Ho, ho, ho!
I bustled downstairs, early Christmas morning, filled with cheer. Yesterday’s storm, that had drenched much of Southern California, had lifted and golden sun bathed a glistening world. I only had a few minutes to admire, however, because festive work needed done getting. Namely, bringing joy to you, here, with a piece of ultra hard holiday surf candy.
But what would you enjoy? I hurriedly scanned headlines. James Cameron taking credit for writing Point Break and complaining like a li’l biscuit maker? Surfer Magazine fully and completely blowing out the spot?
Ahhhh, there it was. Tom Brady posting shirtless thirst-traps to social media in the wake of his ex-wife’s surprise wedding to her jiujitsu instructor Joaquim Valente. Instantly I wondered if Kelly Slater took his top off too? But of course you remember the romance betwixt the Brazilian supermodel and then-6-time world champion that set the surf world on fire.
Fans speculated the two would reunite, after she split with Brady, but alas, it was not to be.
Still, Slater loves nothing more than to grab the limelight and so I rushed over to his account to see what manner of look-at-me was going on.
Now, a year plus ago, I was very much blocked from his socials. Then, I operated under the handle @surfjournalist and wasn’t allowed to peek at anything. Well, Ricardo Toledo’s also had me blocked but undid the no-no, one fateful night, to send Brazilian hordes my way in defense of his son Filipe. It worked, @surfjournalist was brought low and I wallowed in depression until David Lee Scales suggest I start a new Instagram account to replace with. I did, launching @trashprose, with very few followers or folk interested.
I didn’t care for I could gaze upon Kelly Slater once more.
Alas, this Christmas morning and rushed only to be slapped in the face with:
Kelly Slater, arguably the greatest athlete to ever live, took time away from his Chinese girlfriend and young son Tao to find me, enter his settings and slam that block key whilst jingle bells jangled.
Blessed.
Merry Christmas to you all!
Kelly can only love Kelly. There is only one Kelly to love, and that is Kelly.
Kelly is a very sensitive little bitchboy on social media. He should be more like his older bro. His older bro would get me a HamSammish or take me fishing to get a FishSammish. Be more like Sean ya bald turd.
Chaz maybe send him a letter in the real mail see if he wants to be a pen pal. His address is very hard to find.
Why do you constantly refer to race of his girlfriend? I mean besides the fact you’re a lowlife piece of shit.
Redacting one’s self is so hot right now
He blocked you because you’re a shitty person. You’re like the TMZ of the surf world 👎🏼
Oh. Shoot. I never considered that. Thank you.
Interesting to learn you’re a Slater disciple? Very cute!
After all the recent seriousness on here, and at the risk of sounding too positive, was wondering where all the ultra hard surf candy had disappeared to. Found! Also, I fucken hate surfing at this time of the year.
Just watched the reruns of Pipe.
Good move by JJF to not win his own contest.
Very polite and gentlemanly.
Tried to listen to the Sterling Spencer poddy with Tom Curren today.
1st time listening to SS- holy fcuk that was some unlistenable, cringe drivel.
Tao spelled backwards is Oat.
coincidence or conspiracy?
def a coincspiradense!
My prediction is that their next kids will be called Dnomla.
Take that, Big Dairy.
Ooohh… Next kid. Thats spicy CB. Hadn’t thought of that.
Why care if a “nearly 60 yo ” blocked you ? You know you can go straight to a lawn bowls channel yeah
full blown jawbreaker kine ultra hard holiday surf candy.
You’d think Kelly had better things to do…..
Has anyone else seen those insta posts by Buzzy Kerbox and BL talk about fucken cringe.
That even sounds fun
check em out it will make your day
on it
What’s the cringe?
Jingle bells
Slater smells
Charlie laid an egg
Try a new handle like @socotrafakir or @ogbastendorfflocal and keep trying.
“You’re a mean one, Mr. Grit”
Be-atch Gritnch
The most polite thing I can say about this article is its better than the last few from Monty, so well done I guess
Maybe watching some raygun break dancing clips will cheer you up.
Poor RayGun she was so “street” the rest of the world just didn’t get it
Shooters gotta shoot…
Ol’ Chest Blockwell over there.
You know you’ve made it when…..