“You got so triggered with me showing you a video of the earth shadow going up the clouds you had to work all day for this?”
One of the worlds’ greatest mysteries, and no, not the West’s capitulation to aggressive religious militants, is why Kelly Slater, buck handsome, vast real estate holdings, babies galore, sweet girlfriend, has an unquenchable thirst for online combat.
It would take several hours to comb through Kelly Slater’s best work online, but here is a handful to wet your lips.
“Blood feud: Slater vs Flat Earthers!”
And, today, we find Kelly Slater declaring war on the notorious troll, “world’s fittest flat-earther” Tyler Hansen, after he was labelled a shape-shifter, those fiends who possess the ability to physically transform into another form, an animal, another person or a supernatural creature.
“They’re shapeshifters,” says Hansen of Bobbie Kennedy and Kelly Slater. “They can look young and old, like that.”
Hansen, who has linked Jackie Johnson to Jez Epstein and Donald Trump to Elvis, is a master of throwing absurdities into the ether and watching the lil piggies jam their hooves into the keyboards of their telephones to respond, furious.
And Kelly Slater, no stranger to a furious response, and especially when it comes to those dang flat-earthers, wrote:
“This might be the funniest video anyone has ever made about me. So RFK and Mel and I are all at once the same person? I also literally don’t have a scar where you’re pointing out. You got so triggered with me showing you a video of the earth shadow going up the clouds you had to work all day for this? That’s commendable. I will say I’m totally confused on what any of what you’re saying even means though. The only clear thing to me is there are a lot of crazy people in these comments. Wild times.”
When asked by fans why he’s in the comments Slater responds,
“If I don’t reply I’m too big and out of touch. If I do I’m guilty? I’m just bored and find it strange and funny. There is some kind of human psychological study to be done here.”
And, for another fan, it’s all too much.
“Haahahahahahahahhahah KELLY SLATER was JUST arguing with me in the comments on video talking about how the moon’s light is cool. This is HILARIOUS timing for me. The Lord has such a great sense of humor.”
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nah I think that SC was just having too many brown fizzies after his release …..has anyone ever got pissed and said shit , that was out of line??
I think that you actually bring another dimension to the Gritters like SC…it’sjust trying to reign him in….??
there can NOT really be people out there that think the earth is flat, or that satan is real can there?
let alone shapeshifters and shit.
ah comment 69….what a way to wake up, Good Morning Gritters……and ,” I’m bored” seriously I thought he was a new dad?
Honestly thought Kelly was a Flat Earther. Genuinely surprised he’s not, actually.
You better keep it PG or at most PG 13 around here cray pops. You are definitely in negs cross hairs.
hey happy c , looks like shit out there , hope you and yours are good
a surfer saves another life, likely an everyday occurrence. Likely multiple times a day. Here, a mom thanks an anonymous surfer for pulling her boy out of the drink at surfers paradise
https://www.reddit.com/r/GoldCoast/comments/1s3bndk/comment/ocjhk7h/
The comments below, on this BG article, are so meta that it’s bordering on farcical. Bells can’t come quick enough and I pray for waves on opening day.
I don’t ban anyone because they annoy me. You would’ve been banned on about day 3 of your arrival if that was the case. As for the rest, I’ve been pretty clear, as was he in what he left on the dinner table. Now, I have evening to fill, I’ll leave the talking in circles to you.
Let him back for Bells Negs, don’t let your ego get the better of you.
Cute, that you’re his messenger boy.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Weird I missed the comments from Deeks and Andy C that were way worse than his “Has any cunt worked out what those droopy things are below _____ top bollocks? Does she have three pairs of piggy tits” ?!?
The terms for his return have been laid out, very fair too I feel.
Sounds like He can easily ring up and ask Mikey & Owen if their sister is happy being talked about like that. If she’s happy, He’s back in.
His other messenger boy Crayfish passed this on for context.
“I know Mikey and Owen, as well as Wilco very well and they are not prude woke cunts and would laugh if I said that to them. Fuck me I used to abuse Wilcos surfing to his old man”
“I just don’t carry on about it cuz I’m Strayan. For example I have Mitch Crews, Noa Deanes, Stace Galbraith and Chippa Wilsons and many more numbers in me phone”
I am utterly fascinated by the longtom-freeride-SC-chunks thingy going on here. It’s like musical chairs with pretend names.
So am I. I was out crayfish and Stevo being played by SC has reeled me right back in. Hats off to SC. All these accounts.
I think I got it sorta right. Shearer is Longtomscuz and chunks (on Swellnet I’m guessing), Strayan Cunt is Crayfish and freeride. I thought it was a dual personality disorder but this goes straight to a more complex multiple personality disorder. I’d get confused with all the accounts.
F.R. is S.S.
This is all getting fruity as fuck.
way too dramatic for my taste mate.
I value the range of possible narratives and outcomes.
Tear drips from eye…….
Cheers cunt
yes but trumps allowed to call women PIGGY…..we are all led by the saviour of mankind….is he wrong, really or should we use him as a mentor?
Maybe we should try and help SC become more acceptable by educating him what’s acceptable here and keep him off the piss,LOL!
I tried. Multiple times. Just got labeled soft, woke etc.
Trump seems to only like women (or girls) when they’re on their knees.
so is popsicle SC….that would be great….so is SC an alter ego of Popsicle or vice versa??
Nah, I’d destroy him. Slowly too. I’m the 12 time world commenting league champion.
They should upload PageGroup app onto the Apple Watches that riders wear, so they can read the comments live.
Imagine Kinoa stroking in and reads:
Andy C. “He’s this Pokemon queer cunt clown, let’s see what he does”
HUD with Noah or chippa surfing would crush the cunt.
First time I have properly laughed here in ages. Haha.
Xox
How dare speak of of Our Laird in Savior Negs in such an unsavoury light. How dare you, sir!
Holy fuck Nug!!! was thinking of you a couple of weeks back. How the fuck are you man?!? Been way too long.
I’m good Negs. Hope you are well. Since they replaced JBay with NZ, I fully expect boots on the ground coverage from you. Tell Derek to wire you for expenses.
Flick me a email one day Nug. [email protected]
Uhh, no. You talking about Barney?
Why are there so many oyster bars in Malibu? Those places smell like a lobsters asshole.
Oyster bar? is that really a thing? Guess I do live in a third world Country.
not just an isolated thing either
Oh yeah. There were 2 of the things in the same shopping/dining complex. One high end and one like a walk up burger joint. And the reek in there is exactly as you would imagine. Even if you were eating a burger you’d want to puke from the smell.
I think you may have exceeded your comment allotment by 3x for the day.
If you base that allotment on the number of posts by Crayfish/Strayan Cunt the number is approaching 50 per sharty. And I don’t think there is a comment allotment, only a question allotment that is an everchanging number. Sometimes it’s 0, sometimes it’s 10, depends on moods.
Understood. In the future I will check in with your first to see what mood you are in before I ask any questions.
Don’t ask me. I don’t make the rules. The sky is the limit in my book. You might have missed the origin of that comment.
I am deeply flawed.
Haha thats fucked! Oyster bars are everywhere where I live. If you walk into one and it smells like fish, you walk out and never go back.
!!
Yum!
Like a bumhole and vagina in one!
Xox
I try.
Would some real names though. It ain’t Negs, Otto, Gila, Occ. Those are top of the offended list but all too old.
Where the fuck is Otto? How long does it take to dress a moose in the wild?
I heard that a blizzard hit and he’s been forced to shelter inside the moose like when Hahn put Luke inside that Dino-horse in Empire strikes back.
Everyone?
Kelly say’s he’s bored?
A man with a child who is barely a year old should never be bored.
To be fair, my cuntiest times ever on the inter-web was when the kids were little. Busy, but in house “busy”
Names?
The funniest bit being
“One of the world’s greatest mysteries…is why Ke11y Slater…has an unquenchable thirst for online combat”
If that were true he’d be here at BG on (indisputably) the worlds biggest stage of online surf (and adjacent) commenters, not mucking around elsewhere in the junior grades, or blocking all and sundry on his insta etc…
P.S.
And to those who cry “how can we know he’s not here ? Or, it’s crazy to think he’s not here”, I only have this to say in reply…
…Kelly doesn’t do anything anonymously, he just can’t let himself, it’s not part of his character.
Yeah but how can we know for sure that he is not?
He really is an ISA level competitor when it comes to online commentary
He knows he would get owned, he might go alright in the stab comments, but he would seriously get his bumhole fingered here.
Xox
I don’t understand the concept that people ( mostly celebrities) are too rich, too beautiful, too smart, too talented to succumb to the infinite entertainment, insight and communication to be found on the internet.
You think these people are immune to the draw because their time is too filled spent staring into a mirror or visualising a cutback they’ll perform when the sun comes up tomorrow ? You think that the smartest minds aren’t endlessly turning over in search of stimulation and that the endless miasma of social media is likely to render them as addicted as the any toothless mouthbreathing meth – chimp?
If Einstein was alive he’d be dancing on Tik Tok.
Do any pro’s ever read Beach Grit comments?
Yes
Who?
Sasha
You gotta question the veracity of these claims when nobody will point to a single fake name that is associated with a current pro. (or point out a current pro who has a fake name. No need to name both as that skirts the edge of doxing)
I still maintain that bob is Kelly, but I have no evidence to prove that.
Hmmm. Hard to think that Ke11y could hold his tongue all this time with the amount of shit that gets heaped on him down here.
yeah, but his pride won’t let him ever publicly concede that he reads BG or comments below the line.
C4 !!
Only the cunty ones, Cunt.
the real problem w/ hanging out below the line here is that now in real life every time someone acts like an ass my internal voice says ‘ quit being such a cunt,’
and then I have to quickly moderate myself to make sure the actual words don’t come out.
Going to need to move down under before I get canceled, ha