It's the sexiest joint you've ever seen including shower rooms and a fleet of bath tubs!

The childhood home of Californian Kolohe Andino whose phenomenal, beautiful, natural skill wasn’t allowed room to breathe on the world tour which led to his premature departure earlier this year, has been listed with hopes of around $1.895 million. 

Having been granted a tour of the joint myself, I can attest to the grandeur of 2239 Avenida Salvador. From the stunning American kitchen with its acres of bench space, the walk-in shower (hello!), two big bathtubs, a sauna that’s shaped like a whisky barrel, the vast entertaining area with fireplace to the three-car garage and all just a short electric bike ride to the home of the WSL Finals, it’s a house that delivers in multiples. To add even more sparkle, it has hosted a raft of surfing stars over the years including the famous Ho family from Sunset Beach, Hawaii.

Per the selling lit, 

Very desirable Southeast San Clemente location sitting on a rare flat/level 7,380 SF canyon lot with a large, serene & private backyard. Enter the front door to find vaulted open-beam ceilings along with picture windows allowing for incredible natural light. Continue to the kitchen that is open to the family room and dining area with breakfast bar seating. French doors open the living area to the peaceful backyard canyon setting, lined with mature trees and open land views. 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, bonus room featuring beautiful ocean views, fireplace, and wet bar, formal living room, and family room featuring fireplace. Master suite features French doors to a private deck overlooking the canyon, walk-in shower, soaking tub, dual sinks, and a walk-in closet. Two of the 3 secondary bedrooms offer access to a private deck, lending coastal breezes and open space views. Attached tandem 3 car garage (3rd car area of garage is currently being used as office/exercise room), parallels a full bathroom with walk-in shower and backyard access. No HOA/Association dues, Lower base Tax area, No Mello/Roos! Just minutes to San Clemente golf course, world class surf, San Clemente’s historic pier, local boutique shopping and dining, and Dana Point Harbor. Great Opportunity!!

The place has been listed for three months now, which suggests there ain’t a lot of taste in that part of California. A house of this magnitude, near beach, for under two mill?  Where’s the line? 

Apart from not reaching the stellar heights that were predicted for him as a teenager, Kolohe, who is now twenty nine and five years into marriage with the stunning Madison Brooke-Aldrich (Maddie’s account of Kolohe’s Christmas Day proposal, is proof that virility isn’t just measured at the root of the belly where the phallus rises) will be remembered for helping get the Surf Ranch Pro onto the tour. 

“After watching footage, Kolohe goes, ‘Why isn’t this on tour…well think about it!’” remembered Slater in his excellent documentary series Lost Tapes. “That’s when the conversation became real.”

Ironically, Kolohe’s initial enthusiasm would turn to sad when the contest did manifest, Kolohe accusing the judges of “playing mind tricks” and rewarding safety surfing and sitting in a barrel that carried with no risk.

Click here to examine all sixty nine photos of the house and to make your offer! 

Thoughts and prayers and maybe a tear or two for the Santa Babs style maestro!

Lovely Conner Coffin, the tiny thirty year old from Santa Babs whose gender-bending “cute fem boy” looks make any hot-blooded man want to kiss his eyelashes, has officially quit professional surfing after his early elimination from the US Open of Surfing at Huntington Beach. 

Coffin, who was a world title contender in 2021, lost in the round of 32 and made his decision public shortly thereafter. 

“It was so cool, my brother came down, got my fiancé and family…a lot of people who have been a part of my life and competitive surfing career,” Conner said. “Super special. It kinda started here in Huntington Beach, surfing NSSA [contests]. And this [the US Open of Surfing] was the first big contest I surfed in. I think Hurley gave me the wildcard. Then, I won the Pro Junior here a couple times. A lot of really good memories. It’s kinda weird, but I’m super stoked.”

It’d been a wild two years for Conner, dumped by Rip Curl, his sponsor of five years, and losing his spot on the tour in what he described as “waist-high shit Winkipop.”

Despite his milquetoast manner, Coffin has rarely shied away from controversy. Following the cut from the tour, he savaged the World Surf League’s chief strategy officer in a wild interview.

Per Chas,

He describes how his tour fate was decided by “waist high onshore shit Winikipop.” How the waves were garbage, more or less, the first five events, crushing livelihoods. Dealing with the hatred, amongst his professional surfers, about the cut. “It sucked. I hated it honestly. Big price to pay…” he ends with as Prodan giggles uncomfortably, eyes wide, mouth, framed by well-manicured beard lightly agape, then tries to re-spackle the Wall of Positive Noise by calling this year’s G-Land “really good” before casting blame on magazines of yesteryear for poorly representing the early “dream tour” as all fantastic.

After the premium surf website Stab used “racist tropes” to describes Coffin’s chances, or lack, of winning the 2021 world title, he fired back, “Stab, thanks for your continued ‘premium’ journalism, you could spell my name right. It pissed me off for a few minutes, but then I thought about all of the times people have doubted me, said I wasn’t good enough, said I can’t do something that I wanted to do and how I’ve always channeled it and combined that with passion, hard work, and love to accomplish my goals. In posting this, I hope it encourages you guys to use negativity and spin it into a positive and don’t let anyone get you down or keep you from achieving your goals!”

Although the honied era of multi-million dollar contracts is long gone, surf fans can rest easy lest they be worried of his financial future for mammy and daddy Coffin , Rich and Krista, operate a high-end construction biz, delighting in “creating architecturally significant homes”.

The last time we saw ‘em on these pages was one year ago when they listed their one-third share in 101 acres of gorgeous Hollister Ranch dirt, a beachfront enclave that counts blockbuster filmmaker James Cameron, Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinard and minstrel Jackson Browne as owners.

Coffin made his first appearance on BeachGrit in 2015 when he read a short story from the New Yorker called “I will slap you”, admitting the piece fit him well considering he’d once slapped the photography great Tom Carey during a heated showdown.

“I’ve slapped men twice your size and density,” says Coffin.

Essential.

 

 

McConaughey's "love of surf is unquestionable" although his career was almost dashed on the rocks with turns as Steve Addington in Surfer, Dude and Moondog in Beach Bum”.

You’ll remember only twelve months ago, tears falling for Griffin Colapinto who, despite winning two of the ten events, failed to secure a position in the crucial top five thereby missing the chance to win a world title at Lowers, his home break. 

Griff was murdered by four seventeenths at waves he should’ve owned, Pipe, Sunset, Bells and Rio. And when he fell in the round of sixteen at Teahupoo, oowee, out came the waterworks, the twenty five year old crying over a loss for the first time since he was twelve. 

This year has been markedly different, seconds at Sunset, Margs and El Salvador and a very controversial win at Slater’s Surf Ranch securing his spot in the final five and a slot in the US Olympic Surf Team, which is coached by Brett Simpson, one of the ablest and worst-used men in sports. 

Now, Colapinto has revealed the role Academy Award winning actor Matthew McConaughey, who watched the Sunset event from the Red Bull Athlete Lounge, played in his success.

As Colapinto told People magazine, McConaughey “hurled magnificent verbal thunder and lightning” before heats and it propelled the San Clementine into the season of his life, culminating with a ticket to Teahupoo in 2024 and a seat at the champions table in September. 

Colapinto has since returned the favour, advising McConaughey’s kid Levi, who made a stunning debut on Instagram three weeks ago with surf heavyweights lining up to praise his skills. 

The WSL personality famous for his steroidal tits, Strider Wasilewski, wrote, “Sick one grom” while former pro surfer Yadin Nicol simply melted, “So sick, Levi!”

Colapinto says Levi’s “been super psyched on surfing so I’ve been helping him with some surfing tips. He comes to San Clemente and surfs our local wave. It seems like they’re getting super into it, and that’s rad.”

McConaughey’s “love of surf is unquestionable” although his career was almost dashed on the rocks with turns as Steve Addington in Surfer, Dude and Moondog in Beach Bum”.

(Editor’s note: this story is a culmination of three hours sitting in front of a blank screen watching the click meter stutter and grafting an even-more-pointless-than-usual story over an otherwise fruitful afternoon drinking rum treated with squirts of lime and grapefruit juice.)