Surfers devastated after Jamie O’Brien left off Vogue “70 Most Famous Redheads of All Time” list

Cheyne Magnussen absent too.

Vogue Magazine has long been considered a, if not the, final word in fashion. Helmed for the past four decades by the inimitable Anna Wintour, Vogue defined the look, the silhouette, the proper vibe for generations of sartorial seekers.

Though it was widely reported that Wintour, 76, was retiring from Vogue this past June, the magazine’s parent company Condé Nast quickly dispelled that notion. “She is not ‘stepping down’ (as many headlines have mistakenly said), but instead shifting focus to her two global roles,” a representative told the Columbia Journalism Review. “Those are: chief content officer and global editorial director. She will still be at shows, doing Met and Vogue World, etc. I imagine she will also be traveling to other markets more frequently now that she will have a bit more time to do so.”

She very likely used a bit of that extra time compiling the just-released Vogue “70 Most Famous Redheads of All Time” list.

Surfers, everywhere, were thrilled upon hearing the news, messaging each other furiously, placing bets on how high the carrot-topped Queen of Pipeline might climb.

How far Mikey Red might drop.

If historical gingers, like Kelly Slater’s very good friend Belly, would be given equal weight or would the rubric favor modern rubios like Andrew Tate acolyte Cole Houshmand.

Vogue Hates Surfing Gingers

Well, depression in every corner as surfers, here and there, flipped clicked open the feature and scrolled. Hope, however, initially sprang. Gigi Hadid was followed by Riley Keough followed by Jessica Chastain, Lynn Yaeger and David Bowie.

And would not this be the perfect time for Mick Campbell? But no. Nicole Kidman followed by Wilma and Pebbles of Flinstone fame, followed by Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, Bette Davis, Judy Garland and Rita Hayworth.

Hope beginning to crater badly.

Ann-Margaret, Axl Rose, Lucille Ball, Ice Spice, Molly Ringwald, Jessica Rabbit, Raquel Welch.

No Dusty Payne.

And hope disappeared after Julianne Moore, Milla Jovovich, Franka Potente, Vivienne Westwood, Rihanna, Prince Harry, Florence Welch, Amy Adams, Sophie Turner, Julia Fox, Grace Coddington and Emma Stone all stepped right over Cheyne Magnussen, one of the most vibrant surfing redheads to ever paddle.

Vogue certainly should have interviewed the Maui-bred wave pool maestro on the joys and troubles of his magnificent cardinal mane. Thankfully, BeachGrit’s Derek Rielly did, Magnussen sharing “(My hair color) has impeded my ability to blend in anywhere in the world except for the country of Ireland. Also, since being red makes me a ginger, I have no soul, which means I shouldn’t be trusted so that sucks. That being said, I quote the great eric cartman who stated ‘better red than dead.'”

Rielly than asked how to win love with such a dynamic ‘do. Magnussen offering, “That’s easy, first, impress them with your shredding skills on the board. Next, dazzle them with some tequila shots and a freaky dance move like the worm. Third, bust out the burning bush, chicks dig red pubes. You heard it here first, and probably last. But remember, I shouldn’t be trusted so thats actually a load of crap and I just got extremely lucky and I think my chick has terrible eyesight! Good luck out there fellow rangas.”

No good luck to be found in the august pages of Vogue, however. Anna Wintour slowly twisting the knife into surfers’ backs.

But while you are here, do you have a favorite redhead from the list? Mine would be Franka Potente. Though not crimson naturally, her flame-topped Lola in the German film Run Lola Run beats all-comers. If you have not seen, I highly encourage.

It might, just might, salve the wounds of no Col Smith in Vogue.