Surf fans break out in bitter sobs as core surfer Leslie Fhima has heart broken by cruel “Golden Bachelor!”

“I hate myself and I hate everything right now."

What was supposed to be a night of glorious celebration, for surf fans, turned into an evening of slow motion horror as The Golden Bachelor unspooled in real time. But only last week we were introduced to Leslie Fhima, a 64-year-old personal trainer who once dated Prince but, most importantly, is a core surfer. She was the odds-on favorite to win the hand of Gerry Turner, a retired restauranteur from Indiana whose other wife died, I think.

Anyhow, The Golden Bachelor swept the nation with its tale of sunset love and surf fans felt certain Turner would go for the 64-year-old Fhima over the 70-year-old Theresa Nist who did not surf.

Turner and Fhima’s “Fantasy Suite” rendezvous went wonderful, maybe even sexy time, and the brunette ripper joined surf fans in their certainty of her status.

Until the final episode where things took a hard left turn, Turner choosing the senior senior instead.

According to People Magazine, Gerry told show host Jesse Palmer, “I took a really good person and f—ing broke their heart. I hate myself and I hate everything right now. I think the only time I’ve ever felt worse in my whole life is when my wife passed away and this is a Goddamn close second. She’s a good person and I f—ed her over.”

Why?

Well, Turner told her, “You were the person I believed was my person until I suddenly knew you weren’t. It didn’t really go wrong, Leslie, it just … it was better with someone else.”

Shifty geriatric asshole.

The ol’ timer, anyhow, proposed to Nist and the two are getting married and then heading into hospice where they will die because they are old.

Back to Jesse Palmer, though. The last time we saw him was as host of Kelly Slater’s The Ultimate Surfer. The show that had surf fans declaring, “I hate myself and I hate everything right now.”

Happier days.