"He is insane, everything is done for surfing is next level."
Now that Kelly Slater has pretend retired, all-comers are flooding, praising the greatest surfer of all time for his years of servitude. But a heretofore unforeseen question has suddenly arisen. Is there actually a greater-est surfer? Oh but we must turn our eyes south, to the proud nation of Brazil where impoverished* Americans and Australians are no longer welcome.** Chris Cote, Devon Howard, Jack Freestone, Adriano De Souza…
…wait.
Adriano de Souza?
Though who could forget eight years ago when Kelly Slater unleashed his wave tank hours after De Souza won his gorgeous, and hard fought, first and only Occy-esque surf championship?
Not me.
Champagne not yet dry on Mineirinho’s hair, Slater showed his Kelly barrel in Lemoore, California on Instagram and then proceeded to make this face.
The entire world following that gaze toward the cow stink, away from the new champ.
Or, years before when Slater and De Souza had an in-surf interaction in which the former “likens Adriano’s intemperance to a chemical imbalance due to his “passion.”
The most ancient of blood feuds.
It should be assumed, then, that De Souza harbors injustice like Indigo Montoya. Counting the days until vengeance is his.
That, friends, would make an ass out of you and me.
The boy from São Paulo, hours ago, took to Freestone’s sonnet and wrote, “i don’t know how to say to him, this is your last or not and yes 🤨 probably we don’t know tomorrow and what we can say is today right @jackfreestone he is insane, everything is done for surfing is next level 👏 @kellyslater”
Very polite dig at the start chased with a crystalline good nature.
Gorgeous and what a jolly good fellow.
Though, what do you think De Souza meant by “insane?”
More as the story develops.