Kelly Slater slammed by surf fans after injecting himself into foil vs surfer wars

“Surely this guy can’t be this unaware?”

Two days ago, you’ll recall, the street was alive with bitter argument after vision appeared of a foil-boarder delivering the Strike of Wrath to a surfer and subsequently claiming he was “looking for a hole” and “a passage home” and therefore entitled to fade the surfer into oblivion. 

“I was simply trying to come home,” said the foiler. “Why didn’t he drop off? Shouldn’t we all do it for each other?”

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Much debate followed with most giving hell to the ol’ man on his e-foil and his unique assessment of maritime law, although the man in pink riding a longboard wasn’t immune to critique.

“Foils have no place in crowded lineups and Mal riding pink rashee motherfuckrrs either.. know your rights,” posited beneath the line habitué Travis Edgar.

Now, and after a brief delay although quickly picked up by readers of this masthead, Kelly Slater injected himself into the debate writing,

“Surely this guy can’t be this unaware?”

“As unaware as you were riding your own board in Stab in the Dark?” a troller responded.

What followed, even for a superstar like Kelly Slater used to such trolling, would force him to unsheathe his rocket wit.

“I didn’t know but it’s all good whatever you wanna believe,” Kelly replied. “If you liked how other board or boards looked you should get one. That’s kinda what the whole thing is about.”

To which another commenter wrote,

“Even if true, bad optics were easily avoidable by removing your board and company from the comp. No accusations. No questions. You would’ve earned insane respect. But maybe I’m not surprised when you all in on $$ and shit politics that keep more $ in your pocket, despite grave climate and environmental consequence. Bummer when your OG heroes disappoint.”

More of course, including some debate over the rights and wrongs of surf camp exclusivity with some Kelly Slater adjacency.

It clearly isn’t Kelly Slater’s best work, barely touching such classics as.

“Kelly Slater lashes out at ‘young people’ and common core math while getting answer wrong on Instagram question.” 

“Kelly Slater sparks all-in, multi-front feud pulling in world champs, other pro’s and journalists after posting new comment on Instagram!”

“Blood feud: Slater vs Flat Earthers!” 

“Internet troll checkmates Kelly Slater in war of words hours before champ is bundled out of own event!”

“Controversy explodes online as world’s most thin-skinned surfer Kelly Slater excoriates others for being ‘triggered’ vows vengeance after told to ‘eat a bag of dicks’.”

Or just five days ago when Slater declared war on the notorious troll, “world’s fittest flat-earther” Tyler Hansen, after he was labelled a shape-shifter, those fiends who possess the ability to physically transform into another form, an animal, another person or a supernatural creature.

The most popular response on the foil v surfer debate went to another Floridian, Eric Gieselman, a surfer who once survived an attack by a Great White shark.

“Sorry mate, that’s not the right line in at all. Common sense would have told you you’re on the wave of the day on a right hand point with surfers (already wrong) Now to make it worse your on a Foildrive and you’ve now faded into the sandbank where a surfer would obviously be riding the waves peeling down the sandbank. Also, No disrespect but this is the facts. Could have rode the same wave kicked out off the shoulder and use the Foildrive in between the waves peeling down the crowded surf line up. Bottom line get the foil into zones with no surfers. And please don’t tell me you can’t do that. All love and respect glad everyone was ok. DONT GET US CANCELLED!”