instruction in this scenario are old friends and contrasting personalities..."

If you happen to find yourself on America’s east coast, this summer, and are looking for some entertainment, it would be both cruel and rude to miss a night of arts. There are, of course, many options. Moulin Rouge: The Musical on New York’s Broadway, rock band Creed playing in Philadelphia or, best, a night at the theater in Washington D.C. for a staging of “Wipeout.”

The surf-based play, which premiered last year in Sacramento, explores themes of aging, death and trauma along with love and healing.

According to a review in Kelp Magazine:

Three retired life-long female friends (Claudia, Wynn, and Gary) are out on the water for their very first surf lesson from Blaze, their young hot surf instructor. As you can imagine, the play is hilarious and goofy in all the best ways, especially being set entirely in the open water. The “surfing” was ingenuously captured by placing the actors on surfboard-shaped boards on wheels, allowing the actors to move up and down the stage and into each other just as one would do in the ocean.

Jeff Bezos organ The Washington Post, which reminds you that “Democracy Dies in Darkness,” further explains:

The golden girls seeking hang-ten instruction in this scenario are old friends and contrasting personalities whose reunion in Santa Cruz, California, simmers with charged memories and barbed banter. Gary (Katherine Cortez) is a firecracker of energy and enthusiasm. The oft-married Wynn (Delissa Reynolds) is prickly in a way that obviously masks inner pain. Claudia (Naomi Jacobson) is a high-strung and anxious type quick to see a shark in a piece of kelp. As 19-year-old surfer dude Blaze (Alec Ludacka) attempts to teach them how to shred, the trio contemplates aging, grapples with old hurt and memories, and experiences the bittersweet glories of friendship.

Characters pulled straight from below the line at BeachGrit (except for Blaze).

So, are you a Gary a Wynn or a Claudia?

Which one is Otto?

Discuss.

Wipeout is running through July 27. Buy tickets here.

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