Surf fans (insert) bummed. Photo: Jesse Palmer
Surf fans (insert) bummed. Photo: Jesse Palmer

Surf fans break out in bitter sobs as core surfer Leslie Fhima has heart broken by cruel “Golden Bachelor!”

“I hate myself and I hate everything right now."

What was supposed to be a night of glorious celebration, for surf fans, turned into an evening of slow motion horror as The Golden Bachelor unspooled in real time. But only last week we were introduced to Leslie Fhima, a 64-year-old personal trainer who once dated Prince but, most importantly, is a core surfer. She was the odds-on favorite to win the hand of Gerry Turner, a retired restauranteur from Indiana whose other wife died, I think.

Anyhow, The Golden Bachelor swept the nation with its tale of sunset love and surf fans felt certain Turner would go for the 64-year-old Fhima over the 70-year-old Theresa Nist who did not surf.

Leslie Fhima-core.
Leslie Fhima-core.

Turner and Fhima’s “Fantasy Suite” rendezvous went wonderful, maybe even sexy time, and the brunette ripper joined surf fans in their certainty of her status.

Until the final episode where things took a hard left turn, Turner choosing the senior senior instead.

According to People Magazine, Gerry told show host Jesse Palmer, “I took a really good person and f—ing broke their heart. I hate myself and I hate everything right now. I think the only time I’ve ever felt worse in my whole life is when my wife passed away and this is a Goddamn close second. She’s a good person and I f—ed her over.”


Well, Turner told her, “You were the person I believed was my person until I suddenly knew you weren’t. It didn’t really go wrong, Leslie, it just … it was better with someone else.”

Shifty geriatric asshole.

The ol’ timer, anyhow, proposed to Nist and the two are getting married and then heading into hospice where they will die because they are old.

Back to Jesse Palmer, though. The last time we saw him was as host of Kelly Slater’s The Ultimate Surfer. The show that had surf fans declaring, “I hate myself and I hate everything right now.”

Happier days.

Papa? John Daly (left) and John Florence (right).
Papa? John Daly (left) and John Florence (right).

John John Florence paternity thrown into doubt, again, with freshly leaked John Daly DJ Khaled party photos!

"The likeness is uncanny!"

Filipe Toledo, and his small wave mastery, unfortunately being damned. The two-time World Surf League champion should, by all rights, be riding high. Not one, but two, World Surf League championships secured at “The Proving Grounds” now known as Lower Trestles. Five more, or however much longer Finals Day will be at Lowers, all but a certainty.

He should be everything, everywhere all at once.

Except he is not.

Yes, reality is a troublesome mistress and the Brazilian flyboy, made famous via timidity, is certainly wonder why his star is not shining brighter. Why potential commercial parterres are not flocking to his door. Why his is not the “face of the brand.” Why social media is, again, consumed with John John Florence being sired by a famous father.

Let the record state that John John Florence’s real father is an author but social media gonna social media. Years ago, there was near folk certainty that Florence was progeny of one Kelly Slater. So much heat around, in fact, that one that even The Inertia covered in depth.


A fire is raging that John Daly is papa. The iconic golfer was recently snapped celebrating DJ Khaled’s birthday party and eagle eyed surf fans were stunned by Daly and Florence’s almost exact likeness. From eyes to nose to mouth to smile. Certainly undeniable. Daly’s approach to institutionalized golf, also, much the same as Florence’s to professional surfing. The aforementioned surf fans are busily examining the record, wondering if Daly was playing Turtle Bay’s course some 31-years-ago. Searching for receipts.

Filipe Toledo, meanwhile, wondering why surf fans aren’t wondering if his father is actually Mario Van Peebles.

More as the story develops.

A surf fight in waist-deep water at Tracks on Oahu.
Surfer gets cracks from local at Tracks on Oahu's westside.

Surf fight splits internet after local filmed slapping visitor at popular Hawaiian surf spot!

“If you got slapped you probably deserved it. And if this kills your vibe…safer beaches down the road.”

A pleasingly diverse array of commentary following a surf fight at Tracks on Oahu’s westside, a popular and unchallenging wave near where Johnny Boy Gomes and Sunny Garcia were tutored in the aloha spirit. 

The Instagram account @hawaiinewsreport posted the surf fight, which is one-way, local stalks the visitor in waist-deep water before administering his coup de grace, with the explanatory note:

Posting this video is not to hurt anyone’s feelings but to ask what you think and is this ok to treat visitors like this? I don’t know what happened before the slap. I Posted on my story this video and there was a mixed reaction. Most people said this is not Pono but some said it was ok to do… obviously this person who was slapped was not from here but is it ok to slap him if he did get in your way? Alot of people said what if local people traveled to mainland and the locals at those places we visit slapped us and treated us like this? When u travel to the mainland do people welcome you or do they mistreat you? Let us know in the comments.

Which the commentariat sure do.

In one corner, we got old schoolers thrilled by the rough citizen policing vs the feel-gooders and non-surfers who can’t appreciate how…good… it feels to pop a cunt’s fins out with your fist or deliver a blow that rocks your opponent.

Plenty pro surfers in the comment section who think they are in their element when they are out there trying to surf.Its called etiquette.Get rules.Locals first.No drop in.And no paddle battle with the boys.And no lip back if you don’t know who you talkin too.These are the things that’ll get you clipped from ever surfing there again.If you don’t like it.Stay at Queens,Stay at Waiks.Stay at tourist beaches.I got told before…”No come 3rd dip.You not ready.” When I was a 12 yo kid.If I understood…Why all you Costco surfers trippin.This happens at every local beach in the world.If you got slapped.You probably deserved it.And if this kills your vibe…Safer beaches down the road. 

Hate to say this but Braddah got warned multiple times. You can’t just sit in the pocket when the sets come rolling in. Pa’i pa’i lima time

For those of you who don’t know, it’s not about being a visitor or local. It’s about respect in the lineup and not being disrespectful to anyone. It usually stems from someone disrespecting the rules of surfing which often creates a dangerous scenario. If you disrespect you get regulated. Good to see there’s still other regulators out there watching out for everyone and their safety.


I wouldn’t hit anyone over surfing. It just kills the vibe I’m trying to achieve.

I don’t care where you’re from, you do NOT put hands someone else. Basic toddler lessons.

Don’t give a fuck what the kid did before… zero reason to throw hands over surfing… it’s just silly, especially when it looks like a teenager at best. Worst case he damaged your board and that doesn’t appear to be the case when the slapped turned around like he was going back out. Kid was clearly getting out of the water so whatever the problem was before, be that the kid didn’t show respect or dropped in on someone, it doesn’t matter… he was leaving so the problem was solved. And that stands even if the kid is family- treating them like that only gives them the ok to treat others like that which isn’t ok. That was assault, pure and simple. Last time I checked there were no laws governing who gets to go when on what wave aside from law of the jungle but there are real laws on putting your hands on other people. Grow up and control your emotions…

Where do stand on the spectrum?

Okay to start a surf fight and loose hands?

Or assault etc?

And is it ever okay to bring the cops into the mix after a surf fight?

Also, more compelling surf fight footage, here, here, here, here and here.

Greta Thunberg (left) wondering how she got environmentalism so wrong.
Greta Thunberg (left) wondering how she got environmentalism so wrong.

Greta Thunberg left gobsmacked as World Surf League releases annual “Purpose & Impact Report!”

"Two bushes, one world."

There is making a difference and then there is MAKING A DIFFERENCE and notable environmentalists from here to there, including the very famous Greta Thunberg, are reeling, today, as the World Surf League released its much-anticipated 2023 annual Purpose & Impact report.

Mic stinkin’ dropped.

You certainly know that the “Global Home of Professional Surfing” is forever pushing the envelope when it comes to saving this Global Home. Bushes planted etc. But even the most locked in surf fan couldn’t image the vast extent of the purpose nor impact.

Per the unverified claims of the World Surf League’s One Ocean initiative:

-45,374 hectares of land protected or restored, including the protection of surf ecosystems in Hawaiʻi, Australia and Brazil and long-term reforestation projects in Uruguay through the surf league’s carbon offset portfolio

-100,000 corals planted through efforts with Coral Gardeners

-2 tons of plastic removed through river intervention projects in Latin America

-1,635 volunteers engaged across all One Ocean activations

-3,041 youths educated on cultural and environmental stewardship

I would, personally, like to know how to get in on the  “surf league’s” carbon offset portfolio.

Why Uruguay?

Shut your gross polluting mouth.

Chris Hemsworth (pictured) being perfect. Photo: Instagram
Chris Hemsworth (pictured) being perfect. Photo: Instagram

Australian hunk Chris Hemsworth flashes muscles, fatherly pride during surf at Kelly Slater ultra-exclusive Middle East wave tank!

Oh to have it all.

Oh to be rich, powerful, handsome, fit, adept, popular, healthy, connected, happy, loved, friends with Kelly Slater. In a word, or two, to be Chris Hemsworth. The Australian hunk seemingly has it all, the world on a string, and in the latest bit of unadulterated good fortune we see the star taking his talents to Abu Dhabi.

The United Arab Emirates second fiddle, as you certainly know, is home to Kelly Slater’s exciting, and ultra-exclusive, new surf tank. Clips have been dribbling out from the desert for a few weeks, now, but none outshines Hemsworth’s where perfection and fatherly pride collide.

“Watching my kids progress through the day until they were backhand tube riding better than the adults was all time,” the 40-year-old penned under his video presentation, thanking the aforementioned Kelly Slater and former CT surfer Mitch Crews along with the Abu Dhabi emirate. Leaving out the precious Pakistani slaves who received their portion of gratitude by getting to ride in a jail bus to and from the site during their fifteen hour shifts.

Hemsworth’s children, a daughter aged 11 and twin sons aged 9, certainly live a blessed life and do appear to be ripping, becoming barreled etc. whilst facing out as opposed to in.

Very cool and everyone was very impressed save Ann Wander who declared, “Go to La Union Philippines we have natural waves good for surfing.”


Now, what do you think the more you see of Slater’s Abu Dhabi Surf Ranch? Would you trade your local for a poolside condominium plus one one hour session a week?

Be honest.

Thankfully, Chris Hemsworth will never have to choose. He’s rich. He can do both plus a New York pied-à-terre.

Suck it, Ann Wander.