Slater holding a pair of moon turtle sandals. Photo: KLLY
Slater holding a pair of moon turtle sandals. Photo: KLLY

Surf great Kelly Slater decimates “creativity and innovation expert” with hot-selling moon sandal inspired by turtles!

“For the design of the sandal, Kelly was particularly moved by the mysterious and special relationship between the moon and sea turtle."

Fans, around the world, broke into sobs, yesterday, with the realization that the greatest professional surfer of all-time has, almost certainly, won his last heat. Yes, Kelly Slater will come up against Jack Robinson, whenever J-Bay turns back on, and likely lose. He will then travel to Teahupo’o, a wave he loves very much, but be sitting at the bottom of the draw and lose again. He will not be invited to Lower Trestles, even though the World Surf League loves giving him sneaky wildcards and that will be that.

This morning, though, eyes were dried when the aforementioned fans understood that Slater will continue to dominate, just in other fields.

Let us take design. A “creativity and innovation expert” just posted some life coaching on social media wherein he declared, “This one thing I learned in design school forever changed how I think. I had a course where a professor made us sketch 300 concepts every night. As we hung up our sketches for critique each day, a few things immediately stood out. First, the entire class had similar ideas for the first third of our sketches. Only after that did the interesting ideas start emerging. Second, no matter how amazing you are, your initial ideas are generic and crap.”

He goes on discussing the “flow state” and how to make interesting ideas emerge clearly without realizing that the 11x World Champion had designed a moon sandal inspired by turtles as the very first thing that popped into his head.

Per the press release:

“The first item to hit the market is the sandal, influenced by Slater’s renowned surfing career. Inspired by the relationship between the moon and the ocean, the sandal is made using recycled material, uses BLOOM technology (derived from algae), and provides a high level of cushioning, durability, responsiveness and water resistance.

“For the design of the sandal, Kelly was particularly moved by the mysterious and special relationship between the moon and sea turtle. Turtles have 13 large scales that represent the 13 lunar cycles in each year and 28 smaller scales that represent the days in each cycle. As a tribute to these coexisting forces, Kelly designed the top of the sandal to mirror the moon’s surface while the bottom sole represents the turtle’s scales. Additional styles and sizing are set to release later this year.”

Genius don’t have similar ideas.

Genius likes turtles.

Israeli inventors design “more stable” e-foil in response to near fatal accident suffered by Rubenesque musical artist DJ Khaled!

Yes I love technology...

It was only one month ago, though it feels like a lifetime, that collective hearts stopped around the world. The beloved plus-sized musical artist DJ Khaled, having a bit of fun in the waters off his Florida home, got the balance wrong on his e-foil and took an extremely nasty spill. The manner in which he tumbled was particularly worrisome, as either the foil or the propeller could have removed his head from his torso. Mercifully, as thoughts and prayers poured in, the damage only required a light massage.

Flash forward and we have two Israeli inventors, Arthur Yanai and Assaf Friedman, debuting Level Hydrofoils. Embedded sensors and algorithms paired with a patented single-mast technology effectively “stabilize” the e-foil experience.

Assaf and I started Level Hydrofoils in 2018 with the premise of bringing to the world the next generation of sustainable watercraft,” Yanai, a veteran of Shayetet 13, the Israel Navy’s sea, air and land (SEAL) unit, told Israel21c. “Both of us are keen water sports enthusiasts. We’ve traveled the oceans and sailed the Atlantic all the way from Israel to the Caribbean. So we are super passionate about this topic.”

How, exactly, does it all work? Yanai declared, “We added a first-of-its-kind gyro stabilizer, making balancing the board automatic. It works so well, it can even fly by itself. We also swapped out the hand control that other e-foils use, for a more intuitive, fly-by-wire weight-based control. It’s the only e-foil that has this function.”

And there we have it.

I’d imagine in the aforementioned hitmaker was on a Level Hydrofoil instead of the extremely dangerous one he was riding, the near fatal accident would have been avoided, DJ Khaled would not have had to been given a massage and the historic heating trend, burning up large swathes of America and Europe, would have been avoided.

Comment live, Corona J-Bay Open as spectre of Great White attack haunts the fabled African lineup!

A real-time chat-room for disaffected surfers eager to deliver their own coup de grace into the dying corpse of professional surfing.

In wildest salvo yet, Jonah Hill’s spurned ex Sarah Brady launches 52-pronged Instagram attack on Hollywood star including comparisons to Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe’s doomed marriage!

"Made me feel like a slut for existing…like I deserved to be treated the way I was because I'm a woman thus a whore."

The former girlfriend of Hollywood star and Malibu habitué Jonah Hill has revealed an impressive stamina in her war against the man she dated for eighteen or so months. 

(A quick recap for those coming in late. Nine days ago, surf instructor Sarah Brady lit a very public fire, dumping a series of what she said were private texts between the pair on Instagram. Brady claimed to be a “survivor” following the  end of a relationship with a man she described as misogynistic and a narcissist. Brady said Hill was made sad by her posting bikini shots, the inference being these languid poses suggested sexual availability.)

After delivering what was thought to her stunning coup de grâce two days ago, the banning of Hill from Hawaiian waters, with Brady triumphantly dancing upon the Superbad star’s grave, one might’ve expected a return to normal transmission on her Instagram channel. 

However , encouraged by a whirlwind of support from spurned women worldwide, Brady today launched a fifty-two pronged fusillade on Instagram stories, screenshots of DMs between her and fans, and including comparisons between her short dalliance with Hill and the five-year-long marriage of playwright Arthur Miller and fifties sex symbol Marilyn Monroe (killed, likely, by Robert  F Kennedy’s family, if you wanna believe conspiracies). 

Pertinent quotes,

“Made me feel like a slut for existing.”

“I know he’s a weak coward on the inside though.”

“Like I deserved to be treated the way I was because I’m a woman thus a whore.”

Screenshots below.

Real question: how much gas y’think Brady got left in the tank?

Brady (pictured) hating mid men. Photo: Instagram

Shock reason for surf instructor Sarah Brady’s brutal public execution of former boyfriend Jonah Hill revealed in lost text message!

The most ancient of blood feuds.

The collected works of Sarah H. Brady, surf instructor, environmental advocate, law student and spurned ex-girlfriend of Jonah Hill will, someday, be gathered together, bound and deposited into the research library of a prestigious institute of higher learning. All the private text messages made public. Each silo’d pat on the back. And then, scholars and professors, alike, will be able to sift through the thousands upon thousands of words, images, memes and uncover a clear snapshot of the collapse of humanity.

A question will haunt their work, though.


Why, after months upon months of the breakup did Brady publicly execute the man she once claimed to love?

She, of course, has given many conflicting reasons. That she wants Kauai locals to burn him at Andy Iron’s favorite waves, that his turn as an advocate for mental health was off-putting, that she wanted to empower others who have been ruthlessly abused by maybe oversensitive exes.

The truth, though, lies in a subtle text included in one of Brady’s Instagram stories from four or five days ago. It was lost, of course, in a sandwich of salaciousness and so social detectives disregarded it, initially, but a studious surf journalist, leaving no stone unturned, has picked it like a gleaming needle from a haystack.

A conversation between Brady and a friend.

“Oof been there… why do we dim our selves for mid men???”

And there we have it.

Hill, as you know, began his surf journey on long and comfortable soft tops. He then evolved into long foam and fiberglass surfboards before continuing his journey to the popular mid-length.

Brady, though, is a longboard purist only riding boards 9 feet and longer.

Photo: @sarahhbrady
Photo: @sarahhbrady

Hill’s exploration, which will clearly end with a high-performance thruster, clearly infuriated Brady and was, likely, smoldering all this time before exploding.

The eternal battle between long and short.

A rubicon that shall never be crossed.