"For, like, under $50k you could do a decent livestream..."

Vans has had difficulty taking a right step as the North Shore’s ’24 – ’25 winter season continues to roll along. The troubles began over three weeks ago when the distressed cobbler released its invite list for the once prestigious Pipe Masters event. The most important wave in all of surfing used to crown champions but since the World Surf League shuffled its calendar, has been relegated to a specialty event for Vans-sponsored surfers.

As such, Jamie O’Brien was left out of the draw, provoking immediate ire from Oahu locals who recognize the carrot-topped regular foot as one of the greatest Banzai wranglers ever. The usually quiet Josh Moniz, voicing the frustration of many, went directly after the afflicted cordwainer, openly declaring, “It’s shocking to see how, in such a short time, Vans has nearly ruined what it means to be a Pipeline Master. The way this event has been handled in recent years, since Vans bought the rights to it, feels disrespectful to one of the most iconic waves and events in the history of surfing—right here at OUR home in Hawaii.”

Vans, attempting to fix the matter, told O’Brien he was left off because he was too old at which point the 41-year-old went out, bagged the most ferocious waves of a swell event and mocked the befuddled crispin by posting footage directly to Instagram.

Realizing error, O’Brien was quickly included, Vans employees likely wiping brows, hoping the trouble to be in the rearview.

It was not.

Yesterday, opening day, featured fresh outrage as there was no professional livestream.

One entertainment industry insider, livid, reached out explaining, “For, like, under $50k you could do a decent livestream, shitty but ok. Maybe quite a bit less. If a tree falls….and how far the Pipe Masters has fallen.”

Scathing.

It is odd that the plagued soler would maintain its license for the Pipe Masters and yet refuse to bathe in any sort of marketing glow. Chris Cote, for example, in booth wearing checkered slip-ons speaking glowingly.

Extremely odd.

Here, anyhow, is a highlight package from day one hosted by Lupita Nyong’o ex Selema Masakela who “devastatingly extinguished” the couple’s love through deception.

Enjoy.

Surf City, USA officially introduces the MAGA-nificent 7.

Surf City, USA, home to such glories as the US Open of Surfing and Seasonal Surf Riots, is in new hands after Republicans swept the recent city council elections and now hold all seven seats. Dubbed the MAGA-nificent Seven by councilmember Tony Strickland, the group was sworn in on Tuesday and posed for photos while wearing red hats emblazoned with the phrase “Make Huntington Beach Great Again.”

Two of the seven threw very tight shakas in celebration.

“People certainly don’t have a problem when San Francisco identifies with Gavin Newsom or Barack Obama. I think that’s a double standard if anybody has that kind of criticism,” Strickland declared, heading off potential haters.

As the fourth stop on the World Surf League Challenger Series, the left-leaning “Global Home of Surfing” will be forced to deal with a potentially hostile partner though will have practice completely abandoning any and all social ideals after its February running of the Abu Dhabi Pro.

“We’re going to do what we need to to protect Huntington Beach,” Mayor Pat Burns said. “One of my big things is local control: We can govern ourselves. We don’t need state mandates.”

Huntington Beach has currently outlawed the flying of LGBTQIA+ flags on civic property, made using certain bathrooms illegal for certain people and ripped books deemed “fruity” from library shelves.

“We love our city,” councilmember Butch Twining clarified. “We love everything about it. We don’t want to change very much about it. And the red hats get conflated with another message, but that’s not really our message.”

The council has listed “bolstering public safety” as a top priority which will directly conflict with Seasonal Surf Riots.

Sad.