A morning with the sanctimonious lineup lecture giver

r/AmItheAsshole?

I was out, this morning, on a small though beautiful day. The sun had just barely crested, painting the beach in that dreamy Southern California fall hue, and the water was warm. I sat there, probably farther out than I should have been, wishing it was a bit bigger though also thankful for what was. A 2 foot wave passed under me and I watched two surfers paddle then both go over the falls. It was clear that the one on the left had either not looked for, or didn’t see, the surfer on the right and was in the wrong but, and again, it was a 2 foot wave so didn’t much matter.

The offending surfer, clearly competent, paddled back out and sat near me. The offended surfer followed. When he got closer he said, “You gotta watch out…”

His voice had the timbre of a youth pastor. Clean, loud, slow and authoritative but authoritative in the tamest of settings and to the tamest of children.

I looked over and studied him. He had sandy, wavy hair that hung around his neck. He had a sandy, partially manicured beard partially covering a doughy face. He was in his upper 20s or lower 30s and riding a fish sort of thing.

The offending surfer apologized.

The offended surfer continued, “Your board almost hit my head.”

The offending surfer apologized again.

The offended surfer continued, “You almost killed me.”

The offending surfer apologized again.

The offended surfer continued, “You’ve got to look both ways.”

His tone on that final one made me snap.

Now, the “you almost killed me” had already raised my ire as, and again, the whole mess had occured on a 2 foot wave, not a Teahupo’o bomb. To be quite honest, my ire had been pre-gamed because he had been loud-talking to his buddy in the lineup the entire morning. But the “you’ve got to look both ways” was delivered with a serious “teaching moment” vibe and I’d had enough so bellowed “Shut the (expletive deleted) up already you (expletive deleted) kook.”

Semi-stunned, he looked my way and said, “I wasn’t talking to you.”

That was neither here nor there because now I was talking to him so I repeated, “Shut your (expletive deleted) mouth.”

He mumbled something then paddled inside to loud talk with his buddy some more, likely about the incident.

Ten, or so, minutes later, we were bobbing there, thirty, or so, feet apart and he was staring at me. I stared back. He asked, “Why are you so angry?”

I told him that his stupid sanctimonious lecture over a simple mistake on a 2 foot wave had made me angry and informed him, once more, that he was a kook.

He told me I was the one cursing and pointing then paddled away.

I don’t remember pointing but trust his word as he did seem like the trustworthy type.

And that was that.

r/AmItheAsshole?