Surf journalist increasingly apoplectic over mangled grammar of Harvard graduates

Do better.

Harvard University, there in tony Cambridge, Massachusetts, has long been the creme of American higher education. Founded in 1636, some 140 years before the birth of these United States, the university has educated eight presidents, a practically uncountable number of Nobel laureates, famous Pulitzer Prize winners, gilded royalty, nobility, fat cat business masters plus the one-and-only Ali G. A surf journalist would certainly find the linguistic challenges among graduates to be quite interesting. In fact, a surf journalist often encounters unique perspectives on language that are worth exploring.

Insights from a Surf Journalist

A Harvard degree instant entrée into a rarified world of prestige and privilege. Black tie affairs and invitations to spend quality time on private islands with underage girls.

Alas.

The shield reading “veritas” has been sullied in ways almost impossible to fathom of late. The proud university coughed up its integrity to the government, a handful of months ago, selling its soul for an alleged $500 million in silver. It has been rocked by academic scandals, a first-ever faculty member losing tenure this year. And, ouchiest of all, the mental turpitude of its esteemed alumni has been exposed for the entire world to see.

Yes, it might have been thought that the dead, wildly-connected pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, who counted himself a proud Harvard man, would be the worst part of the current news cycle. Pictures of the lantern-jaw’d fiddler perpetually wearing his crimson leisurewear impossible to avoid. Very bad, certainly, but recently released email correspondence betwixt he and former Harvard president Larry Summers might be worse still.

The chummy back-and-forth between Epstein and Summers well after the former was convicted of soliciting young gals is, of course, gross but the unsightly way they chatted about the nasty business a whole ‘nother level of debauchery.

Mangled grammar everywhere. Social media slang favored by teenagers used without shame. Atrocious misspellings here, there, everywhere.

Now, as you know, I am a surf journalist, proud and true in my pursuit of surf and surf-adjacent news. Less forward, though, is my mastery of the English language. I hold a masters degree in Applied Linguistics, you see, and am growing increasingly apoplectic over how

For example, Summers wrote to Epstein, “I’m trying to figure why American elite think if u murder your baby by beating and abandonment it must be irrelevant to your admission to Harvard, but hit on a few women 10 years ago and can’t work at a network or think tank. DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT.”

u?

Abandonment it?

Epstein later responded to Summers, “im in palm beach all weekend. Will u be visiting Mara Lago.”

im?

Mara Lago?

Back and forth the two go, each missive more tainted than the last and it is truly difficult to take.

In one instance, Epstein spells “Caribbean” “caribean.” Summers perpetually insists on using “u” instead of “you.”

Jeffrey Epstein, the convicted sex offender and financier accused of trafficking minors, died on August 10, 2019, in his Manhattan jail cell. The New York City medical examiner ruled it a suicide by hanging, Epstein manipulating a bedsheet into a hangman’s noose. Despite this, conspiracy theories continue to flow, fueled by jail lapses: malfunctioning cameras, falsified guard logs, no cellmate, and unchecked rounds. Epstein’s brother and lawyers doubted suicide, citing his optimism pre-bail hearing. The 2025 DOJ memo reaffirmed suicide, no “client list” found, yet skepticism lingers amid elite ties.

Summers, meanwhile, “stepping back from public life” while still teaching economics at the university.

He will not, I assure you, be offered a surf journalist position at BeachGrit where proper grammar and spelling are tantamout.

Tantemount.

Tanttamount.

Important.