"Weston-Webb’s perfect 10 wasn’t even the second..."

Paris. The City of Light. The City of Love. Host of the ’24 Summer Olympiad wherein athletes from around the world will come and enjoy fine cuisine, heavenly art, architecture, music, poetry… ballet in a finest form. Yes, the runners and jumpers, balance beam balancers and iron ball throwers will be in heaven. I will be covering, from the gilded streets, lightly dusted with Pomeranian waste and be sure to bring you all the gossip.

Unfortunately, our surf heroes, both men and women, will not be here. They will, in fact, be as far away as one can possibly get, exactly halfway across the world, sharing time with Saturday Night Live’s Colin Jost at “The End of the Road” in Tahiti.

Teahupo’o, or Head Place, is no slouch unless we are considering cuisine, art, architecture, music, poetry and ballet. It is one of the most intimidating waves on earth framed by the greenest of crags jutting into the bluest of skies only mocked by the clarity of the water, only lightly tainted by a 25:1 gasoline to oil mixture.

Surf fans are certainly well-acquainted with Teahupo’o, its terror and its glory. The World Surf League, which bills itself as the “global home of surfing” circa 1976, via 2015, maybe less so.

It came under serious criticism, less than one month ago, for its “cruel and sloppy” smear of big wave icon Keala Kennelly. The Tahiti Pro had just been run with tremendous performances from Rio Waida, Gabriel Medina, John John Florence but mostly Vahine Fierro and Tatiana Weston-Webb. The latter caught and amazing, throaty beast and scored a perfect ten, which the World Surf League stamped as “first ever” by a woman.

Per the press release:

Despite losing to eventual event winner Fierro, Tatiana Weston-Webb (BRA) made history today with the first Perfect 10 ever from a woman at the Tahiti Pro. Weston-Webb dug deep to paddle over the ledge and into a huge set wave, making it to the bottom and almost catching her rail in the critical part of the wave only to recover and put herself deep in the barrel, behind the heavy Teahupo’o curtain. Weston-Webb then navigated the foam ball and the spit to fly out of the barrel for the Perfect score. Weston-Webb’s amazing surfing continues to push surfing’s progression even more in today’s pumping conditions.

Unfortunately, over two decades earlier, the aforementioned Kennelly dug deep to paddle over teh ledge and into a huge set wave, making it to the bottom, putting herself deep in the barrel and scoring a perfect ten. The Kauai local was forced to take to social media to declare:

I’m getting very tired of the media diminishing the surfing legacies of my generation (and other past generations) I recently had a history making accomplishment of mine completely erased and bestowed on someone else then spread all over the internet.

Maybe included in the “past generations,” though not specifically mentioned, was Chelsea Hedges and let us turn to the mainstream media titan Guardian for the pile on:

Weston-Webb’s perfect 10 wasn’t even the second. Australian surfer and 2005 world champion Chelsea Hedges also scored a perfect 10 at the wave the same year the event was cancelled, Kennelly said in a video posted to Instagram. Reporting from the time of these events verifies Kennelly’s claims, and the WSL website now refers to Weston-Webb’s perfect 10 as “the first since the women’s event’s return at the Tahiti Pro”. The WSL did not respond to a request for comment on the dispute.

But do you imagine the AI bot that wrote the press release has been unplugged? Maybe even replaced by one that enjoys strong coffee, spicy food and live music?

One “Emily Morgan” is certainly looking for a job now that her old employer, Surfer Magazine, is helmed by a “real boy.”

The World Surf League refusing to respond to a request for comment is not uncommon, as the organization makes Kim Jong Un’s North Korea look like a free speech paradise.

Erik Logan?

Are you there?

More as the story develops.

"Before I really understood what was happening a lifeguard had me in a neck brace and an ambulance was on its way."

We surfers know the dangers of our second favorite pastime (after hunting the finest foie gras) and don’t take paddling out into the ocean lightly. Ever. Except maybe for those days where warm offshore winds tickles a Surfline 3 – 4 feet of beachbreak swell (actual wave heights 1 – 2 feet) but even then the terrors of a rogue leashless longboard or stepping on a stingray are ever present.

And let us become introduced to Kurt Braunohler, a beloved comic named “Top 10” by Variety, a few decades ago, and hailed for making the audience “see things that were always there but never noticed” by The New York Times.

Well, the ocean does not read reviews, good or bad, and dealt the 48-year-old a nearly life-changing blow, days ago. He reports:

I grew up surfing. I deeply love it. It’s a core part of how I understand myself. For the last two years I hadn’t gotten out much (kids, work, out-of-shape, etc), and it bummed me out. Two weeks ago I had a revelatory session. The best I’d had in years. I kept saying (out loud to no one) “I’m back baby!” I was stoked.

Two days later I was psyched to go out again. 15 minutes in. i drop in, the wave closes out and catches me on the head and drills me head first into a very shallow sand bar. My neck bent in a scary way. I heard a breaking noise. In my 35 years of surfing I’ve never had anything like it happen. I was pretty scared.

I (thankfully) walked out of the water, bleeding and disoriented. Before I really understood what was happening a lifeguard had me in a neck brace and an ambulance was on its way. Spent the day at the hospital and got it scanned. I’m very lucky there’s no bone damage. (My thanks to the lifeguards and paramedics who helped me.)

I was stuck for a while between feeling grateful to be alive and angry that it happened. But I’m letting the grateful side win. Thank you. thank you. thank you. I’m grateful to be able to walk the dog. I’m grateful to have dinner with my kids (who won’t stay seated for more than 30 seconds). I’m grateful to my wife for dropping everything and racing to the hospital to bring my glasses and buy me Jersey Mike’s and lift things for me. I Love you. I’m so happy to be here.

A real wake up call.

A “graphic” warning was included in the slide show and vulnerable adult learners are encouraged to not look at this image here.

Fans immediately flooded Braunohler’s feed with heartfelt well wishes including funny man Bert Kreischer whom you certainly know from the Ryan Reynolds’ film made on his life, Van Wilder, his standup, podcast or love of BeachGrit. Leaning into the latter, “The Machine” penned “@beach.grit headlines???”

Though the whole business is six days in the rearview, The People’s™ surf portal is always willing to lend a hand, thus, “Former top ten comic nearly breaks neck in eldritch surf wipeout.”

Not the best but often good enough is good enough.

Or, in the parlance of BeachGrit, “We sometimes sort of try.”

“I have a rep. Did I earn it? Yeah, I did."

Amidst increasingly weird and wild times, the surf world came together to mourn the passing of the great actress Shannen Doherty at the too young age of 53. The Hollywood star, who became notable to surf fans during her run on Beverly Hills 90210 as the girlfriend of surfing bad boy Dylan McKay, played to the hilt by Luke Perry.

The two would often sneak away in McKay’s vintage Porsche Speedster for unsanctioned Malibu surfs.

In one episode real trouble struck when Doherty, who played Brenda Walsh, witnessed a horror surf accident.

Doherty’s publicist declared, “It is with a heavy heart that I confirm the passing of actress Shannen Doherty. On Saturday, July 13, she lost her battle with cancer after many years of fighting the disease.”

In a 2020 interview with Good Morning, America, the actress revealed that her cancer diagnosis was terminal while sharing more about her life in television/film. “I have a rep,” she gamely stated. “Did I earn it? Yeah, I did. But, after a while you sort of try to shed that rep because you’re kind of a different person. You’ve evolved and all of the bad things you’ve done in your life have brought you to a much better place.”

Perry, of course, died at the tender age of 52 after suffering a series of strokes.

Surf fans trusting they are enjoying the hereafter together.

"It's NOT FAIR!"

Australia is the most isolated continent on earth. There if floats in the southern hemisphere, counting only small-ish island nations as neighbors. Small-ish island nations and New Zealand, which also just so happens to be a small-ish island nation. It makes a certain amount of sense that those living down under have never heard of Paris’ culinary delights.

Yes, the host of the 2024 Olympic Games is teeming with the most delicious treasures. France, in general, and Paris, specifically, can be said to be top of class in force fed livers, baby cow, duck, both aged and young, eggs in crust, oysters on the half shell and coffee. Every street in the City of Light has multiple kiosks, cafes or full blown restaurants where the weary passerby can dip in and perk up with double espresso, americano or cappuccino. The French, mercifully, stuck their noses up at the third-wave coffee movement and serve theirs lightly burnt.

Delicious.

I take mine each morning near the Palais Garnier, staring up at the statue of Harmonie.

Gorgeous.

But, again, apparently unknown to Australia, which is sending foodstuffs and baristas to Paris to feed its athletes during the Games.

Per Delicious.com.au

They say that home is where the heart is. As it turns out, it’s where the Vegemite is too. Despite heading to one of the world’s food capitals, Paris, Australian Olympians will be treated to a little taste of home during their stints in the Olympic Village.

During a press conference on Wednesday, June 5, the Australian Olympic Committee announced the special touches planned for the athletes as they battle it out for gold at the Paris 2024 games.

Creature comforts like Vegemite, Weet-Bix, Four’n’Twenty pies, Milo, and a trio of travelling baristas will be available to our athletes, fuelling them with flat whites and keeping homesickness at bay.

The Irukandji surf squad, however, likely furious as there is no mention of Vegemite nor three baristas heading to “The End of the Road.” Yes, Tahiti, in general, and Teahupo’o, specifically, has… poisson cru. Poisson cru for breakfast, poisson cru for lunch and poisson cru for dinner. It is sometimes ok. Never top of class and rage, I’d imagine, in Tyler Wright’s camp as she will be undernourished while fighting a bevy of health issues.

Ethan Ewing, too, whose fine figure will no doubt suffer.

Light a candle, please.